Love is tough

[redhotswami]

And yeah, we went to the Halloween party around 8 over at one of the frats. It was pretty shitty.

Uh, dude you are in TENLEY! You have no excuse to go to shitty parties!!!!!

Good luck! And tell us how it goes.

 

[namkcuR]

You know....no matter how good of guy her boyfriend is, no matter how nice he is, no matter how much he trusts her and/or you....if he knows that you're a guy, that you're close friends with her, and that you're spendiing a lot of time with her....he's probably 'watching' you whenever he's around you. You know what 'watching' means. That doesn't mean he's any less of a good guy...it just means he's human.

Just a thought.

As for her....it's easier to say this as an outsider who's not actually dealing with the situation and doesn't have anything to risk or lose, but....I'm leaning towards the idea of telling her how you feel, but in a way that makes it clear that, even if she feels anything close to the same way about you, you don't expect her to just drop out of her relationship for you, or anything of the sort, and that you just had to get it out there, and that if she's ever available and interested, you're there. For all you know, she could be into you, and could be thinking to herself, 'if only he felt the same way, I'd break it off with Jordan'.

 

[Lancemc]

namkcuR, you could have taken the words right out of my mouth. Luckily, Jordan isn't usually anywhere around, except for the occasional weekend visits.

But really, that's exactly the type of message I want to send to her. I don't have any immediate expectations, but I just need to get this load off my chest. And if she can understand that, we're probably both better for it.

And well, your "For all you know..." would be a dream scenario, but I don't really see that happening. I mean, for all I know she might have feelings for me as well, but I'd expect her to be excellent at hiding them. But I don't see her breaking up with Jordan anytime soon. We'll just have to see how that goes.

I just need to work out the best course for me to take now. I'm leaning toward VintagePunk's suggestion, but I'd have to time that line like a God damn magician, . Good thing I used to be one.

Knowing me though, things will probably completely implose and I'll be left with a bigger mess than I started with. Well, hopefully not, but I'm at least prepared for the worst case scenario. Mmm, yeah it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm practically moving in a daze right now so I'd better get some rest.

Thanks for readin'

 

[Lancemc]

I'm going to attend a performance of the National Symphony Orchestra this Friday for my Understanding Music class. Originally, all 4 of us (Kate, Michelle, Kyle and I) were going to go, but I could only get 2 tickets. So, it looks like Kate and I are going together.

I have to take notes practically the entire time, but it should still be a great night out, and possibly another good "moment of intimacy" between us. So, I'm really looking forward to Friday night for 3 reasons now. 1. I get to knock off one of my class performance requirements. 2. I've been looking forward to seeing a professional symphony orchestra for a long time and 3. I have a good chance to share something with Kate.

She's excited to go too. She loves a good excuse to dress up.

And on a different note, this whole situation has had me listening to Born to Run a lot lately, specifically "Thunder Road" Not only did I already think it was the single finest song written in the last 50 years, but it's taken on new emotional weight for me. I'm not sure what it is exactly that connects to my situation. I think it may just be my idealist side wishing we could just drop all our responsibilities and baggage and just drive off somewhere together finding all we need within each other. At least that's what I take from the song, and it's to what I think I'm subconcisouly relating. Interesting.

 

[Canadiens1131]

I'd hit it.

 

[AtomicBono]

Man, that was it. I just looked at her, smiled back, and thought "I'm going to marry her". It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It was as this exact moment that I knew I loved her. But maybe I'm just overreacting, I don't know if it's really love yet, or do I? Maybe it was just the spirit of Rock and Roll, music IS passion afterall. But my God, that smile killed me. If I could capture a single moment thoughout the history of man and just live in it for all eternity, that would be it.

that is the sweetest thing i have heard in a looong time

and yes being in love with someone who is taken is a habit I have as well (like I have a choice), I've been in love with this guy for over two years... for the record, I told him about two years ago, when the feelings first started being real strong, and he was really flattered and was nice as hell about it and it actually kind of brought us closer together in a way. but he's still with the same girl, even though they always seem to be on the verge of a breakup...argh this is something I could go on and on about

ANYWAY

I don't know if you should tell her just yet, but you're gonna wanna tell her eventually, and when you tell her a part of you will feel better just for letting it out. I think the idea of dropping subtle hints is good. of course, friends "flirt" all the time in a casual, nonserious way, so sometimes it's hard to tell when someone means what they say, but you could still see how she responds...

 

[redhotswami]

I think it may just be my idealist side wishing we could just drop all our responsibilities and baggage and just drive off somewhere together finding all we need within each other.

omg I feel the same way too. I'm in kind of a similar situation and I totally agree with that.

 

[Lancemc]

Re: Re: Love is tough

I don't know if you should tell her just yet, but you're gonna wanna tell her eventually, and when you tell her a part of you will feel better just for letting it out. I think the idea of dropping subtle hints is good. of course, friends "flirt" all the time in a casual, nonserious way, so sometimes it's hard to tell when someone means what they say, but you could still see how she responds...

Haha, yeah I know what you mean about friends flirting, it's a good point.

When the four of us were at dinner tonight, Kate and I had a few moments alone and she was "flirting" a little. It was probably just the casual sort of flirting you mentioned, but then again, who knows. Either way it made me feel good.

 

[VintagePunk]

Friendly flirting or not, you generally don't do it with someone you don't find attractive. Just sayin'.

 

[Lancemc]

Friendly flirting or not, you generally don't do it with someone you don't find attractive. Just sayin'.

Hmmm, we need a good :slightlyembarassedyetflattered: smilie for times like these.

Well, the less I think about those kinds of things the better. I'm not extremely confident in my own physical appearance. At the same time I know I'm a fairly handsome guy when I have my moments . The last thing I want though is to slip into the mindset that I'm not attractive enough of good enough to be with her. I know that's rediculous, yet still hard to believe I could have her. She's almost too beautiful.

I remember the first time I ever saw her, it was around the beginning of the second week of the semester. The way our hall is set up (a flattered U shape), it took a while for either side (though unusually social amongst themselves) to get to know each other. Hell, I still don't know a handful of people on the other side of the hall. But the common lounge is on my side, which is where the sink and microwave and oven and stuff is.

Well, one afternoon I was going to dinner with some friends, and I looked into the lounge through the windows and saw her standing by the sink washing a cup. Her dark brown shoulder length hair was down that day and I literally had to stop in my tracks and look at her. She was absolutely stunning, and all I could think was "Who the hell is this girl, and why haven't I ever seen her before?". Then we left for dinner, and I didn't get formally introduced to her until later that week by my friend Kyle. We starting hanging out more and now here we are.

So there are at least two pivotal moments around my relationship with her where her beauty simply knocked me out, that first time seeing her and of course the night of the concert. She has green eyes too, how awesome is that? I guess what I'm saying is, it would be too easy for me to blow it off by saying she's too good for me. But luckily I know better. (Plus, her boyfriend isn't exactly the best looking guy in the world either, but I didn't tell you that )

Oye, I sure can ramble on and on about this. I don't mind though. You all keep reading it.

 

[Lancemc]

Last night sucked. It should have been good, we went and bought scary movies and stuff, and our plan was to stay up late, watch them and eat popcorn ans shit. Well, one friend falls asleep as soon as the first movie starts, two others don't show up, so it's just Kate, Michelle and I watching Halloween. Then this asshole on our floor comes slamming on the door.

The situation was, they were showing The Descent in the theatre last night and this guy Mike asks Kate to come with him. Now, I'm not jealous or anything, it's not that. What I have a problem with, is that this guy Mike is human garbage. Oh he can be charming and funny and all that, but all he really wants is to try to get into girls' pants. He's been trying to "win" Kate since they first met, but he has absolutely no respect for her and her current relationship. She's had to put up with his shit all year, and I keep telling her to just tell him to fuck off. She hates him, Michelle hates him, we all fucking hate him, yet she is just too nice to say no to his bullshit.

She's had to put up with this shit all year. Her once friend Matt, who has a girlfriend by the way, asked her to hang out one night. So they did, and he tried to take advantage of her. End that friendship. Then Matt's roommate, who we though was a nice guy asked to hang out with her despite her falling out with Matt. Wrong. He tried to make a move as well. So this goes on constantly, and she doesn't know how to deal with it. I do. But she doesn't listen.

So last night Mike bangs on the door, we wait until the movie's over and she goes to find him. So here she comes with her purse and jacket on begging me to come with her. Being a good friends, Michelle and I go with her and have to listen to this asshole's bullshit throughout the entire movie. You know the drill. Tickling her, trying to scare her, touching her and being a loud piece of shit. Let's ignore the fact that The Descent is also one of the worst movies I've ever seen and I had to suffer it's shitty writing and directing for 2 god damn hours.

So I guess my point is, I'm just disgusted. I have half a mind to go beat the shit out of this motherfucker, but I know better. I simply can't stand seeing her LET HERSELF be put through this. It drives me nuts. And the worst part is, I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm no different from any of them. Maybe I'm just as big of an asshole as he is, only I'm too chicken shit to do anything about it.

Now I know that's not the case. The difference is I respect her, and I'm not a piece of shit like these guys are. But I can't help but feel this way after all this shit that goes down. Why am I any better? I want her to leave her boyfriend. I can't lie to myself about that anymore. I really do. Fuck this. I feel like I'm being torn in two. I don't know what to do anymore. The only thing holding me together through this is that I love her. That's the only solid undeniable truth in this whole god damn mess.

People here are simply disgusting. Last night was a peak of decadence for my hall. I'm usually pretty mellow too, but I just can't take this.

But now I'm almost late for class, and I'm sorry I let this hateful rant spill onto this forum. I need some release though. So sorry. Sorry I'm being so damn pathetic.

 

[2morrow]

Jerks like that annoy me to no end. Do they know that (smart) women DON'T think their antics are attractive?!

 

[The Disciple]

Wow.

 

[LJT]

You ain't being pathetic mate...those types of guys are 10 a penny, have known quite a few last year at uni...one guy called Dean especially annoyed the hell out of me, he had a girlfriend yet went through how many other girls I do not know......one who was a girl who was good friend of mine and who I was about to admit to I had feelings for, the same night Dean gets to her......felt my stomach twist in two over that, plus he comes over all smiley to me 'alright mate?' and hangs all over me

Problem is you see these sorts of guys getting who they want and then you yourself seemingly always missing out...I think that could be partly what winds you up over this guy Matt?

Age old question of why the jerks get the gals and the good guys get left by the roadside.

Lance my advice would be for now try to find some activity or anything to do that does not involve her, not suggesting that you cut her out from your life, just find some time away from her with other people....to take your mind off her (even though it probably won't)....as some have suggested maybe some casual dating might be fun for a bit?

Hints are also a good thing, make sure they aren't too obvious though, I should have a criminal record for oh so obvious hints, like leaving a box of stuffed toys outside her door for christmas......

 

[Lancemc]

Good advice LJT. The only thing I felt like pointing out is that "Mike" (the guy I have the problem with) isn't the jerk who gets the gal, he's actually the jerk who doesn't get anyone b/c he's a prick. So it's not like I'm jealous (not the right word) or anything like that, I just can't stand Kate letting herself put up with him. I just wish she'd get the guts to tell him to fuck off.

And I do plenty of stuff without her. I usually only see her for a short time every day, with the occasional whole day together. It's probably a good thing she has soooo much work to do every week, that she's usually preoccupied with other things. I only saw her for 15 minutes today, and I didn't get depressed at all.

Like I may have said earlier, tomorrow will be our "hang-out" day. I've been looking forward to it for a while. The two of us are going to the National Symphony Orchestra for my Understanding Music class, and probably dinner beforehand. She loves to get all dressed up, so she's excited about it. In between taking rediculous amounts of notes for class I hope to drop the first few "subtle hints" and see how she reacts. From there I'll have a better idea of what to do I think.

And I seriously can't stand the last post I made. I hate feeling like that. That night was just probably the worst I've felt since I've been here.

 

[LJT]

Don't worry about it...its venting, better than keeping it locked up inside, honestly it would have just make you feel sick to the stomach for the next few days.

Anyway enjoy your 'hang-out' day and good luck with the oh so subtle hints

 

[anitram]

Friendly flirting or not, you generally don't do it with someone you don't find attractive. Just sayin'.

Get a few drinks in and you don't care so much anymore.

 

[Lila64]

I've been following along, but haven't posted. Hope the evening went well for you

 

[Lancemc]

I've been following along, but haven't posted. Hope the evening went well for you

Well, this evening was nice. We ate at this nice restaurant before the show, but we had to rush a little because it took longer to get there than I thought.

The Symphony was amazing though. Really awesome stuff. Oh my God, this one lady in the orchestra box seats had a heart attack or something and had to be taken out of the hall. The Orchestra stopped and the conductor turned to the audience and said "Is there a doctor in the house?". It was pretty scary, but funny at the same time.

Aaaaanyway, we had a good night. I didn't really get to drop any "hints" like I had planned. The timing just never revealed itself. We kind of flirted a little though, so it was still progress.

She was absolutely radiant though. Gorgeous. Queerly enough we ended up wearing matching colors, khaki pants and black top. That made for a cute moment.

*Sigh* Ahh well, the struggle continues. I'll keep you posted.

 

[Lila64]

 

[Canadiens1131]

I am reminded of a Stones song


Love is strong
But you're so sweet
You make me hard
You make me weak


At least the third line.

 

[Lancemc]

I am reminded of a Stones song


Love is strong
But you're so sweet
You make me hard
You make me weak


At least the third line.

Which reminds me, if I may touch on a fairly sensitive area momentarily, about that. Being a hormonal young man and what-not, it's natural to fantasize about girls and such. And I have sexually fantasized about many attractive girls I've known over the years, but nothing more than that of course, that much is natural. What I find a little strange is that I've never thought about Kate that way. Well, I mean of course I've thought about sex, and sometimes when we're talking I just want to reach out and kiss her, but I've never explicitly "fantasized" about her, if you know what I mean. Maybe it's nothing, but maybe it's another layer of depth to this whole situation.

 

[LJT]

You've got it bad man, waaaay bad

The whole not fantasizing thing may be because you have put her up on a bit of a pedastel perhaps? Otherwise I can't really think of what it could be...curious

Do you guys have anything else coming up that will be just you two? I think it is better you get the hints in sooner rather than later....you two seem to be at a really good and natural point in your relationship, it really does seem that it would only take a little prompting into a romantic relationship.

Anyway glad you had a good time you heart throb

 

[Lancemc]

Do you guys have anything else coming up that will be just you two? I think it is better you get the hints in sooner rather than later....you two seem to be at a really good and natural point in your relationship, it really does seem that it would only take a little prompting into a romantic relationship.

Anyway glad you had a good time you heart throb

Well maybe it would maybe it wouldn't. I'm so bad at judging things like this. I do feel like I need to do something soon though, whether that's little hints or flirting or who knows what. Worst case scenario I'd just like to know once and for all she's not interested. So basically I'm just dying for some progress of any kind in our relationship.

And yeah, I guess I do have it bad, don't I, hehe.

 

[Lancemc]

No progress today per se, but a wonderful Interferencer () gave me some painfully solid advice earlier, something I really took to heart. It looks like I may be in for the long haul with this one. My patience is about to be tested in a way i never imagined it would, and I hope my emotional stamina is up to it.

 

[Varitek]

U2 wrote a song for every occasion.

Just think,

In a little while
Surely you'll be mine
In a little while I'll be there

In a little while
This hurt will hurt no more

 

[redhotswami]

and don't forget that song is about a hangover. So drink up, relax, and enjoy the ride!

Hang in there, it will be long, but as long as she is in your life (no matter what the capacity) it will be wonderful

 

[neutral]

Hey Lancemc I've been following this thread and was wondering, does she talk about her bf much when you're hanging out?

 

[Lancemc]

Hey Lancemc I've been following this thread and was wondering, does she talk about her bf much when you're hanging out?

Well, not a lot exactly. Somethings will remind her of stories about him and things he does or whatever, but she also does that with everyone she knows. So, she does talk about him every now and then, but it's not steady by any means.

And on a different note, Window In the Skies instantly made me think about her , and the combination of my love of Kate and my love of new U2 is seriously sending me into shaking fits here in my chair. Oh man, it's a good day.

 

[Lancemc]

Ok, to be more specific, these lines really hit home for me here.

"The sky over our head
We can reach it from our bed
If you let me in your heart
And out of my head"

I'm still a little in shock of how poingently this relates to my situation. If I could simply release all these feelings for her and if she would accept me and share that with me, I feel like we could reach the sky. Figures Bono would be the one to put down all my feelings for her into a simple 4-line phrase.

Yeah, it's a damn good song on its own right, but I instantly felt that connection with it. Every time I listen to it, that part still starts to choke me up a bit.

As a side note, and I don't really know why I feel like writing this down, but what the hell. I finally, errm, fantasized about her tonight. We were watching Nip/Tuck on DVD, Episode 203 to be specific, and I just couldn't help myself. Yeah, I had a brief but very strong sexual urge right there, and I must admit I thought about what it would be like with her.

It did feel good to fantasize though for just a little while. At the same time though this sneaking feeling crept back that has been telling me nothing is ever going to happen between us. I'm not sure whether it's instinct or pessimism, but something wants me to believe it's a lost cause. That I'm only wasting my time with this. Luckily that's still nothing more than an occasional itch I have to scratch before my hope and complete love for her takes over again.

Hopefully I can stay in control of this and not freak out too badly. I think it would be a big help if I could confide in a close friend here about this. I need someone I can talk to in person, as great as you all are and have been . Problem is, there is nobody like that here. And friends from home can't offer any more insight that any of you (I already have spoken to one friend from home about it. But she told me to just completely open my heart to her right away. I don't think so). I'd like to think Kyle would be a good enough friend to trust with this, but I have a feeling he'd only resent me for it. Bah.