Long Distance Dating/Relationships

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love_u2_adam

love_u2_adam

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I've been in one for 3 weeks. It's driving me nuts. I havent seen him in a week and a half.. barley talk because he's busy with work a lot. I'm willing to do it, put all my effort into it. I want to make it work! It takes a lot for me to trust, i have to many flaws when first dating someone. I haven't had a real boyfriend in a year. I've never done long distance. Dennis does come up every weekend pretty much but still i want to trust him i just ahhh can't! I've always got some thought racing through my head which i know isn't true. But I'm going to learn to deal with it. I just need some help:(. I'm so stressed i just want someone to talk to once in a while, but i can't tell him a lot now because he called me clingy on Friday when i wanted him to call me. he hasn't had a girlfriend for a long time ether so maybe he just doesn't realize it yet that dating means getting to know one another by communication. And now that i'm actually like not single i've got like 10 guys on my ass. I can't deal with that! He acts really protective when we're together but when we're not together he doesn't even care. I'm a very jealous girlfriend (one of my flaws) and he isn't. I'm sure if he knew what guys were saying to me he would be but that's not what i wanna do, make him angry. A guy that i fell hard for a year ago just came back into my life as of yesterday.... my heart fell when i saw him. But i'd never wanna go back to that because he does coke now (honestly when i walk out of guys lives, they fall apart). And i don't see the need to go out partying anymore if my boyfriend isn't around... like honestly i rather spend a night with my girlfriends. Ahh but getting back on topic... this drives me crazy.. will it ever go away?
 
Long distance relationships suck. That said, I'm sort of in one now. My fiance lives 40 minutes from me, but we see each other two days a week. We've been together for 4 years and it's worked pretty well since we're getting married in a little under a year. Jealousy won't go away with time, but it'll diminish a bit as you build up trust. Anyway, good luck! :up:
 
Good luck, I had one for about two years, but that was pretty long ago.

We were living in different countries and there were times when we didn't see each other in weeks. Somehow it worked. It gave me the opportunity to do many things I probably wouldn't have been able to do otherwise. I appreciate a certain amount of freedom and time to do stuff for myself or to spend with other people. It CAN work if both people feel that way and are ok with this kind of relationship. Trust is something that's very important here.

It only started to become difficult when we moved in together for some time. I'm not the kind of person who can handle relationships that become too close because I'm used to doing my own thing. I loved him very much though and we were friends and still in contact for many years after the relationship had broken up. I know that he got married some time ago. It was very hard for me to accept that, but it's ok now. I have no bad feelings.
 
Trust and communication are the biggest things that you need to have in a long distance relationship. Mike and I carried on this way for about 5 years or so before I moved to Chicago last year. We would only see each other a couple of times out of the year. Really tests you and makes you think about A LOT of things! Like with Tourist it worked for us since we just got married 2 months ago :). It is a struggle but if you are both willing to commit it can be a wonderful thing. Amazing how much you find yourself opening up when your only means of being together is by phone or e-mail most of the time.

Btw congrats on your upcoming wedding Tourist :)
 
unfortunately there is nothing we can say here that will help you build the trust you need. that is defintely something you need to find within you or it won't work. long distance relationships are VERY difficult but no matter how tough they are you need to have that trust. You & Dennis have the weekends to look forward to. if the weekends are awesome then when you part, hold onto the memories you made as long as you can.....when they start to ween.... get excited about how you'll see him soon and what you'll do together!

Communication is key as well and even though you need someone to talk to if you get stressed, use your friends and family that are close if he is busy. Life is crazy and work is overwhelming so your conversations may not always take place when you want them to or suggest them to. i'm sure Dennis realizes that dating does mean getting to know each other by way of communication. Give him a call when you need to but if he can't talk or isn't home just leave a message and ask he give you a call when he can and don't necessarily think the worst if he doesn't call back when you think he should.

I've been in a few long distance relationships, one where i was engaged. One relationship lasted about a year with us seeing eachother practically every weeked. The guy i was engaged to, we were in that relationship for about 4.5 years (2 we were an hour apart driving and 2.5 where we were hours apart by plane) and we saw eachother every 3 or 4 months because he was military and stationed in Hawaii, San Diego, North Carolina and i was in NJ. Through out both of those relationships i whole heartedly trusted my partner. neither worked out but for completely different reasons.

like i said before, life is crazy, life happens and i knew that we would both interact, party, meet all kinds of new people and be in varied social situations, but just like you want him to trust you, you've got to trust him. don't let your emotions get the best of you cause then you'll dwell on them and it can potentially ruin the good times you could have when you do actually see eachother.

LD relationships CAN work. they defintiely do for some. your nerves are understandable....maybe even some of your jealousy is understandable, but ya just got to get those in-check. it can be completely worth it to stick it out and see where it goes. don't give up easily if you really like him. give it a fair shot :)

good luck and stay positive :hug:
 
We have a saying in spanish "Amor de lejos, felices los tres." Which translates roughly to "Long distance love, and all three are happy." which is trying to imply that there's almost always some cheating involved. Hope I helped. :wave:
 
cruzila said:
unfortunately there is nothing we can say here that will help you build the trust you need. that is defintely something you need to find within you or it won't work. long distance relationships are VERY difficult but no matter how tough they are you need to have that trust. You & Dennis have the weekends to look forward to. if the weekends are awesome then when you part, hold onto the memories you made as long as you can.....when they start to ween.... get excited about how you'll see him soon and what you'll do together!

Communication is key as well and even though you need someone to talk to if you get stressed, use your friends and family that are close if he is busy. Life is crazy and work is overwhelming so your conversations may not always take place when you want them to or suggest them to. i'm sure Dennis realizes that dating does mean getting to know each other by way of communication. Give him a call when you need to but if he can't talk or isn't home just leave a message and ask he give you a call when he can and don't necessarily think the worst if he doesn't call back when you think he should.

I've been in a few long distance relationships, one where i was engaged. One relationship lasted about a year with us seeing eachother practically every weeked. The guy i was engaged to, we were in that relationship for about 4.5 years (2 we were an hour apart driving and 2.5 where we were hours apart by plane) and we saw eachother every 3 or 4 months because he was military and stationed in Hawaii, San Diego, North Carolina and i was in NJ. Through out both of those relationships i whole heartedly trusted my partner. neither worked out but for completely different reasons.

like i said before, life is crazy, life happens and i knew that we would both interact, party, meet all kinds of new people and be in varied social situations, but just like you want him to trust you, you've got to trust him. don't let your emotions get the best of you cause then you'll dwell on them and it can potentially ruin the good times you could have when you do actually see eachother.

LD relationships CAN work. they defintiely do for some. your nerves are understandable....maybe even some of your jealousy is understandable, but ya just got to get those in-check. it can be completely worth it to stick it out and see where it goes. don't give up easily if you really like him. give it a fair shot :)

good luck and stay positive :hug:
Click to expand...

Very excellent advice :up:
 
Thanks a ton. I think it will really work, i mean we're only an hour apart and he's probably moving here next year. i think geting through this first week not seeing has really done a lot. He might not come up this weekend because of work but i'm feeling ok (well as ok as i can) but i'm not freaking out like i did last weekend. My girlfriends dad won't be here anymore so i'll probably go spend some times with her. I'm feeling very positive:D
 
You're - what? - 16 now?

My advice to you probably has more to do with relationships in general than with long distance relationships specifically, but here it goes: you need to realize that the relationships you're getting into during your teen and young adult years aren't going to last anyway, nor should they, and you need to just relax and enjoy them for what they are - practice for the real thing, and a way of getting to know yourself, and what you want in a romantic partner.

In all likelihood, one of you will cheat, or piss the other off in some way, and it'll end. Distance probably won't be the main issue though, it'll be age and maturity and unsuitableness. But believe me, it'll be for the best, because the odds are very great that the person you're dating when you're 16 is NOT the person you're going to want to be married to when you're 25 or 30.

So, maybe try to learn to relax, lighten up, and enjoy it for what it is? Easier said than done, I know, but I wish someone had pointed this out to me when I was your age. :)

Also, 3 weeks is a *very* short time to get to know someone and to learn to trust them. It takes much longer than that. Give yourself and him time.
 
I was in a long distance relationship for a good 2 years before. I'm only 19 years old, but I learned a lot of stuff from being in that relationship.

First off, there is always another person who interferes on being completely devoted to each other. For my relationship, it was me. I cheated on my boyfriend but it was because I wasn't getting enough support from him. I was going to an out-of-state college by the way. When I'm home though, we live a good 45 minutes away from each other.

Believe it or not, it's gonna be rough. Especially if you've already exchanged 'I love you's. I'm still friends with this guy, but we both admitted that the long distance relationship took way too much time, effort, money (to visit each other), and dedication, especially since we were both going to school at that time.

Good luck and I'm sure you'll be fine. Besides, you end up learning out of experience instead of what you hear. And experience stays with you your entire life.
 
I have been in one for 4 years, and up until maybe 2 months ago I would have said ..yes it works. sure it takes a lot of work, a lot of trust, and there were days when i would wake up and be completely sad that i couldn't do something as simple as walk down the street with my boyfriend because he's about 13 hours away. however, it wasn't always saddening, through emails, letters, postcards and phonecalls it helped to stay in touch and be part of one another's life. i should also mention i am a fairly independent person i suppose, i enjoy my time alone, and i am content being at home paintnign, reading or watching a movie. of course once in a while it's hard because you want to go out and do something fun with your friends but they have boyfriends who hang out with, so those were times when i would miss his companionship even more. love, obviously, plays a crucial part in it, and is what either makes or breaks a relationship. my relationship has lasted more than a lot of people i know who lived within 10 minutes of each other, so distance isn't always the only criteria.

it's all in a bit of past tense, because until recently there was a loss of trust, and it has hurt me deeply, i have always been a big believer in truth above all, and of course when someone lies and it's that "someone" it makes everything ten times worse. so as of lately, i am in that internal conflict of forgiving someone, which i found out wasn't the diffcult part but rather regaining the trust seems rather impossible now.
i have no answers to my own dilemma, and while he has asked for forgiveness and aplogized immensly, part of the me just kinda gave up on it. while of course still being in love with him, but afraid that i would stay in the relationship because it is the "easy" thing to do, because i can be myself around him, tell him anything anhd because in my mind i envisioned my future with him.
so i suppose, all i can really say is that yes it can work but it takes a lot of work, dedication and honesty from both parties. most of the time, it seems that ..it doesn't.
 
Don't bother. Cash-in on your long distance relationship and buy yourself some stocks in short-distance relationship.
 
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