Lonely?

[WCF]

Hey, been lurking on Interference for a while, but this is going to be my first post here.

So my problem is that I don't have any close friends, and I don't know what to do. I'm a 15 yr old male in high school. I admit I'm not a very social person, but I don't find it too hard to make friends.

The problem is my parents are the really traditional Asian type. They discourage friends because they are worried about bad influences, drugs, that sort of stuff. Very strict. I'm not allowed to go out, and they get upset when they find out I've been using the phone/internet to talk to people. They always start asking me a bunch of questions, like "Are you talking to those crazy people again?!". I've tried talking to my parents, but they just are not very trusting people. A little bit racist too. I've pretty much given up on trying to change them, and I don't want to look like one of those rebellious teens.

I work, I get good grades, I (believe) am a nice person. I'm satisfied with my friendships at school, but when I'm not at school I'm always lonely. I get depressed every now and then, with a lot of self-pity and jealousy. My closest friends I only know through the internet, and it sorta makes me feel like a loser. Anyone know how to cope with this?

 

[Sevikins]

You know, you're not alone. I get where you're coming from. My parents are just the same like that-- especially like my mom, who calls me every 10 minutes asking me where the hell I am.

It's hard to really go out and make friends when your parents are like that... but you know what? Who cares really? They are after all, just your parents. They may have issues because of either what they read in the news, or watch in the television. You are the one who should be able to determine which friends are good for you and which ones aren't. It's just part of growing up... despite how your parents want to keep you as a child. It's just a part of life. They'll get used to it.

Try bringing your friends over... and when they see that the friends aren't so bad, they'll warm up (sooner or later). Just keep showing them that you have a good eye for people and soon enough they'll start trusting your decisions.

At least you're not a girl in a traditional Asian family.

Good luck.

 

[Liesje]

Wow that's tough My parents let me do whatever I wanted, almost to the point where I would have to push the limit just to get noticed. Anyway, is there any chance you can work out a deal in order to win their trust? Like, since you work and get good grades, you deserve a certain amount of fun/out time. Then if you do something bad, or even something like not call and say where you are or come home late, your parents get to take time away. You still have the lousy end of the deal, but at least you'd have something and could prove to them that you can be trusted.

Or, what if you joined some type of club that they liked? Like being in the drama group (just doing lights or building sets if you're not into acting) or some club like that. Assuming you're applying for college, you could tell them you think this will help your applications, to have more activities and possibly leadership roles.

Just think, a few more years and you can do to college and live on your own by your own rules. You sound like the type of person who won't go crazy, so it should be a refreshing experience for you.

 

[love_u2_adam]

poor thing...I'm the same age and know how hard it is to have friends in high school and i know how hard it is to be "popular". i don't consider myself popular i consider myself outgoing. i use to be quite in elementary school and i was a loner. the kids called me ugly, really called me mean things. i didn't have any self esteem till grade 7 i think. And my best friend was the "pretty one, the hot one" and i was cast out. i still get my moments where i am lonely but that's maybe once a month or so..but as long as you get though school, get a good job, and have a family who loves you. you love will be fine....high school sucks!!!!!!!!! so don't feel like a loser...the teenage years are hard



my parents.....i don't know they're cool....they let me do anything really but i don't wanna get into the drugs eve though i have gotten drunk...i'm not gonna shun that...but i don't do it lots...i come from a small town yeahhh

 

[pepokiss]

well... almost everything she said was right...

and sure, your parents are stricts, but if you please them ( as I think you're doing) you can come up to them some day, one of this days, and say "hey, cut me some slack... TRUST me"

and after that, you don't go out and get wasted and all drunk... you said trust me, you do good things...

that's what confidence is all about....


and about you being a loner... well... that at some point dissapear... HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS... and it sucks hard... you have to know that... and play with that

 

[VertigoGal]

High school does suck in some ways, it can be hard. I can relate about having tons of friends at school but feeling less like that when you're home, it was worse for me last year. A lot of people sort of deal with that I think. I feel for you being stuck in a situation where your parents are keeping you from things you naturally want for yourself. I can't say how I'd react exactly in your situation, but basically you can either wait until you get out of the house to live the life you want to, you can try to make some kind of compromise with your parents like others have suggested, or if that doesn't work you can basically stand up for yourself and your right to have a social life, and assume they'll get over it. I can't say exactly what I'd do in your situation and I don't know your parents, but I would not go with the first one, sitting around counting down to college or moving out. You can't live like that. I honestly think at some point you need to stand up for yourself, and I don't mean rebelling with hardcore drugs and piercings just to spite them (not that it sounds like you'd consider that).

At some point I really think you have to live your own life and they'll just have to adjust to it- and probably come around once they see that you're not going to magically transform into some drug dealer dropout spreading your genes around town. Again I don't know your parents and things like that are sometimes easier said than done. But you're your own person and you seem like a great person- hope you can figure out a way to fit friends into your life outside of school.

 

[redhotswami]

Do you have any older siblings? Maybe they have some advice on how they made it?

If not...I'd suggest trying to reason with your parents. I know it is going to feel like you are beating your head up against a wall because I'm sure you've talked to them before. But...my only advice is to remain persistent!

Is there any way you can convince your parents to let your friends come over to the house? That way your parents can meet them and that would rid of their "drugs, etc. " assumptions.

Lies had a brilliant idea about getting move involved in school. There are loads of sports, clubs, etc, I'm sure you can find one that interests you. If not in your school, then usually there are opportunities at local community centers.

Good luck, that must be tough. But hang in there! And keep talking to your parents. Do what you can to get them to trust you and your decisions.