Life isn't fair

[Alisaura]

It's just not.

Last year, a woman from my work went overseas to work in the UK for a year. She's not a close friend or anything, but we were working together for a year before that and we got along pretty well.
I knew that she'd been though some shit in her life... she's in her 30s, her husband died suddenly several years ago, and she's been battling cancer on and off. You'd never know it to talk to her though; on the surface at least, she's fun and optimistic and she loves life. She has a gaggle of nieces and nephews that she adores.

A couple of months ago, we heard from her sister that the cancer had come back. She had surgery a little while after, and then we were told that she was coming home to Australia.
Today I was told that her condition has deteriorated, she's pretty much bedridden, and the doctors have given her a matter of weeks. She doesn't want anyone from work to see her like that, and I don't blame her.

It's not fair. If anyone deserves to beat the odds and have a long and happy life, it's her. She deserves to see her nieces and nephews grow up, and they deserve to have an awesome aunt.

 

[blueeyedgirl]

I remember my work mate Rita, who died at 45 from a brain tumour. Way too young. As she said to me "I'm not dying, I'm living with cancer". I was lucky to have known her and have her call me a friend. You are lucky to know such a person with an amazing attitude. I hope you get to see her again, or be in contact with her.

 

[Zoobaby14]

God! that sounds so horrible

Life is so unfair.

 

[Angela Harlem]

life is cruel.
can you maybe ring her, ali? or send her a note and some flowers/chocolates/other so you can all say you all are better for having known her, and maybe a thank you, or something more poignant. or less, if that is preferred.





best wishes to you all, though. i hope she finds peace and her journey now be easy.

 

[redhotswami]

Like AH said, try to get in tuch with her still. Even though she doesn't want people seeing her like that, you would totally lift her spirits if she heard from you.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Life certainly isn't fair I have really discovered that over the past weeks. Im really sorry know just how tough this really is

Sending a note or flowers is a great idea. Really believe she would be touched to see that she's thought of so lovingly.

 

[Laura M]

These things aren't fair.

 

[UberBeaver]

I worked with the nicest woman. She had a beautiful young daughter, and very nice husband, and the woman herself was always happy and kind. Never a bad word for anyone. She got leukemia, beat it, then got it again and passed away. When you think about all the horrid, miserable people walking about in glorious health, and constrast their empty lives to a young woman full of life with everything to live for, yeah, it doesn't seem right.

 

[Alisaura]

Thank you all for your thoughts/comments... BonosBaby12, you especially have more pressing things on your mind.

Our team leader at work raised the possibility of us making a group donation to the hospital or a charity of our friends' choice (I'll call her L), in lieu of flowers or something. For myself, I'm inclined to respect L's wishes about not wanting people to call her or whatever... but then I wasn't as close to her as some of the others who've been working there longer, and I tend to have paranoia about intruding on people anyway.

I have War in my car's CD player at the moment, and listening to Drowning Man on the way to work this morning I nearly burst into tears thinking about this whole thing. The thought had occurred that the prognosis was weeks at the most, but it could be any time.
And when I got into work, the team leader pulled me aside, into a meeting room which also contained a box of tissues, and told me that L had passed away yesterday morning. Her sister told us it was peaceful.

I don't regret not getting in touch with her... I'd rather remember her how she was. I'm still not 100% sure whether I want to attend the funeral next week - I want to pay my respects, but I don't want to intrude, as someone who didn't know her so well. I dunno.

At least she's with her husband now.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

 

[indra]

I'm so sorry to hear this. My condolences.

I'm still not 100% sure whether I want to attend the funeral next week - I want to pay my respects, but I don't want to intrude, as someone who didn't know her so well. I dunno.

I've found that people like to know people cared enough about their loved one to appreciate people making the effort to come to the funeral (or wake or visitation). I know I appreciated people coming to the services for my mom and my dad, and other friends have mentioned the same thing. It's just nice for relatives to know people care.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I agree with indra's comment above. Funerals are for those left behind, to say their goodbyes, to show respect. Not attending doesn't indicate the contrary, but attending is not a question of being out of place. No one is out of place at a funeral. It's natural to think that, but no one else will. If anything, your presence will help show just what this friend and colleague and woman meant to you all. Whichever decision you make will be the right one.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Thank you all for your thoughts/comments... BonosBaby12, you especially have more pressing things on your mind.

Our situations may be different but they are still very painful none the less. Im so sorry about your friend's passing

If you feel up to going to the funeral I would suggest that you do. Like everyone else said it's normal to feel that you shouldn't be there. But I think her family would appreciate the attendance though they may not know you.

 

[Laura M]

 

[blueeyedgirl]

I'm so sorry to hear this. My condolences.



I've found that people like to know people cared enough about their loved one to appreciate people making the effort to come to the funeral (or wake or visitation). I know I appreciated people coming to the services for my mom and my dad, and other friends have mentioned the same thing. It's just nice for relatives to know people care.

Yes, I agree completely. It's something I found to be a great comfort. So sorry to hear about your workmate Alisaura. She has been freed from her suffering.

 

[Illumination70]

God! that sounds so horrible

Life is so unfair.

I hear ya there, the part which ticks me off is when the nastiest people are thoe ones who live forever & always have the best luck.

 

[Alisaura]

Thanks again everyone... I have decided to go to the funeral. A few others from work are going too, so at least I'll know some other people there.

 

[Angela Harlem]

 

[BonosBaby12]