I know what you're going through, it's terrible. I suffered from depression and a lot of emotional problems for many years due to my family history and it was causing me a lot of distress. I couln't enjoy life, there was nothing that could delight me in any way, I was afraid to leave house or even my bed in the morning, I woke up with the feeling that there is no use for me in the world and that my life was totally worthless every single day.
Then I went into therapy for years, first I thought it wouldn't help, but after some time things were starting to get better. It wasn't a smooth ride, there were a lot of ups and downs, but therapy really helped me to see things I hadn't been able to see before and to really work on my behaviour, which helped me to control my emotions in times of crises and prevent falling into the dark hole again. I had some good years after that, with a lot of things going the right way, and I felt better, but I got into a really big crisis about a year ago.
People from "outside" don't understand, because they only see how "great" your life is and that you shouldn't have anything to be afraid of or to worry about, but that doesn't help if you feel totally devastated and isolated on the inside. Nice advice like "stay positive" or "get yourself together" isn't really helpful either, and I heard these things for many years. Mental problems and illness still is a big taboo in our society and many people think these problems aren't real, when instead they are very real and more and more people are actually suffering from them.
I went into a therapy group by the end of last year and since then, things are really starting to get better again, even though it sometimes is a hard process, because you really have to work on the stuff that bothers you. But the feeling of being in a group where you can actually talk about everything to people who are emphatic and don't think you're "crazy" or over-sensitive is a really good feeling.
We help each other a lot, it's a process of constant learning and development. We have people who suffer from all types of problems, like panic attacks and depression. I'd really recommend trying to get into a support group or therapy group, it also helps to know you're not alone with your problems, because the truth is that you aren't alone. Good luck
