Jason's semi-annual counseling thread

[UnforgettableLemon]

Well, I've been madly in love with my (ex) girlfriend for a while now. We started dating only 6 months ago, but we've been through so much together. I honestly thought we could make it, even though she was going to a different school and was away most of the time. But gradually, she started making less and less effort to stay in touch. I got jealous, but decided I was being selfish, and let it go.

So Christmas break came and went, and we had an unbelievably good time together. I mean we are SO much alike. But then everything fell apart when she went back to school.

She started practicing for Softball, and playing intramural basketball. I'm glad she's active, and I thought I could live with the lack of communication, but eventually I cracked. We talked, and both decided it was for the best if we took some time off.

So tonight I called her, and basically she just feels bad for taking so much time away from our relationship and doing other things, but that she doesn't think she's willing to change it, and that it would be unfair to me if she didn't. And the fact that her friends, guys and girls, do crash in her room and bed. It doesn't bother me, I trust her. But she doesn't think it is fair to me that she doesn't care either.

So she doesn't want to try to get things back together with me yet. But I hate being alone, so I want to at least start dating. But I'm scared that if I do start dating, and I get interested in someone, that she will want to come back, as she has stated numerous times that she loves me as much as she always has. This has happened to me before. I lost hope, and found new girls, only to have my ex that I really cared about return. Only now this is someone I REALLY do love, and to be honest I don't want to date anyone else. But I feel like it's the only healthy thing to do. Suggestions?

 

[daisybean]

She sounds very independent and realizes that she cannot give you what you need at the moment. She cares about you enough to say "hey, I can't give you what you need most and be happy myself." That says quite a bit about her.

If you don't feel ready to date than don't. However, don't spend your time pining for her to come back, it may never happen. Go out and date when you feel comfortable. Because if you go out with another girl before you work through your feelings with this girl, you're just going to make you and your new date miserable. There is nothing more unattractive than hearing "Oh I miss my ex girlfriend sooooooooo much."

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

 

[UnforgettableLemon]

The only thing is that she does think we could potentially get back together in the future. So it's like I wouldn't have any false hope if not for implied hope. :-\

 

[Sicy]

If you love her that much, wait for her.

 

[SkeeK]

I don't think it would be soo bad to maybe date a bit.. have fun and such. They say it's important to get varied experience. With any luck your other dating will just convince you of how totally better she is. Of course if you feel that you're being dishonest by dating other girls, then don't.

It all comes down to what you want for yourself, and separate it from what you want to want or what other people want, and don't be ashamed of what you want.