I've *never* been to a funeral....

[Discoteque]

Really.

OK, I'm (confession) over 40, and I have yet to attend anything other than a memorial service for anyone who has passed away (and have only been to 2 of those). I've never seen anyone in a casket, buried, etc.

I know this isn't typical in life and I'm a little weirded out over it. On one hand, it's good: longevity runs in my family (my grandma just turned 100!), and my friends and family all have pretty good health.

On the flip side, I know nothing about how to deal with death or great loss. I don't know how to empathize easily with those who have experienced it. I'm scared of that, because depression runs in my family, and I've had it. I worry about how I/we will deal (or not deal) with it. I also have an odd feeling that *when* it does happen, it won't just be one person, but 2, 3 or more in a short time.

Is there truly any way to prepare?? (questions sound so strange around this topic) Or am I just being weird?

 

[walkon11]

Actually, there isn't much you can do to "prepare" for such a tragedy...even if things for a certain loved one appear to be bleak. I've been to my share of funerals, and had my share of losses...if it's unexpected it makes things harder at the beginning, but over time its the adjustment you have to make w/ the loss. That is what really can bring a person down...just remember it's totally normal to be thinking/worried/inquisitive of these harsh realities, as it is something we all have to go through...keeping your head up and having positive people (friends, family, etc) surround you will help you to deal with whatever trials you may face in the future.

 

[Cowgirl]

there's no way to prepare for it, so don't try.
don't even think abotu it unless you need to, disco.
there's absolutely no point.
just consider yourself lucky.

 

[ABEL]

Like everyone has said, there is no way to really prepare for it.

Everyone grieves in their own way, and every situation is different.

Definitely having your friends/family around you can help. In many cases of my relatives dying they were elderly or sick for a long period of time, and death was actually more of a celebration, or relief, knowing that the suffering was over and they were in a better place.

I've always liked the idea of having a wake, or a get together with friends and family after the funeral or memorial, to celebrate the person's life and remembering the good times through photos and stories. I've been through a few of these get togethers with my relatives.

 

[BAW]

Like the others said, there really is no way to prepare. No matter how prepared you think you are or what you have pictured in your mind, its always different once you are actually there.

I do find that its easier to deal with when its an elderly or very ill person and their passing is expected. The funeral is theraputic in a way because you know their suffering is over and the family can try and get back to normal, if that's possible.

I was sad when my father died but he had been very sick and it was somewhat of a relief when he passed. Even though the funeral was at times sad, it was very comforting to hear all the kind words his friends and family had to say about him and it was totally done in his style so it wasn't weird or anything. I mean, how many people have "Freebird" played at their funeral?

When its an unexpected death though or someone very young, the funeral is actually the worst part for me because that says "yes, this is real, he/she is really gone." I just went to a funeral for my son's close friend who died in a horrible accident at 16 and it was the saddest, most heartbreaking hour I have ever spent in a church. I found no comfort whatsoever in being there. It made it too real for me.

So no, I don't think there is really any way to prepare. Death affects everyone in a different way but having friends and family to support you really helps. You're very lucky to have made it past 40 without losing a loved one.

 

[AliTheFOADist]

Ive been to 2 funerals and im 16, my aunty and and uncle died, i wasnt at all prepared for that. now my granda is in very bad health, he's 93, and the doctor has give him about 3-6 months to live, but he wont even last that long. ive been trying to prepare myself for him dying, but i just cant, i dont know how im gonna cope when he's gone. but i suppose it will be a bit easier if you can expect it happening.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I haven't been to very many either, just three offhand that I can recall.

It's never easy, and there is no way to prepare, but all I can say is take each day with the ones you love as they come, that's all you can really do.

 

[Giant Lemon]

On the flip side, I know nothing about how to deal with death or great loss.

I'm 20, I've already been to 6 wakes and funerals, and I still feel like I know nothing about how to deal with death. It's not something you can prepare yourself for. The best advice I can give is just surround yourself with friends, family, and things that comfort you.

 

[Blue_Angel]

Don't worry about it not being normal, just be thankful. As for preparing, don't ever let moments slip away with people you love, you never know what tomorrow brings. Deal with things when they happen because they are inevitable, and don't waste the precious time you have worrying about it

 

[souLnation2002]

Ive been to 2 funerals and im 16, my aunty and and uncle died, i wasnt at all prepared for that. now my granda is in very bad health, he's 93, and the doctor has give him about 3-6 months to live, but he wont even last that long. ive been trying to prepare myself for him dying, but i just cant, i dont know how im gonna cope when he's gone. but i suppose it will be a bit easier if you can expect it happening.

ali

 

[adamswildhoney]

Re: Re: I've *never* been to a funeral....

I'm 20, I've already been to 6 wakes and funerals, and I still feel like I know nothing about how to deal with death. It's not something you can prepare yourself for. The best advice I can give is just surround yourself with friends, family, and things that comfort you.

I feel the same way! I have only been 1 Funeral, that I can remember.

 

[Mrs.Clayton]

When I was 17, I went to 5 funerals in a school year...that brought the grand total to a dozen. I'm 23, and it's been a few years since I went to one, well, we buried the cat in the back yard this spring, so I guess that's 13.
You're not weird, it's a legitimate concern. Nothing can prepare you though...
So it's best to not worry about it, or even give it thought.