Carek1230
Blue Crack Overdose Get me off the internetz!
Wow. I have so much in common with some of you. I also grew up in a family with alcoholic parents. I am the elder by 2-1/2 years of one sister (the very one who has taken up with the friend of mine--see my Confessionals thread). We were mentally and verbally abused growing up mostly by our father and watched him batter our mother physicallt and verbally. I took the brunt of physical punishings whenever my father felt like it too....my sister and friends of mine witnesses me being kicked, slapped, kicked up the stairs, thrown into a glass sliding door. It came to a point when I was 18 when I had to get out of that house. The first occasion I had I ran off with a guy I didn't love and got married. That marriage lasted 17 years but produced my son who is nearly 20.
When my father was drunk things were horrible in our house and we just didn't talk about it with others. when dad was sober and in a good mood things were absolutely awesome. We do have many happy memories of vacations and family times. Unfortunately for me the dark times far outweigh the happier times. It wasn't until my son was born and I became a parent myself that I saw my father in a different light. My sister and I begged our father to get help and on several occasions, he quit drinking, due to health problems and the fact I refused him access to his grandson if he was drinking. We began to bond just before my father died. A brain hemmorage Kaiser claims resulted from his alcoholism.
All I can say is, your father is your father, part of your genetic makeup and that will never change. You can however remove yourself from any abusiveness and violence. You can suggest your father get help but if he refuses, removing yourself from being anywhere near him is the best thing you can do for yourself. There are many agencies and groups like Al-Anon to help deal with feelings and relationships, TONS of books on the market on various topics and of course therapy, counselors and priests or pastors to listen. You can't change your father or his choices, but do make healthy choices for yourself and for your future.
I think toward the end of my father's life he knew he was sick, and he was beginning to get sick, all symptoms of alcohol abuse. He became very loving and it does make me so sad that his life was ended so suddenly when we could perhaps have had a bit more time to have worked out feelings and apologies....there was so much I wanted to say. It took several years of therapy to work through my baggage and I ended up writing a 14 page letter to my father that I read to him aloud at the cemetary then burned when I was able to fully exhale and let go of my hurt and anger and accept what happened and forgive. I haven't forgotten, it is always in the back of my mind and my heart.
Best of luck to you, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and hope it all works out for you all for the best.
When my father was drunk things were horrible in our house and we just didn't talk about it with others. when dad was sober and in a good mood things were absolutely awesome. We do have many happy memories of vacations and family times. Unfortunately for me the dark times far outweigh the happier times. It wasn't until my son was born and I became a parent myself that I saw my father in a different light. My sister and I begged our father to get help and on several occasions, he quit drinking, due to health problems and the fact I refused him access to his grandson if he was drinking. We began to bond just before my father died. A brain hemmorage Kaiser claims resulted from his alcoholism.
All I can say is, your father is your father, part of your genetic makeup and that will never change. You can however remove yourself from any abusiveness and violence. You can suggest your father get help but if he refuses, removing yourself from being anywhere near him is the best thing you can do for yourself. There are many agencies and groups like Al-Anon to help deal with feelings and relationships, TONS of books on the market on various topics and of course therapy, counselors and priests or pastors to listen. You can't change your father or his choices, but do make healthy choices for yourself and for your future.
I think toward the end of my father's life he knew he was sick, and he was beginning to get sick, all symptoms of alcohol abuse. He became very loving and it does make me so sad that his life was ended so suddenly when we could perhaps have had a bit more time to have worked out feelings and apologies....there was so much I wanted to say. It took several years of therapy to work through my baggage and I ended up writing a 14 page letter to my father that I read to him aloud at the cemetary then burned when I was able to fully exhale and let go of my hurt and anger and accept what happened and forgive. I haven't forgotten, it is always in the back of my mind and my heart.
Best of luck to you, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and hope it all works out for you all for the best.
carek
