I've got the blues

The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
See posts with no answers
LemonMelon

LemonMelon

More 5G Than Man
Joined
Aug 31, 2004
Messages
68,797
Location
Hollywoo
Many of you have read my posts for quite a long time. I am a regular here, posting since I was 13. I'm 16 now and I've never really talked all that much about my personal life, but I'm about to now. Be warned. This post is quite long.

For many years (eight to be more or less exact), I have been homeschooled. For those who have never partaken in this type of learning, it may be difficult to quite understand the challenges it brings to the table. Since I was eight, my dad (who has been unemployed since 1996 or so) and I have lived together at home while my mom goes to work to bring home the bread. At first, this arrangement seemed wonderful, but all that glitters...

My life, to put it quite simply, is depressing. Since last month, with the addition of a new dog to the family, things have only become more challenging and dreadful. I wake up in the morning, I am allotted an hour or so to get breakfast and sufficiently prepare myself for my day, and then, for the remainder of the day, I am a dog-sitter. My parents help, which is great, but I still have little to no actual private time of my own. Do you want to know what kids my age are doing right now? They're having a life. But me, I have no life. I never have a life. What happens when school starts? Not much. Same deal, only with extra work on top. :down:

So, you may be asking, why not just go to school for real and get out of there? The reason that I refuse to do this is because here in Hazzard County, there aren't many quality schools to choose from. The options are either a military-esque Baptist school where they beat you over the snout with a rolled-up newspaper (or, in this case, a Bible) if you look at a teacher funny, or the public schools which are, frankly, not very safe. Drugs, guns, fights...good times. Even if I wanted to there, my parents wouldn't let me. They have their heads on straight.

Now, before I indulge myself in misery, as I am about to in a couple of paragraphs, I must say that I am quite well off. I have two parents that love me, a fabulous home in a semi-secluded area (or it used to be), two dogs that love me, a solid allowance, and all of the toys I need (two computers, digital camera, 5-10 video game systems...etc. :drool: ), not to mention my parents are already willing to help pay my way through college (they just ask that I get a part time job to help out). Basically, I'm pretty much set. No problem. Or so it seems.

Riches have a funny way of looking a lot worse when you've had them for a while. My mother, who works quite hard and does very well, also happens to have her priorities all screwed up. My folks have never gotten along, and she has done nothing to help. Men want to be the breadwinners, and it eats my dad alive that he isn't. This, of course, causes strain. She isn't home enough, and this is quite frustrating. Even when she is home, she is absorbed in her career. Divorce has come up countless times over the years, and things never seem to improve between them for long. I think now would be a good time to discuss my own issues.

I am multi-phobic, stress-filled, and, frankly, I've been on the edge of a nervous breakdown for about a month. It doesn't help that I have chronic stomach trouble (IBS and acid reflux, mostly) as well as occasional insomnia, both of which I can attribute to stress. With all of these problems, I have to deal with my parents, the dogs, and, ultimately, myself. It's positively maddening, really. I wouldn't wish the cushy, yet emotionally stressful life I live on anyone...man or beast. Speaking of beasts, let me discuss the new dog.

He is a beagle, has been with us for almost a month, and is, honestly, one of the greatest burdens I've ever saddled myself with. For some, I'm sure it would be cake to take care of him, but with all of the other things I'm going through, getting him was the last thing I should have done. He's a wonderful, sweet, affectionate dog, but ultimately, it's just too much. My parents won't let me get rid of him, so I'm stuck. It could just be the bad mood I'm in, but I've quite forgotten all of the great plans I had for him. It just sucks. Everything just sucks.

There isn't much more to say except that I'm very unhappy with how my life is going. I'm not suicidal, just frustrated. Ultimately though, I'm very hopeful for my adult life and I know that, once I'm forced to actually get a life, I'll feel better for it. College can't come soon enough. I have enough problems of my own, and I don't feel like dealing with anyone else's right now. However, I must. I'll suck it up and continue on. It's how I'm able to talk to others when they have similar troubles.

Really, I'm not quite as miserable as this topic may lead on, but I definitely have moments where I am. This is one of those. In the morning, most likely after I've gotten a good breakfast and a good night's sleep, I'll feel much better and this topic will seem melodramatic. Hormones suck, for real.

I'm not looking for advice, I'm not looking for pity, but I'll accept either, if you're giving them out. Please keep me in your prayers. I would like that very much.

God bless.
 
aww:hug::hug:
yeah life will get better after its all done..
you'll be thanking your self when you're an adult that you got the childhood you did. honestly public schooling sucks and its damaging. this year was ok..high school is shit and annoying and chicks are horrible little devils!!:angry: everyone juges you and who you are..you cant sit alone without someone say shit about you. be happy you dont deal with that crap...or maybe its just me:huh:
 
Make sure whatever schooling you're getting really is preparing you for college. Honestly, I have no idea why parents think they can do this job. It sounds like public school would get you out of the house at least.
 
martha said:
Make sure whatever schooling you're getting really is preparing you for college. Honestly, I have no idea why parents think they can do this job. It sounds like public school would get you out of the house at least.
Click to expand...

They can't. They don't. I handle most of the work myself. You read the book and you take the test. It's the same as any other form of schooling, just with a lot of the crap and pointless time-wasting cut away. Grades have never been my problem anyway...even in two years of public school, I still had straight A's each year.
 
:wink: If I was an idiot, I probably would just be enjoying my life as it is and not be so worried about the future...but I know there's so much more I could be doing that I'm just not. I feel lazy, and it's pretty much my own fault. But at least I want to get out of my rut. :slant:

I'm having a midlife crisis at 16. What has this world come to? :giggle:
 
Hey, it's probably not much consolation, but many of the kids who have the life you crave are most likely miserable too. :wink: (that little tidbit is from personal experience)

Other than that I don't have much to offer. "Oh snap out of it!" isn't helpful. Neither is "Oh you poor, poor kid!" The only thing I can say is that almost everyone has had similar feelings where even the good stuff feels bad. Almost everyone has those feelings, especially when they are young. If the feelings become severe, you need to talk to a counselor or doctor, but if it's mostly that you feel you are missing out on life -- well, everyone feels that way at times. It doesn't make you bad or whiney, it just makes you normal. Sometimes it helps to know everyone else feels like crap too. :wink:

I realise a couple of years seems like a long time when you've only lived 16, but really, you are not at all far away from being able to make a lot more of your own choices -- for good and for bad. You will make it. :yes:
 
I must admit, you are a very good writer. You laid your life setting out for us really well, and that makes it so much easier to respond to.

Now, before I indulge myself in misery, as I am about to in a couple of paragraphs, I must say that I am quite well off. I have two parents that love me, a fabulous home in a semi-secluded area (or it used to be), two dogs that love me, a solid allowance, and all of the toys I need (two computers, digital camera, 5-10 video game systems...etc. ), not to mention my parents are already willing to help pay my way through college (they just ask that I get a part time job to help out). Basically, I'm pretty much set. No problem. Or so it seems.

Riches have a funny way of looking a lot worse when you've had them for a while.
Click to expand...

We fall in the exact same hood. I live in a suburb of Seattle that is very protected from the outside world. My parents are well off and I can completely relate to you. I go to school w/ a bunch of rich brats. I could fall under this category, however, refuse to be apart of this. I work part-time and don't take any money from my parents. What is the saying, "the more money you get, the longer they have a hold on you?" Ok, I made that up, but it is so true. The more goodies your parents give you, whether it be a car, computer, etc. is another way for them to keep you grounded. This isn't to say it is a bad thing, because being grounded (down to earth, good morals, etc) is extremely important, but there is a time where you need to go out, figure things out, and just be one of us, a troubled teen. You probably read my other post and are like, "Who the hell are you to be saying this?" haha, I don't blame you, lol.

But seriously, I so feel for you and know exactly where you are coming from. I go to a private school b/c as my parents said, "it sets you up better for college" and I don't debate that, because it probably does. But, I have also met a few home-schoolers like you. A lot of them are the coolest people I have met. Why? Because they don't judge you, they don't know your background. They don't know who your old gf's were or what clique you supposedly hang out with. It's like a blind date in heaven b/c they are so open to meeting new people. Some are shy, but that is how I am as well.

So, regarding the friendships, they will come, whether it be college or high-school. Maybe sign up, get a job, or volunteer. That is a great way to meet people.

Anyways, I am blabbing. I hope this helped in a little way, even though I reminisced more on myself than anything other.
 
Last edited:
I can't control my words as well as I would like when it comes to the internet and message boards, but I just want you to know that I understand how you feel. You can sit there having everything in life you need, parents who care, pay for the things to make your life great, but still things don't go as perfect as everyone would like. All I wanted to do was go to college, and after I got there I got caught up in all the work/marching band/a possible relationship that just sorta fizzled and left me depressed for the remainder of the school year, and now I too feel like I'm on the verge of having a nervous breakdown because I'm supposed to be on summer break, but in the 6 weeks I've been home, I've only had four days off of work, but I'm not trying to ramble about myself, what I'm trying to tell you is, that I understand how easy it is for all these things to suddenly creep up on you until you just feel like your head is about to explode and there's nothing else you can do but just let it, and it's hard to control it when it gets to be like that, but yes, hopefully you will feel better in the morning, and I really do hope and pray that everything will work out with you....anyways, sorry I gotta a little o/t there

I hope everything goes ok for you LM :hug:
 
bono_212 said:
I can't control my words as well as I would like when it comes to the internet and message boards, but I just want you to know that I understand how you feel. You can sit there having everything in life you need, parents who care, pay for the things to make your life great, but still things don't go as perfect as everyone would like. All I wanted to do was go to college, and after I got there I got caught up in all the work/marching band/a possible relationship that just sorta fizzled and left me depressed for the remainder of the school year, and now I too feel like I'm on the verge of having a nervous breakdown because I'm supposed to be on summer break, but in the 6 weeks I've been home, I've only had four days off of work, but I'm not trying to ramble about myself, what I'm trying to tell you is, that I understand how easy it is for all these things to suddenly creep up on you until you just feel like your head is about to explode and there's nothing else you can do but just let it, and it's hard to control it when it gets to be like that, but yes, hopefully you will feel better in the morning, and I really do hope and pray that everything will work out with you....anyways, sorry I gotta a little o/t there

I hope everything goes ok for you LM :hug:
Click to expand...

personal examples are always the best!
 
:hug:

I don't know if this is comforting at all...but I'm sure there are plenty of people your age who DO go to school and are just as miserable. I think it is natural for you to do some self-reflection at this point. This is around the time when you start exploring college options and plan for the future, right? It sounds like you want to go to college, so let that be the light at the end of the tunnel.

Also, is there some way you can get involved with something between now and then? Yes, grades are important, but college admissions also look at your co-curricular activities. Socialization is a very important part of the college experience, so being involved in a group or something certainly couldn't hurt!

I know you're very much into music. Could you possibly join a band, perhaps at your church? Also, is there any way you can incorporate music theory into your home-school curriculum?

You may wanna look into volunteering too. I'm sure your church has different groups. Just find a cause you're passionate about, and try getting involved with groups who share the same passion.

And have you discussed this with your parents? From previous posts, I would think that you are close to them and can talk with them no problem. Why not tell them how stressed you are right now, and some of your concerns. Your parents love you and care about your wellbeing. I'm sure you all can talk about how to make some changes to help you out here.

oh and my advice to most people your age: teenage years suck. they really do. nothing makes sense. i don't know why it is this way, but they just suck. so be affirmed in knowing that at least you arent alone :)
 
I'm not too surprised that you feel depressed, stressed, frustrated, and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, because it sounds like your parents are too. Kids often reflect the world outlook of their parents.
 
I can help you out with the dog. What's he doing that is bad? How old is he and where did he come from? What does he eat and what is his exercise schedule like?
 
:hug:

Dude, that sucks...

I really don't have any experience with being home schooled or having dogs but I do remember what it was like having parent tension and being a teenager :down:

I'll try an cheer you up instead... :D

Can I just say that the fact that you live in a place called "Hazzard County" rules? :rockon:

hazzard.jpg


:drool:
 
Did you ever try sitting down with your parents and talking to them about it?

You write so amazingly well for someone your age, can you give them each a letter with the things you wrote in your post.

If you really need an unbiased adult/moms opinion you can always pm me. :hug:
 
I think no matter what type of schooling you are receiving, high school years suck for almost everyone (they suck longer and harder depending...). You are indeed close to college and driving and all of those things, and you are very funny and write well and all of those things, so I'm sure you aren't lonely due to some terrible personality flaw. I agree with Unico, get out of the house as much as you can. You shouldn't spend the whole summer inside, that's blatantly unfair and if you need to make a case to your parents, the better-shot-at-good-colleges-if-I-do-more-activities bit (and it's true) is worth a try. Do something this summer, a project, a volunteer group, something.

And during the school year, now that you are in the older high school years, can you convince your parents to let you take a community college class or two? I know several homeschoolers and even just gifted public school students who I go to college with now who did that in hgih school. There are bound to be classes that are crap or boring, like stay away from straightforward basics classes, but what about philosophy or russian literature or astronomy or music theory whatever gets you going? These things may not be in a typical high school curriculum but homeschooling is partially about that flexibility and you will be learning writing and analysis skills that are valuable and will help you in college. On top of that definately seek out activities and maybe even get a job - as another poster your age said, making your own money can be very empowering (as long as you don't find the actual work you do torturous - if you like music, work in a music store, etc.). And again, to make the case to your parents, these things look great on a college application.
 
JCOSTER said:
Did you ever try sitting down with your parents and talking to them about it?

You write so amazingly well for someone your age
Click to expand...

I agree, I always forget that you're so young, LemonMelon. You seem a lot more mature, and I think that this post shines some light as to why that is. I also agree with talking to your parents, if you haven't already. On the outside looking in, I think it would appear that everything is all right for you. Therefore, your parents may have no idea how you are feeling.
 
OK, OK...where to begin.

I did talk with my father last night about these things, not long after I made this post, and it was quite reassuring. There's nothing he could say that could fix the problem, ultimately that's my job, but just knowing that he felt my pain was enough at the time.

Now, let's take this thing apart.

indra, miri, struckpx, bono_212, Lila, and others that I missed that tried to comfort me in a more simple manner - thank you for the timely, good-natured advice. It's much appreciated.

unico & Varitek - though I know it'll stretch me quite a bit, I know that you're right about volunteering and extra-curricular work. It would be good for me and increase my chances of getting into a truly great college. Beyond that, it's good for me, and getting out of the house should be my ultimate goal. It would be much easier to continue my life the way it's currently going, but I know it would be damaging to my self-esteem and ultimately stunt my emotional growth. I'll get on these things as soon as I can. BTW, here's an interesting tidbit; if I do continue homeschooling through my senior year (which I do not intend to do, because I want to be in a place where I can actually get ready for college, rather than just simply be thrown in), I can actually finish my schooling this coming year, and spend next year doing community college classes. I can do this because the homeschool curriculum is flexible...but I'll just have to work much harder to get there. However, I don't really want to do that, as I'm not sure I'll be ready to leave my parents in a year. :(

Ormus - It's true, my whole family is quite dysfunctional these days. Much of the stress in my life is subliminally (or not so subliminally) caused by this whole situation. As soon as I leave though, I'm sure the whole house of cards will crash, sad as that sounds. I'm sure my dad will be happier for it, as he feels like just as much of a prisoner here as I do.

Liesje - I know this will make you cringe slightly, but the puppy is only about to turn 11 weeks old. I don't think I need to say much more. :wink: He's actually quite good for a puppy (he even scratches at the door sometimes when he wants to go out :happy: ), but we already have a dog (he's 9) that suffers with seizures and other problems, and he hasn't been handling having this new one around. We always have to separate them. :( Other than that, the puppy is just that...we all love him...it's just not something we were ready to do again. He exercises often, eats well, and is quite healthy, according to our veterinarian.

elevated_u2_fan - Son, we don't actually live in Hazzard County, it's a figure of speech. :wink: It was originally supposed to be Green Acres...then it became Petticoat Junction, and now it is what it is. However, there are actual Dodge Chargers in these parts, and we do have a general store, but we call it Wal-Mart. :wink:

unico (again) - My parents are way too protective, but they decided that I should start trying for my driver's license the day I turn 17. They asked that I start familiarizing myself with the material I'll be tested on until then. :) I think I'll be taught on a stick as well...neither of my parents believe in learning on automatics. :wink:

JCOSTER & Bonochick - As I said at the top, I have talked with them, but perhaps putting these things out on the table in a more articulate way would get them to listen a bit more closely. I should get the balls to do this. It's important. Thanks for the PM offer. :hug:

I'm very pleased with how this thread has gone so far. Please, keep posting. I'm enjoying reading all of your suggestions, and I certainly have the time. :flirt:
 
LemonMelon said:
elevated_u2_fan - Son, we don't actually live in Hazzard County, it's a figure of speech. :wink: It was originally supposed to be Green Acres...then it became Petticoat Junction, and now it is what it is. However, there are actual Dodge Chargers in these parts, and we do have a general store, but we call it Wal-Mart. :wink:
Click to expand...

You lied??!! Here I was thinking you lived in a cool-ass county :grumpy:
 
LemonMelon said:
- My parents are way too protective
Click to expand...

It sure sounds like it.

I like the idea of community college. It would be a nice transition for you from the relatively relaxed demands of homeschool to the more structured demands of university, especially with your goal of a "truly great college." To be tossed into a university atmosphere straight from home would be daunting, to say the least.
 
martha said:


It sure sounds like it.

I like the idea of community college. It would be a nice transition for you from the relatively relaxed demands of homeschool to the more structured demands of university, especially with your goal of a "truly great college." To be tossed into a university atmosphere straight from home would be daunting, to say the least.
Click to expand...

Indeed it would. Somewhere between now and then there will be a change of some kind...community/junior college or public school...because no way am I just being thrown into college. Not if I have anything to say about it. Can you imagine that? Talk about stress overload.

At the same time, I'm not scared of college though...I'm ready for that kind of stress. It's a good kind of stress. The kind that makes you feel alive. That makes you feel human, and that you're worth your salt. I'm looking forward to that.
 
Last edited:
I can relate. I'm 16 and I am terribly worried about my future.

My parents have some money but I have a lot of siblings, and they certainly don't have enough to pay all of our ways through college. Thus, they have decided that it wouldn't be fair to pay for some of our educations and not others, and they are not paying for any of them. My finances for college pretty much are scholarships or loans. Naturally, scholarships would solve all the problems but they're not a good thing to rely on because of difficulty. It's a tough thing to have to worry about the future. It's all about balance at all times, try to find yours. Good luck. :up:
 
I think community college would be a much better choice than public school for you at this point (but it's your life). Here's why: You are used to self-directed learning, at more of your own pace, and cutting out the bullshit busy work. A senior year of public school with kids you don't know would be in a curriculum you haven't been following (so some stuff will be out of nowhere, other stuff will bore you to death because you did it 2 years ago). You will get more intellectually out of choosing an interesting community college class, and trust me, public school isn't that great of a prep for college. Community College will get you used to having a professor and being in a class and having discussions, but will be much more self driven (like homeschooling and 4-year colleges). Plus you might get lots of transfer credits which can always be useful. However instead of trying to finish everything homeschool related in one year and do CC the next, what if you did some of each so you could have 2 years of CC classes - maybe just one this fall, see how it goes, and then find the right number from there considering the class workload, offerings, and how much homeschooling work you have left.

If you are concerned about social issues and meeting people, community college classes might do that a little, but so will volunteering and joining up with groups and whatnot. Public high school for just senior year would scare the hell out of me personally, and I wouldn't expect to get lasting friendships out of it. Plus you have to wake up early, :barf:
 
Varitek said:
However instead of trying to finish everything homeschool related in one year and do CC the next, what if you did some of each so you could have 2 years of CC classes - maybe just one this fall, see how it goes, and then find the right number from there considering the class workload, offerings, and how much homeschooling work you have left.
Click to expand...

:hmm: I had no idea that was even an option this early. Definitely something to think about. It sounds like the best of both worlds. :up: The advice is appreciated, because I honestly have no idea what the hell I'm doing right now because I've never done it before. :lol:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

O
Better late than never “they” say…
Replies
1
Views
291
Headache in a Suitcase
Headache in a Suitcase
Achtung_Bebe
IO: It's been a while...
Replies
2
Views
695
mikal
mikal
H
Hello
Replies
1
Views
207
Headache in a Suitcase
Headache in a Suitcase
dont_turn_around
Hello everyone!
Replies
1
Views
131
Headache in a Suitcase
Headache in a Suitcase
U
Hey there! I finally made an account here!
Replies
2
Views
275
U2_family365
U

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom