Hello All,
Hope everyone is doing well!
I have to start by saying I'm sorry to be so terrible at summarizing things w/o writing novels. I would appreciate it if some of you could try and read this!
I was reading through the confessionals for the 1st time in ages and was inspired to make this thread by the "recently married, crush on a co worker" thread by coach. Awesome thread, everyone gave him such great insight, and it sounds like it ended extremely well for all involved!
My situation is a bit different. I've been with my girlfriend since January 2011 now and it's a complete mess. I knew she had issues coming in, but I have a case of nice guy syndrome and it was(and obviously remains) my 1st relationship.
Well, without going into the details, she is a type A perfectionist of the 1st order and extremely controlling. She doesn't even approve of me seeing long time friends(male) and family without her and even when I go to work or do other obligatory tasks like laundry, she's questioning me like I'm lying or cheating. I feel like I have a tracking device on me that would be more appropriate for a just released high risk sex offender..........
This past January, I started work with a Police Department in an affluent suburb next to Boston. I do dispatch for now(some interest in the street at some point, but we'll see) Love the job- answer 911, keep track of Cops, Firefighters, Paramedics and get paid pretty damn well.
Job requires extensive training, 1st at an academy, then on the job. That's when I met Natalie. She's my age, attractive and was assigned to training me probably 65% of my days at work. I liked her at 1st glance, but soon wrote her off as a Jekyl/Hyde type who could be very unpleasant and unreasonable at the drop of a hat. At the same time, she can also be very pleasant, friendly, generous with compliments and quite flirtatious. When I got that side of her, I developed a little crush, but it always got off set by the other side of her, which would come out quickly and without warning and usually as a result of her misreading what I had actually been trying to do in a situation.
Once I was off training, I found out that Natalie was in a relationship with a Superior officer about double her age(this was the 2nd such relationship in 3 years) and was an extremely polarizing figure among my co workers. I heard some things that made me think worse of her.
Then one day in August, Natalie texted me to give me a heads up that my boss, the civilian dispatch supervisor, was after me for something he was claiming I did and talking to my co workers about it. I appreciated it very much(as my boss is a major bully who goes after people who do their jobs and coddles people who don't because they're his drinking buddies). She said she thought this was unfair, represented the same pattern that they try on all new, not part of the establishment employees and gave me a lot of advice in the days that followed.
Since then, we've become close at work. Though assigned to different shifts, I see her at shift change and she does a lot of overtime on my shift. I'm the only one of 16 coworkers she goes out of her way to talk to and she often laughs/flirts openly in our conversations. People have recently started to notice and ask me about this.
It's fair to say I have developed a crush on Natalie myself by now, but it's a crush of emotion and the heart. In my head, rationally, I know to stay far, far away from someone who is in a relationship(however strange and from some accounts, strained) with one of my sworn officer superiors, who is already a polarizing work figure and who has shown herself to be a little bit on the crazy side herself.
I also have strong feelings AGAINST cheating in relationships and wouldn't do that as long as I still had my girlfriend. Rationality vs emotion applies here too; I know rationally I should get out of this controlling relationship, but I'm afraid of hurting her emotionally. I've lost countless hours of sleep and exercise and activities I enjoy to this controlling relationship. My family and friends are worried about the greatly increased stress this puts on me, yet I am hyper concerned for her.
I'm just extremely worried that my feelings for Natalie are really about a lack of a healthy relationship with my girlfriend and also that, despite this, every smile, laugh, flirtatious conversation with her is pulling me closer and closer to doing what I know I SHOULDN'T DO.
I've never seen a work relationship end well, and I think it's an even worse thing in a politically charged environment like a Police Department.
I know my ideal is to get out of this and move on to someone completely different and truly right for me, not just someone who seems tempting only in my current box.
Anyone ever have a similar situation??
What do you think of someone like Natalie?
What advice, if any, do you have for getting out of controlling relationships?
Thank you in advance!
Hope everyone is doing well!
I have to start by saying I'm sorry to be so terrible at summarizing things w/o writing novels. I would appreciate it if some of you could try and read this!
I was reading through the confessionals for the 1st time in ages and was inspired to make this thread by the "recently married, crush on a co worker" thread by coach. Awesome thread, everyone gave him such great insight, and it sounds like it ended extremely well for all involved!
My situation is a bit different. I've been with my girlfriend since January 2011 now and it's a complete mess. I knew she had issues coming in, but I have a case of nice guy syndrome and it was(and obviously remains) my 1st relationship.
Well, without going into the details, she is a type A perfectionist of the 1st order and extremely controlling. She doesn't even approve of me seeing long time friends(male) and family without her and even when I go to work or do other obligatory tasks like laundry, she's questioning me like I'm lying or cheating. I feel like I have a tracking device on me that would be more appropriate for a just released high risk sex offender..........
This past January, I started work with a Police Department in an affluent suburb next to Boston. I do dispatch for now(some interest in the street at some point, but we'll see) Love the job- answer 911, keep track of Cops, Firefighters, Paramedics and get paid pretty damn well.
Job requires extensive training, 1st at an academy, then on the job. That's when I met Natalie. She's my age, attractive and was assigned to training me probably 65% of my days at work. I liked her at 1st glance, but soon wrote her off as a Jekyl/Hyde type who could be very unpleasant and unreasonable at the drop of a hat. At the same time, she can also be very pleasant, friendly, generous with compliments and quite flirtatious. When I got that side of her, I developed a little crush, but it always got off set by the other side of her, which would come out quickly and without warning and usually as a result of her misreading what I had actually been trying to do in a situation.
Once I was off training, I found out that Natalie was in a relationship with a Superior officer about double her age(this was the 2nd such relationship in 3 years) and was an extremely polarizing figure among my co workers. I heard some things that made me think worse of her.
Then one day in August, Natalie texted me to give me a heads up that my boss, the civilian dispatch supervisor, was after me for something he was claiming I did and talking to my co workers about it. I appreciated it very much(as my boss is a major bully who goes after people who do their jobs and coddles people who don't because they're his drinking buddies). She said she thought this was unfair, represented the same pattern that they try on all new, not part of the establishment employees and gave me a lot of advice in the days that followed.
Since then, we've become close at work. Though assigned to different shifts, I see her at shift change and she does a lot of overtime on my shift. I'm the only one of 16 coworkers she goes out of her way to talk to and she often laughs/flirts openly in our conversations. People have recently started to notice and ask me about this.
It's fair to say I have developed a crush on Natalie myself by now, but it's a crush of emotion and the heart. In my head, rationally, I know to stay far, far away from someone who is in a relationship(however strange and from some accounts, strained) with one of my sworn officer superiors, who is already a polarizing work figure and who has shown herself to be a little bit on the crazy side herself.
I also have strong feelings AGAINST cheating in relationships and wouldn't do that as long as I still had my girlfriend. Rationality vs emotion applies here too; I know rationally I should get out of this controlling relationship, but I'm afraid of hurting her emotionally. I've lost countless hours of sleep and exercise and activities I enjoy to this controlling relationship. My family and friends are worried about the greatly increased stress this puts on me, yet I am hyper concerned for her.
I'm just extremely worried that my feelings for Natalie are really about a lack of a healthy relationship with my girlfriend and also that, despite this, every smile, laugh, flirtatious conversation with her is pulling me closer and closer to doing what I know I SHOULDN'T DO.
I've never seen a work relationship end well, and I think it's an even worse thing in a politically charged environment like a Police Department.
I know my ideal is to get out of this and move on to someone completely different and truly right for me, not just someone who seems tempting only in my current box.
Anyone ever have a similar situation??
What do you think of someone like Natalie?
What advice, if any, do you have for getting out of controlling relationships?
Thank you in advance!
