I'm too shy and it's a pain

[verte76]

I'm way too shy. I'm an introvert who loves books, art and the Internet. Sometimes I'm not good at working with other people. I sometimes make a real klutz out of myself trying to do it, because I just freeze, get nervous and start to think "I can't do this". Is anyone else too damn shy? I am telling you this can be a real pain in the . What do you do about it?

 

[Mr. BAW]

Maybe you're really not shy at all; sometimes I have a fear of talking to people because I'm afraid they'll talk back...

Just like when the phone rings...do I answer it 'cause I know someone is always on the other end... thankful for Caller-ID!

But seriously, there are times when silence is golden! like now, BAW is on Boston with all the others and the house sounds just fine, the hum of my PC and the clicking of the keyboard...!

 

[verte76]

I didn't say enough in my first post. I don't really know how to say it. I'm in a position where I am *supposed* to contact alot of people. I'm not good at this. Maybe it's the old pressure blahs thing again. Damn.

 

[meegannie]

I'm like that. I don't even like to talk to people on msn or aim because I get too nervous and don't know what to say. Even writing an email takes ages. When I force myself to talk to people, I usually get so nervous that I say something wrong or completely stupid. When I make a phone call or have to talk to someone I don't know, I forget basic things like my age, my name, my address, my phone number, my birthdate, etc. It's SO embarrassing.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I get like that sometimes. I always feel weird talking to a lot of people, and at work I always feel like the biggest dork when people talk to me.

Unless you know me well, you'd probably think I was the most stuck up person in the world, but truth is, I'm just a bit shy.

 

[cass]

I am terribly shy and have handed it on to my children it seems I feel bad about that. I am Ok rambling on here( you may have noticed) but in person I wouldn't say boo, I wouldn't even be in person. I think it is kind of cyclic( not sure) sometimes I feel Ok, but not very often.
Try to deal with it verte, the longer you live with it, the worse it gets.

 

[Danospano]

I was painfully shy until around the 7th grade. Before that time period I wouldn't comfortably talk to anyone outside of my family and close friend without having a panic attack. When I let my guard down and realized that people liked my personally I was much happier.

As for HOW to go about this transformation from introvert into swinging socialite: Be yourself. Some people will hate you because of your true self, but alot of people will LOOOOVEEE you. It's a big risk...but it leaves you without any regrets. Talk about what you like. If you don't know about a certain subject let it be known. "I love that you're so enthusiastic about chess, but I have no knowledge of it".

Working on a sense of humor can usually disarm people and make interaction more comfortable. Most shy people are afraid of being funny, but if you can make people laugh, most of your problem is solved.

 

[anitram]

I'm not tremendously shy, I just don't like large groups of people. I've never felt comfortable that way and prefer one-on-one interactions.

 

[beli]

I prefer one on ones too. In a group I dont tend to say much at all. But I think Im more quiet than shy these days. I can certainly scream at all and sundry when Im evacuating a building though. So it depends on the situation.

 

[meegannie]

I much prefer being in a group of three or four than being one-on-one or in a large group. Talking to someone individually terrifies me.

 

[Joha_U2]

I'm shy and quiet too.. I don't really like parties because of the noise and all the people around me. lol. it just scares me, i don't know why. I don't talk a lot either.. I avoid the phone all the time

 

[Mr. BAW]

I get like that sometimes. I always feel weird talking to a lot of people, and at work I always feel like the biggest dork when people talk to me.

Unless you know me well, you'd probably think I was the most stuck up person in the world, but truth is, I'm just a bit shy.

No adoptee of mine can be stuck-up....!!!

 

[nbcrusader]

Its the auspergers. I generally have the same problem.

You can increase your comfort level by teaching - you talk with people about stuff you know.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

No adoptee of mine can be stuck-up....!!!

But I'm NOT! Just ask your wife!

 

[agentmissa]

I'm the same say. I'm starting to get out of that "habbit" by going out more and forcing myself to interact. It's actually helping. I'm starting to not care so much about what others may or may not think.

 

[arw]

Unless you know me well, you'd probably think I was the most stuck up person in the world, but truth is, I'm just a bit shy.

I get that a lot too. I'm pretty quiet on the first meeting of someone new. Most of the time they think I'm too good to talk to them but the truth is I'm generally too afraid to say anything. I'm starting my new job tomorrow and that's my biggest fear. I'm not afraid of having to learn everything, I'm just afraid I'll have to meet a ton of people and I won't be able to talk to them

 

[beli]

First day at work - bring cake. Thatll break the ice and give you something to fuss over

 

[TheBrazilianFly]

Man, I can relate to what everybody says. I'm very shy and introverted around people I don't know. And I do not work well in big groups at all. I much rather talk to someone individually and I hate people looking at me. That's why I don't leave class much in collage, I don't like being in a place full of people, with everybody passing by me and talking and looking. I never know when someone is talking about me so I'm always wondering if people are talking bad things about me. People can be mean but I'm aware of the fact that I'm a little paranoid. I think people may also think I'm stuck up because I don't say much. I'm a whole different person when I know you. I really try to be a more out going and social person when I'm on a group and just relax but I can't, it?s very difficult for me. My dad is not like that at all, everybody loves him, he's great in communication. He doesn?t give a shit about what others might think of him, he just does what he thinks is right. I hope I can be like that when I get older but I don't see it happening right now. This is really bad for me with the ladies, they are always looking but they never come to talk, why do I always have to go to them?

Another big problem that comes from being shy to me is that I sometimes become too dependent of my friends. Cause I never want to do this or that and they do it for me, this can?t go on forever I go to step up and do whatever I wanna do by myself, the problem is that it?s hard for me to get CLOSE friends so when I do maybe I suffocate them a little, I don?t like that but is just that it?s very normal for me to stay a long time with no REAL friends so I understand how good it is when I got myself those REAL friends. I'm working my way in trying to become a better person in that aspect of my personality.

 

[jkayet]

Yeah, I'm another shy person too. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but sometimes I'll get in situations where it'll come back full force. I also can appear very aloof or...well, like I just don't care, when in reality, I'm just too nervous or I don't want to appear a certain way...especially in social situations.
As for work-type situations, I found that forced interaction did eventually rid me of my shyness. After having to meet with people, call people, etc, constantly, I'm better at that. It does nothing to help my social situation nervousness, but at least it helped something. I really do think that it's possible for it to get better, even if it's torture trying.

 

[agentmissa]

even if it's torture trying.

You can say that again.

 

[Muggsy]

I don't know if we are in the same situation verte... but sometimes I feel that the only way I have to express out is with my art... I'm very shy too and the only way people know me is through the things I do... I have few friends and sometimes I feel that they will leave me if I don't do a good work... i'm always afraid of fail because that's the only thing i can do right...

 

[Kieran McConville]

Shyness... yes, join the goddamn club. My extrovert insane internet persona is a sham. In person I am the 'nothing man'.

Really, I'm barely there.

On the other hand I don't believe in fighting what cannot be changed. I have constructed a modest life where I can work without having to deal with too many people, and a cheery facade to present when I must. It's for the best.

 

[Kieran McConville]

After many years of thought I've come to the conclusion that shyness is basically about a deep-seated conviction that other people couldn't possibly share your interests/outlook on the world, and that you are in fact quite alone, and that you must not reveal this to anyone.

This is not necessarily a true thing, but it's true often enough to keep a lot of shy people firmly in their place. As a shy person, I have resented this.

And of course it's so true that shy people don't always 'act shy'. Some seem stuck-up (me, quite often), and some seem to have a very forceful, intense manner in one-on-one dealings (also me, at times). It's all a way of crashing through.

 

[TheBrazilianFly]

After many years of thought I've come to the conclusion that shyness is basically about a deep-seated conviction that other people couldn't possibly share your interests/outlook on the world, and that you are in fact quite alone, and that you must not reveal this to anyone.

This is not necessarily a true thing, but it's true often enough to keep a lot of shy people firmly in their place. As a shy person, I have resented this.

And of course it's so true that shy people don't always 'act shy'. Some seem stuck-up (me, quite often), and some seem to have a very forceful, intense manner in one-on-one dealings (also me, at times). It's all a way of crashing through.

Oh my God I agre 100% with everything that you said. Very true.

 

[verte76]

I don't know if we are in the same situation verte... but sometimes I feel that the only way I have to express out is with my art... I'm very shy too and the only way people know me is through the things I do... I have few friends and sometimes I feel that they will leave me if I don't do a good work... i'm always afraid of fail because that's the only thing i can do right...

I know the feeling. Sometimes I feel like art is the only thing I do worth a damn. It's the one thing I'm not going to screw up on. It seems like everything else I try I totally flub.

 

[U2DeathBear]

I too am shy...sometimes to the point of excrutiating pain and embarrasment. With strangers, i'm actually alright and I can carry a decent conversation, and i've been known to be a social butterfly who can run her mouth off. But when it comes to sensitive and private things, and with people that i know well...i suddenly have diarrhea of the mouth, my mind short circuits, and i laugh when it gets uncomfortable. This is a constant struggle with me to overcome this, especially in my current relationship. I get so afraid of saying the wrong things. I tell myself, who cares just do it and have some balls...but that is so easy to say and hard to do....

well, you're not the only one...

 

[BostonAnne]

I also hate phones and group dealings. I never thought of it as shy until recently. I had the opportunity to meet up with some U2 fans in the Boston area ended up being too shy to introduce myself to the group.

It's nice to hear that others feel the exact same way as I do.

 

[Tomer]

I got the same thing

 

[maro_chik]

I'm also incredibly shy. I just started my first job on Thursday and was terrified of meeting new people. Luckily, my best friend works there too, and everyone is unbelievably nice to me, that I now love my job, despite having to interact with customers.

I've been trying to figure out why I'm so shy, and I'm thinking it's probably because I'm afraid people will judge me. When I first meet someone, all I really say is 'hi'. And I've found myself doing this recently: Talking to everyone else but the new person to show that I am indeed talkative. But then I worry to myself, thinking that I'm coming off as obnoxious and rude.

Or I'll meet someone when I've been tipsy and they think I'm always outgoing and crazy-nutso, and then the next time we meet I crawl inside my shell.

Ah, and never having been in a relationship... *sigh*

It's tough for us shy folk.

 

[BVS]

Verte if your real life persona is anything like the one here then you are one of the nicest people I've ever "met". By far one of the nicest poster here. If this is true, and I think it is, than just be yourself. People will like you, there isn't anything not to like. There's nothing to worry about, they're all people and have the same fears you have.