I'm so jealous of some of my friends

[Russty Cat]

I have friends who are single who have life so easy. They are doing what they want and traveling when they please. Generally having a grand old time.

I have an auto immune disease thats getting worse and is limiting what I can do. The last two weeks I only left the house to pick my daughter up from the school bus in the afternoon. I sleep alot and watch alot of tv with my kids. Yesterday was a fun new low for me. We went and bought me a cane that I have to use now to help me walk. We ran into some of our extended family when we were out and when they saw me limping along I could just see the sadness in there face. My SIL told me this morning in church that my nephews were very upset and said that I looked so bad. They want to know why the doctors don't make me feel better. Lately I look forward to at night when I can go to sleep, because I get to take heavy drugs that not only help with the pain, but allow me to sleep so I don't have to think of all this. Last night I dreamed that I was living with one of my best friends down in San Francisco. We shared an apartment and had fun working together and goofing off together.

I feel so bad being jealous of her and of other friends who don't even have a clue what its like to be 30 and feel like your falling apart and trapped in this shitty existence. I'm so lucky to have a husband and kids who understand. But sometimes I think it would be easier if I wasn't such a burden on them. I never got to live on my own or be a normal 20 something so I think thats alot of the reason I'm jealous. I just wish that I didn't feel so bad sometimes, cuz I'm lucky to have friends who love me.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I admire your courage living with your disease, you're courageous every day and that sure is something to be proud of. Maybe it would help to talk to someone about it, someone at a hospital or other health care facility who could help you with the issues you're dealing with. I have no right to tell you what to do, just a thought

I think you should give yourself more credit, you deserve it

 

[YBORCITY]

You sound like a very admirable and courageous person who has been dealt a very tough hand. I went through a very long and hard battle with a spouse who was ill for an extended period of time. Please don't think you over burdon anyone because EVERYONE goes through a period in thier lives that they need someone elses help. Don't feel bad about being jealous about your dreams and feelings of jealousy towards your friends because they don't have any idea the challenges you face daily. You sound very strong and I remember once being told that God would never burdon you with a heavier cross than what you can bear. I hope some of this makes sense to you and you can find some peace in your life. Would you consider maybe talking with some one professionally about this? There are so many resources out there that might make this battle of yours easier. I hope you feel better....

 

[Muggsy]

you are an admirable person

 

[BonosBaby12]

Must agree with everyone else and say that you are an admirable person You can't help the situation that you are in so please don't think of yourself as a burden. Sometimes we all need someone to lean on for help. Whenever you are having a rough time just keep remembering what great friends and family you have .

 

[wizard2c]

reply

You are a special person..never forget that.

 

[dazzledbylight]

ah, russty........

I've been roaring jealous at times........jealous back in late '90'swhen I was having trouble doing alot of walking {relative to my more usual pace & STAMINA} scared I was going to collapse. I was sending daggers at all the people who were walking by without seemingly no effort at all....

Other times when some people i knew who were so doing much better than me as I was 'going downhill' {at the time} I was Sooooo furious at them.

Then I'd feel guilty how envious/jelaous I was.

I'm sorry you didn't have regular 20's something etc...

I still sometimes feel that way {envy/jealousy}with comparisions to others} but way less most of the time.

I am blessed to have the long, and middle length time friends I have and my newers ones {like you, kiddo} too.

 

[Mr. BAW]

I'm so lucky to have a husband and kids who understand. I just wish that I didn't feel so bad sometimes, cuz I'm lucky to have friends who love me.

Those words speak volumes!! you are surrounded by family and friends who love you; PLUS you have a wonderful sounding board here at Interference...that's more than most people can ever say...continue taking your medication and feel better about yourself and its okay to have those dreams of splendor in San Francisco!!

"The Crush"

 

[VicksSs]

Well to start with I don't think I can be of much help here since I'm only 16 and I haven't lived any of this... but maybe an outsider's viewpoint can sometimes help

I really think you're so corageous and honest to say you are jealous in the first place. Most people would never admit this and then that jealousy tourn to envy and then to resentment... that's something only people with big hearts can do

Secondly, I don't know how your group of friends is and I'm not judging it, but I don't think there is something as stronger as your family. Your friends, they may be having a good time, but that later seem to be only memories and nothing else. Creating a family is cultivating love, making it grow stronger and bigger, and your family will always be with you. There is not a better accomplishment in this world I think as having such a nice family, and I guarantee there's lots out there who would kill to have what you do.

I really hope you can recover, by accepting and knowing what's going on you're already as strong as to overcome the issue, and hold on to all the people who love ou, especially your family: they'll always be there for you

 

[Russty Cat]

Thank you all for your kind words. They helped a ton. After all that has happened in the last few weeks I was feeling so down about it all I decided to go visit my family for a bit just as a reminder that I come from good stock who are there to back you up when you need it, but to also remind you that life is a good thing and someone always has it harder then you do. I had a nice week with them and feel a bit better about everything. I've realized that its okay to want what others have sometimes as long as you don't let it get out of control. And I think being away from my home for a few days made me realize how much I love my life and that everyone has to take the good with the bad.

I'm learning to rework my life to help me cope with my health issues better and learning to sometimes just say to heck with it all and sit on the couch and just not let it get to me for a bit.

going out to all of you. This board is a huge positive thing in my life and I'm so thankful for all the wonderful friends I have on here. You definetly make the bad days better and the good days fun. And I figure when I wear out the current husband I know where to come look for a new one. "The Crush"

 

[Carek1230]

Russty I had no idea what you were experiencing until you posted and my heart goes out to you, but I don't think I can add much more to what the others have said before me. You ARE lucky to have the life you do with a wonderful husband and family, support all around you and of course Interference to help through the difficult times. The grass always seems to be greener on the other side, sometimes we just have to try not to look at what's on "the other side", you know.....it's not fair to compare your relationship to that of others or your kids to the kids of other couples. My grandmother who just passed away taught me something very wise. She said "Every day you wake up is a good day" and I live by that now. It is so true. Carpe diem! Sieze each day as it is a gift and make the very most of it. And know that not all days will be the same so we just have to be survivors and go with the flow. I hope that doctors can help bring relief to your pain and discomfort with medications, support items such as a cane, therapy or whatever it takes. You've shown incredible courage though just reaching out to talk about your situation. Keep believing in yourself and taking life one day at a time. And take it from someone who has experienced the ups and downs and in-betweens. If you are having a day where lying on the couch watching TV with the kids while watching the dust land all around you then I say go ahead and do it. You never know...the very next day may find you fully energized! Good luck to you!

 

[VicksSs]

It's so good you're doing better Russty Cat!! It's just a moment, thsi time will pass, always remember that!!! And yeah, this forum rocks!! returned to you!!!