I'm in love, but only a few people know.

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thrillme

Refugee
Joined
Dec 15, 2001
Messages
1,947
Location
<---over that'a way
I know I know, I've heard all the n"ays" about relationships that start off online, but I'm not much club person, kinda a homebody anyway, so going out to find a date in a more traditional way, it just wasn't meant to happen for me that way I guess.

I'm in a long distance relationship but a lot people don't seem to take those seriously. I've gone to see this guy 3 times, but it's like because I'm not in a constant, physical relationship, some make it feel like it's not real.

My mom, she supports me, but she's not in a position to tell me not to follow my heart because she did that herself. She asks how can I really know this guy, aside from the emailing, chatting, phone calls for 3 1/2 years. The 3 times I've gone to see him.

Well how can I know a person?

There was this other guy I liked, for 8 years in school. I thought I knew him, 8 years I had talked to him, hung out with him, met his parents, his brother. He went into the military, kinda lost touch but we talked on the phone every once in while. He called me up about 3 months ago, small talk, at first, but then tells me he's gay.

8 years, I thought I knew this guy, and I DID hang out with him personally, real life ye know. So honestly, I don't know anyone other than what they tell me, or what I see. I'm in a sort of secret relationship, I'm kinda vague about it if someone asks if I have a boyfriend. I always say yes, I do, but don't really mention the long distance part or much else.

I did tell my manager, she's a couple years older than me, but she was understanding because the guy she is dating, they started off being in a long distance relationship. She's the only one I've told about the long distance part, aside from my mother and sister.

The guy I'm in love with now, going on 3 1/2 years.

My sister is cool with it but I don't feel she takes it seriously. My brothers don't really know, but they're 18 and 19 live with their dad so I don't really see them as much anymore.

No one else knows I'm in love with someone. I just want to up and move away to be with this guy. The rest of my family will be very angry with me if I do go.

I just feel guilty, I wouldn't be abandoning my family, I'd be moving on and living my own life. It's not like I'd never see anyone, or not come back to visit.
 
It sucks, doesn't it?

I was/am/am not in a similar position..........


When you give your heart to someone it is so strange, and difficult...........

Part of me will advocate that you do go and see him. Why not? You've got one life to life, ruffle feathers and make actions. Don't be passive, make some decisions, make some things happen.

THe other parts says..... can you really fall in love online?
Iknow I did

But....... can you really know if someone else did?
THat's that hard part.


I don't really know.
But I would n ever look down on you for doing something in the seach for a love.

Some risks are worth taking.
And others are not.

I want something I can't have right now, so..... I don't know how much I shoud say. Becuase really....... I don't know how much I want it. But I don't know how much I want it because I've never been "with" it.

So it's a horrible position to be in



=========


what does your long distance love think about you?
That is imporatnt.......

What do you know about him?


=======

ultimately, only time (spend together) will tell if you are meant to be together. ANd how much you guys want to make this work. And who you two really are......

So many things.....
 
3 years and a half is a long time...
And the fact you just meet him makes me think it's a very long distance.
But, someway, you've managed to keep this relation alive.

You say " I just want to up and move away to be with this guy. The rest of my family will be very angry with me if I do go"

What does he think about this possibility?
Has he ever asked you to do so?

You are afraid of hurting your family...
Yes, that could be true.
But you won't live with them for the rest of your life.
And I'm pretty sure every family could accept -- or at least respect -- such a radical decision if they knew their son/daugther are really happy were they are.
 
lady luck said:
3 years and a half is a long time...
And the fact you just meet him makes me think it's a very long distance.
But, someway, you've managed to keep this relation alive.

You say " I just want to up and move away to be with this guy. The rest of my family will be very angry with me if I do go"

What does he think about this possibility?
Has he ever asked you to do so?

You are afraid of hurting your family...
Yes, that could be true.
But you won't live with them for the rest of your life.
And I'm pretty sure every family could accept -- or at least respect -- such a radical decision if they knew their son/daugther are really happy were they are.

Actually he brought up the M word.

I work a pretty steady 40 hours a week job in retail, so it's very difficult for me to request time off, I'm only allowed so many days off, in fact I only get 5 paid vacation days each year. He also works a lot, so it's just kinda tricky for us to meet, but we're in pretty constant contact via phone, email, and instant messenger.
 
thrillme said:


Actually he brought up the M word.


Sorry, my mind is sooooo slow... what is the M word???

And, anyway, how did you react when he told you so?
 
Sorry, my mind is sooooo slow... what is the M word???

And, anyway, how did you react when he told you so?

Marriage=m word.

He asked if any guys were begging for my hand in marriage, I said no, he said they're fools for not asking, then he said, "I'll marry you."

How'd I react? I didn't cry, but was close to, out of happiness.

Probably not quite ready, but the possibility is there.
 
argh, I press on "submit" before ending the post...


Go there, or ask him to come to you for staying

I know it's hard -- there could be tons of difficulties of all kinds (job, family...)

But it's a no sense going on in a "part-time" relation!
 
I can understand the situation that you are in Thrillme. Like you I met and fell in love with someone online. We met on aol back in 1998 through mutual friends in a chatroom. Wasn't untill the beginning of 2001 that we finally became a couple. By that time we had been the very best of friends for a few years. However,I was met with a couple of skeptics in my family. Mainly one of my older brothers who is a cop. We all know how they can be! lol. They just couldn't fathom meeting someone online and having a relationship together. It is VERY possible though you get to know that person for who they really are as long as they are being honest.

My guy and I finally met in person May 2001 a few days before my 22nd birthday. He flew to the East Coast to see me,he lives in Chicago,and it was great. Distance proved to be too much for him at the time though so for about 2 years we were broken up. Still remained best friends despite that things had changed. I went there that following August and visited him. In 2003 we became a couple again when he admitted he was still in love with me :). Each year we see each other at least twice when he takes his vacations. In fact he took me to my first ever U2 concerts this year,hehe. Plus he has been to Delaware to meet my family a couple of times. They love him and see that he really is a sweet stable guy who loves me.

We are now in the process of me getting ready to move to Chicago to be with him. We discussed in length who would move. Do I still encounter skeptics who believe it's not really love? Yes I do quite often but I don't care what they say. I know Im happy and that I have the support of my family and many friends. If you feel this is the real thing and that you both want this to end in marriage. Than you should make the move to be with your guy. Know it won't be easy to leave your family but this is your life.

I don't want to leave my family behind but they know Im making the right decision. Follow your heart but use your head :). By the way may I ask how old you and your guy are? Im 26 now and my guy just turned 32. Good luck I hope you are always happily in love! Sorry for this loooooooong post everyone! lol.
 
BonosBaby12 said:
I can understand the situation that you are in Thrillme. Like you I met and fell in love with someone online. We met on aol back in 1998 through mutual friends in a chatroom. Wasn't untill the beginning of 2001 that we finally became a couple. By that time we had been the very best of friends for a few years. However,I was met with a couple of skeptics in my family. Mainly one of my older brothers who is a cop. We all know how they can be! lol. They just couldn't fathom meeting someone online and having a relationship together. It is VERY possible though you get to know that person for who they really are as long as they are being honest.

My guy and I finally met in person May 2001 a few days before my 22nd birthday. He flew to the East Coast to see me,he lives in Chicago,and it was great. Distance proved to be too much for him at the time though so for about 2 years we were broken up. Still remained best friends despite that things had changed. I went there that following August and visited him. In 2003 we became a couple again when he admitted he was still in love with me :). Each year we see each other at least twice when he takes his vacations. In fact he took me to my first ever U2 concerts this year,hehe. Plus he has been to Delaware to meet my family a couple of times. They love him and see that he really is a sweet stable guy who loves me.

We are now in the process of me getting ready to move to Chicago to be with him. We discussed in length who would move. Do I still encounter skeptics who believe it's not really love? Yes I do quite often but I don't care what they say. I know Im happy and that I have the support of my family and many friends. If you feel this is the real thing and that you both want this to end in marriage. Than you should make the move to be with your guy. Know it won't be easy to leave your family but this is your life.

I don't want to leave my family behind but they know Im making the right decision. Follow your heart but use your head :). By the way may I ask how old you and your guy are? Im 26 now and my guy just turned 32. Good luck I hope you are always happily in love! Sorry for this loooooooong post everyone! lol.

Thanks for your advice.

I'm 23, he's 25. I know, very young to be considering marriage.
 
thrillme said:


Thanks for your advice.

I'm 23, he's 25. I know, very young to be considering marriage.

You are welcome and nah it's not too young. Now if you were 18 than maybe I would say that it's too young,lol,jk. It's each person's own decision with what to do. If you guys feel that you are ready to take the step of marriage than do it! Clear how in love you are :).
 
First of all: thanks a lot for your post, bonosbaby12!

You are the demonstration that things like that really happen.
It's a sort of ignition of optimism for all the people that are in long distance relations.

I can relate to your situation, thrillme.

I didn't fall in love on-line -- actually I don't think I've ever been in love in my life...
I'm in an odd situation now because this summer I met a boy I really liked. I spent a short time with him,

but... well, I feel he's special for me, but he is very far -- there's the Atlantic ocean and more than 10 hours

flight between us...

He told me we are going to meet and I really hope we will.

Some of my friends are skeptic -- they keep on telling me not to hope for too much and that he just said what

I wanted to hear and that I'm ingenuous and so on.

But we're not talking about me in this thread...

I hope you will find what you really want, thrill me, and get the opportunity and the courage to get it.
 
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