I'm In Big Trouble (Or Not), Part III

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I don't think there needs to be any explanation for this thread.

I figure rather than clutter up the rest of the board with my bullshit, I could start a new thread to vent. Obviously this one won't reach 500, but whatever.

Yay, woe is me.

 

[Miroslava]

Well at least you made it to work, so you followed half of my orders... erm, I mean suggestions....

I am sure you are looking fabulous, so not an issue.

Now, time to switch to ice pwincess mode at least for the day. Nothing can bother you. If it helps, walk by with a devilish smirk, and sing along in your head... You know the song

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I heard him coming down the hall so I made sure to turn my back. I was untangling my iPod headphones and acted oblivious to his walking by.

What a complete jerk.

 

[lucky charms]

at this rate, by Monday you will be wondering what the hell you ever saw in him when he walks by.

He'll be like Hey remember me

and you will look right through him and say

ummmm no not really, do I know you? Oh do you work here or something? What was your name again? Oh you'll have to excuse me I just remembered, I have to empty my trash can.

 

[Miroslava]

You know my friend you met on Friday? Yeah, hmm he knows people if we ever need to teach anyone a lesson...

All I have to do is ask...

 

[YellowKite]

Wow. Complete other side of emotion switch since last we looked. I have gone back and read the last bit of Part II and my question for you to consider is what if he comes to you and says 'I am sorry I blew you off. The holidays/health/etc are just really hard right now. I would like to take you to lunch.' Are you really that over him? Do you want to be?

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Wow. Complete other side of emotion switch since last we looked. I have gone back and read the last bit of Part II and my question for you to consider is what if he comes to you and says 'I am sorry I blew you off. The holidays/health/etc are just really hard right now. I would like to take you to lunch.' Are you really that over him? Do you want to be?

I act like I can turn it right off, but those who really know me know it's just a defense mechanism. I have a friend here who just came up because she wanted to show me her friend's proposal pictures and I told her I was swearing off all men and she said, "Don't be sad, I know lots of guys I could fix you up with!" I can't very well tell her the one I do want works mere feet away from us!

If he did that, Yellow Kite, which I honestly doubt, I would consider it. There's always room for redemtion in my book. If he apologizes for his behavior and approaches me about his, "Maybe next week" thing, fine. If it was a misunderstanding on my part, fine, I can get over it. But his behavior was too fishy over the past week...

My friend has a theory now that with the age thing he didn't want to lead me on, so thus the sudden shift. And right now I am loving the "there's nothing wrong with you"... Obviously that was just a line of sorts since he really didn't mean it.

 

[lucky charms]

do you ever get the feeling that no matter what this guy says/doesnt say/does/doesnt, the girls club would have it analyzed, theorized and explained in 500 word or less, the day before. They have an answer for everything..how do they do that?



always remember humour girl, its gets you by

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I just saw him walking with the little blonde file clerk (married, of course) and they were just laughing and having the time of their lives.

What a jackass. I can't even see straight right now. What in hell did I ever do to him?

I wish I could laugh right now, Lisa, but I can't. I just would love to know why I continually get dumped on by the guys I like.

 

[Miroslava]

His loss babe, his damn loss...

At least that's what I usually tell myself and it kinda sort of works... I mean, I am as single as single can be, but pretty happy otherwise (recent happenings not included, and even those, meh!)

 

[beegee]

 

[lucky charms]

the thing is you didnt do anything to him. Nothing at all. You were trying to be a friend to him, and you got yourself attached to him.

We dont always choose the right things, the right friends, the right lovers, hell the right food. Sometimes you make a choice, and then it leaves a very bad taste in your mouth.

But you have to remember. Not everybody will accept and reciprocate your advances, your friendships, your hellos, your goodbyes or your dinners.

And while you think he is doing something to "you", I think you are doing more to yourself then he ever could. You beat yourself up for keeping quiet, you beat yourself up for saying something, you beat yourself up for not being more forward, and when you are done beating yourself up, you'll do it all again when you fall for something he may say or do in the future and it all starts again.

So where do you go from here? Anyone and everyone has had an experience just you are having believe me, some more than others, and I know I can tell you, that at the end of the day, the realizing that you didnt do anything wrong is most important. Does he lack the common decency people skills that one should have at his age - ABSOLUTELY.

But, having said that, everyone does things their own way, some ways are shittier than others for sure, but not everyone is an equal, a twin, a mirror image. It would be nice if everyone treated everyone good and proper but that never happens.

Just remember to hold that head up high, look straight ahead, look at yourself in the mirror and say "that a girl" and then go raise some hell. Give everyone the best you got.

You never know - once the flirts go away, he may sit and take notice, wondering to himself something is different about her, and if and when that time comes, you need to say to yourself, did he have his chance or didnt he...and go forward.


always smiling of course

gawd Im such a mawm...

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

His loss babe, his damn loss...

At least that's what I usually tell myself and it kinda sort of works... I mean, I am as single as single can be, but pretty happy otherwise (recent happenings not included, and even those, meh!)

They all just suck.

I'm starting to think that line from Sex and the City is true...

"Let's just be each other's soul mates, and guys can be these guys we have fun with occasionally."



I am generally happy, except when I fall like a fool for some poor unfortunate soul and it turns out like this after I've invested so much of my time and my energy.

 

[Sweet Tart]

They all just suck.

I'm starting to think that line from Sex and the City is true...

"Let's just be each other's soul mates, and guys can be these guys we have fun with occasionally."



I am generally happy, except when I fall like a fool for some poor unfortunate soul and it turns out like this after I've invested so much of my time and my energy.

i know...it hurts to invest all this time and energy in someone and not to have anything come out of it. it's frustrating and disheartning. i wish i could tell you something to make you feel better but i can't. just keep your head up and don't let it get you down too much. i know it's a lot easier to say than actually do but try your best ok.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I feel like an idiot now, looking back on all of our talks and flirts and wondering now why did he even bother getting so close? I mean, seriously.

I think I'm finished with men. They're not worth the heartbreak.

 

[BluRmGrl]

Hell hath no fury, huh? Too bad this lug probably won't have the first clue what the fury is about!!!

Remember though, whatever happens - you hook up finally, you don't, whatever! - it has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with your worth. That is an uncalculably high rating and too bad, so sad for anyone who throws away the chance to be with you.

 

[lucky charms]

no you're not.

you will be fine

you will conquer again

you will be back

to your old self again in no time

we always say this when we are let down by something we thought wouldn't

we've all been there, and we all know, even if you dont, that you will get through it and be fine.

 

[HelloAngel]

I feel like an idiot now, looking back on all of our talks and flirts and wondering now why did he even bother getting so close? I mean, seriously.

I think I'm finished with men. They're not worth the heartbreak.

April, I'm going to be really honest here.

Just because two co-workers share great talks and occasionally flirt in an innocuous way doesn't mean they are "getting close." It just means that they are carrying on an office friendship. This is a classic problem with men and women in the office. Some people can handle the inter-gender friendships, some people cannot and develop feelings because they are confused about the closeness.

That some older man at your job is acting standoffish to you is no reason to give up men in general. Dating at the office and very outside your age range is not the formula for a surefire relationship.

What I would suggest is to chalk this one up to being an office thing and possibly an age thing on many levels. You are young, you very much want a relationship again, but it's very possible that this particular circumstance could not happen for a variety of reasons - most of all, the co-worker thing and the age thing. It's not personal against you as a human. This is just a circumstantial thing. Which is not to say that you shouldn't feel how you feel, but the degree to which you feel scorned should probably be put into perspective. It's almost like being a graduate college student, developing a friendship with a friendly professor who you work close with, and then becoming absolutely emotional when things don't plan out romantically. The adult workplace, especially in a close-quartered office is not meant to get romantic. Interaction is meant to be friendly to easily pass from day to day and year to year. When lines get crossed, things really don't always pan out in a pleasing manner.

What you should do is dust off your boots and stand up straight and smile that beautiful smile of yours. If you act weird around him and he picks up on that, then he will know that something awkward is going on with you, and that will make things worse for you. If you go back to normal interaction with him, things will go back to normal sooner than you think. It's also a possibility that one of your co-workers stabbed you in the back, too and told him of your feelings since you talk about them openly.

 

[Doozer61]

I think I'm finished with men.

 

[Irvine511]

April, I'm going to be really honest here.

Just because two co-workers share great talks and occasionally flirt in an innocuous way doesn't mean they are "getting close." It just means that they are carrying on an office friendship. This is a classic problem with men and women in the office. Some people can handle the inter-gender friendships, some people cannot and develop feelings because they are confused about the closeness.

That some older man at your job is acting standoffish to you is no reason to give up men in general. Dating at the office and very outside your age range is not the formula for a surefire relationship.

What I would suggest is to chalk this one up to being an office thing and possibly an age thing on many levels. You are young, you very much want a relationship again, but it's very possible that this particular circumstance could not happen for a variety of reasons - most of all, the co-worker thing and the age thing. It's not personal against you as a human. This is just a circumstantial thing. Which is not to say that you shouldn't feel how you feel, but the degree to which you feel scorned should probably be put into perspective. It's almost like being a graduate college student, developing a friendship with a friendly professor who you work close with, and then becoming absolutely emotional when things don't plan out romantically. The adult workplace, especially in a close-quartered office is not meant to get romantic. Interaction is meant to be friendly to easily pass from day to day and year to year. When lines get crossed, things really don't always pan out in a pleasing manner.

What you should do is dust off your boots and stand up straight and smile that beautiful smile of yours. If you act weird around him and he picks up on that, then he will know that something awkward is going on with you, and that will make things worse for you. If you go back to normal interaction with him, things will go back to normal sooner than you think. It's also a possibility that one of your co-workers stabbed you in the back, too and told him of your feelings since you talk about them openly.

very well said.

April: take some time. get pissed. throw darts at pictures of him. listen to "little black backpack" over and over. yell. run 5 miles while listening to COBL. take the lyrics to OOTS to heart.

but still go out to lunch with him, if he still wants to. and as you're sitting there, enumerate his flaws, one-by-one.

and besides, older men can have ... let's say difficulty "rising" to the occasion, on occasion. (been there, didn't do that ... because *he* couldn't)



and then move on.

 

[RedRocksU2]

You know my friend you met on Friday? Yeah, hmm he knows people if we ever need to teach anyone a lesson...

All I have to do is ask...

....and that's why I keep miroslava as one of my dearest friends....


...btw, HelloAngel is also right on the money....specially about that beautiful smile of yours.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

April, I'm going to be really honest here.

Just because two co-workers share great talks and occasionally flirt in an innocuous way doesn't mean they are "getting close." It just means that they are carrying on an office friendship. This is a classic problem with men and women in the office. Some people can handle the inter-gender friendships, some people cannot and develop feelings because they are confused about the closeness.

That some older man at your job is acting standoffish to you is no reason to give up men in general. Dating at the office and very outside your age range is not the formula for a surefire relationship.

What I would suggest is to chalk this one up to being an office thing and possibly an age thing on many levels. You are young, you very much want a relationship again, but it's very possible that this particular circumstance could not happen for a variety of reasons - most of all, the co-worker thing and the age thing. It's not personal against you as a human. This is just a circumstantial thing. Which is not to say that you shouldn't feel how you feel, but the degree to which you feel scorned should probably be put into perspective. It's almost like being a graduate college student, developing a friendship with a friendly professor who you work close with, and then becoming absolutely emotional when things don't plan out romantically. The adult workplace, especially in a close-quartered office is not meant to get romantic. Interaction is meant to be friendly to easily pass from day to day and year to year. When lines get crossed, things really don't always pan out in a pleasing manner.

What you should do is dust off your boots and stand up straight and smile that beautiful smile of yours. If you act weird around him and he picks up on that, then he will know that something awkward is going on with you, and that will make things worse for you. If you go back to normal interaction with him, things will go back to normal sooner than you think. It's also a possibility that one of your co-workers stabbed you in the back, too and told him of your feelings since you talk about them openly.

I crossed a line when I asked him to lunch as friends? He never crossed a line, oh no... Not when he made all those comments, or when he was clearly flirting with me beyond how he talked to other co-workers. It's quite easy to see how I could have misconstewed that, sure, but his behavior isn't completely innocent in all of this.

I'm not a woman scorned; I'm dissapointed. It just seems like I am always the one getting burned, so this is why I don't even bother a lot of the times with falling for anyone in the first place. And they aren't exactly knocking down my door, but I usually see what comes my way and gives them the "don't mess with me" look. Like he and I spoke about before, I like those "classic rocker guys" he so wanted to make himself out to be, and I stupidly fell for.

I feel like a foolish little girl right about now, that's all. I'm sure I'll get over it and fall for some other unattainable man in the new year.

 

[HelloAngel]

I crossed a line when I asked him to lunch as friends? He never crossed a line, oh no... Not when he made all those comments, or when he was clearly flirting with me beyond how he talked to other co-workers. It's quite easy to see how I could have misconstewed that, sure, but his behavior isn't completely innocent in all of this.

I never said you crossed a line. I'm just saying that when office friendships cross a line into the romantic, things don't go well all the time. Asking a friend/co-worker to lunch is most definitely fine to do, as are silly flirtations and great talks about music, etc.

Office friends flirt with each other. That's the nature of working in an office. It's how one internalizes it that becomes the issue. Harmless flirting is no big deal. Hurting feelings is. Not all people flirt the same with everyone, just like some people don't joke the same with the rest of one's co-workers. Listen, we all have had these issues, myself trapped more in them than I care to enumerate, and most of those centering around very cute bosses that I have had in the past when I was in my late teens and early 20s. I developed feelings for them because I really wanted a relationship, and they just saw me as a younger, cute co-worker that they enjoyed kidding around with and talking to. Of course, I'm leaving alot out here. I just didn't know how to categorize the friendship in my head. I got confused by the dynamic.

I'm just being honest here, and you're right, his behavior isn't completely innocent, most of all his actions and attitude this week. But to say that his friendship with you and flirty comments weren't innocent just because you developed feelings for him doesn't make him a jerk. How he seems to be acting now does put a big "?" over his head, yes. But it might be that he is backing off because someone spoke to him about you, or he is less oblivious to emotional undertones than previously thought.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I'm just being honest here, and you're right, his behavior isn't completely innocent, most of all his actions and attitude this week. But to say that his friendship with you and flirty comments weren't innocent just because you developed feelings for him doesn't make him a jerk. How he seems to be acting now does put a big "?" over his head, yes. But it might be that he is backing off because someone spoke to him about you, or he is less oblivious to emotional undertones than previously thought.

Good points, Carrie. I never meant to come off as defensive, I'm just a bit raw at the moment. I think it's because, more than the romantic implications I had in my head these past two months, the fact he would turn like this (or so it seems; again, he could be completely oblivious) is what confuses me.

 

[lucky charms]

sometimes the best things to do in situations like these, and I have been there so I can sort of speak from experience.

I was sort of the person of the receiving end of the same type of thing when I was working at a place on contract. And I would never say this person was hung up on me, or interested romantically in me - because I, like you, never spoke to him about it.

There were what you would call obvious signs. But at the same time, while I can say they were obvious now, I wouldnt have said the same thing back then. Because my mindset was not in the frame of mind where I was noticing this person paying attention, bringing me a coffee in the morning, always coming by my desk, making sure I saw the smile he sent in my direction. He would interject in conversation almost invite me to his place to listen to a new piece of equipment he just setup, or some older type music that he just got a hold of(we both were interested in the same new wave type stuff) My mind was on my own life around me. I had things going on in my head that I never talked to him about. I just left a marriage of many years, I had 2 kids to deal with, I had time to coordinate, I had to find a place to stay, I had to arrange for all these things...was it my fault that I didnt notice and identify exactly what he was doing at that time.

Who knows, all I know is whatever I did or didnt do was not premeditated, or contrived, it was not with any malice or forethought. It just was what it was you know?

And then he stopped coming around and bringing me coffee. He still smiled but not as much as he did previously. Did I do something wrong? I mean I did notice the change, and sort of thought to myself, that something had changed?

And things became a little uncomfortable. When you have to work in the same space together, you certainly dont want to feel awkward or uncomfortable around people. That is when office gossip starts and makes things hard to handle.

So all I can say is, even though I know it is impossible to do, try not to read too much into anything that may or may not be going on. The best medicine is really no medicine at all. You are better off, offering him some xmas peeps, shaking his hand/touching his shoulder or whatever you feel comfortable doing, offering christmas cheer and carry on as you always have in the office. Sometimes you are just better off not thinking or analyzing things that you are so very unsure about. Things always have a way of becoming clear when left alone to sort out.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

And he did have a LOT just starting to go on just around the same time my feeling started to develop.

So all I can say is, even though I know it is impossible to do, try not to read too much into anything that may or may not be going on. The best medicine is really no medicine at all. You are better off, offering him some xmas peeps, shaking his hand/touching his shoulder or whatever you feel comfortable doing, offering christmas cheer and carry on as you always have in the office. Sometimes you are just better off not thinking or analyzing things that you are so very unsure about. Things always have a way of becoming clear when left alone to sort out.

Well, I think I'm starting to see that now... Especially since he came in when I was talking to my friend just now and he was looking directly at me and smiling when he said, "Hi guys."

Who knows, it's like that thing. If you let it go and it never comes back, it wasn't meant to be yours in the first place. If you let it go and it comes back to you, then go nuts!

(No one can say I can't retain my sense of humor at times like these...)

 

[lucky charms]

laughter is always the best medicine

always keep your sense of humour and smile each and every day, it does wonders but I think you already know that

 

[HelloAngel]

There you go, babe.

Just act normal, say cherry hello's, wish him a good weekend on Fridays. All very breezy and cheerful. Keep it copacetic. Smile that beautiful smile.

He could have a million things going on in his head right now. He might not realize that he said yes to lunch, or that he forgot to say hello to you when near you in the copy room. Try not to read too much into it. I'm sure it's fine, and the sooner you can dust yourself off and smile and go back to normal, the better you will feel.

 

[Irvine511]

copacetic

great word

and great advice as always.

 

[public]

It's also a possibility that one of your co-workers stabbed you in the back, too and told him of your feelings since you talk about them openly.

I think I recall you saying all the other women in your office are either married, attached, or older. It is VERY possible they are jealous of you and didn't want his attention directed to the young, cute, unattached female in the office. It is VERY possible one of them said something to him to sabotage your plan.

I'd suggest not mentioning him or your feelings to ANYONE in your office. They might seem like they really care about you, want you two to get together, etc....but you just never can tell.

I say proceed with from now on!