I'm In Big Trouble (Or Not), Part III

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Re: I keep repeating myself here.

martha said:


Instead, he's avoiding you, and being stupid. Even though men over 40 are exceptionally hot at times, age doesn't always bring maturity. You have a reason to feel bad about the way he's behaving (and so does he), and I still say it's better to find this out now, rather than after a few dates.


I totally agree. I had this guy asking me out for months, and after i finally agreed, he never calls. What am i suppose to think?
Every weekend he was pushing me and pushing me, and in the end he told me: Now when we finally met, we can go out more relaxed. Now:nothing!lNo calls, no invitations!Luckily i dont fancy that guy :tongue: :cool:
So maybe is the good thing you didnt get more involved....
 
u2bonogirl said:
Im just going to throw this out there and you can take it or leave it.
Instead of developing self doubt, and beating yourself up over being "rejected" or whatnot try and look at it this way:
Being good for one another isnt a matter of being "good enough" for the other person, its just a matter of fitting right. Dont look at it as rejction, or another failed attempt. Try to look at it as having eliminated another person from the list as a possible match for you :wink:

Alright, that is so true, but you knoiw, rejection is the cruel thing no matter what....:no:
 
April -- i think he was putting himself out there, in this specific way -- he was saying, "yes, i know you're interested in me, and i find you appealing, but from experience, i know that this probably isn't a good idea. it might be fun, and the sex might be fun (if it were to go that far), but at the end of the day i am 45 years old and am in a very different place in life than you and there are things in my life that i have to deal with, priorities i have, expectations i have, and responsibilities i must meet due to my age and while you are probably mature for your age you simply haven't had the same amount of life experience that i have had and i hope you don't have to deal with these things before you're my age so as much fun as i think it would be i don't think it's a good time or place for anything other than a sexual relationship, and a relationship that is just sex isn't something i'm really interested in, right now, especially if we are working together where rumors can start and make everyone miserable and i'm not sure that you can handle a sex-only relationship due to your age."

so i just put a whole bunch of words in his mouth, but that's what it sounds like to me.

go have lunch. and be his friend. and that's it for now.
 
April, maybe this might help you, maybe not...

When I was 18, I worked with a 42 year old. I had the hots for him, etc. etc. I didn't give a crap what other people thought if they saw me with him. But he did. He worried about the age difference, what people might say, whether it was a good idea that we were getting involved, etc. I became his friend and something more happened. We were involved for on and off for 4 years and we were friends for 10.

Let's just say you guys get involved. What if he never wants to get married? What if the age difference gets to be too much for the both of you? There are so many questions you need to ask yourself. Yes older guys are hot but sometimes they just like being by themselves and rather not be committed. Some of them. ;)

The guy I was with for about 4 years didn't want to get married. I was tired of waiting about for him. It really wasn't working because after while the age difference became too much for us.

Once I told him I had a new boyfriend he stopped talking to me. He still wanted to be with me but I just didn't feel the same. It's sad but it would have been better if we hadn't gotten involved. Too much time and energy went into it and in the end the relationship just dissolved. That seems harsh...yikes.

:ohmy: I'm sorry for such a long post. Think about it April. With the way he was talking he seemed like he's not up for a relationship.

Ok, you can tell me to go to hell or whatever... :lol: :reject:
 
Irvine511 said:
April -- i think he was putting himself out there, in this specific way -- he was saying, "yes, i know you're interested in me, and i find you appealing, but from experience, i know that this probably isn't a good idea."

so i just put a whole bunch of words in his mouth, but that's what it sounds like to me.

go have lunch. and be his friend. and that's it for now.

I think that nails it.

It is clear that.. if there was nothing between you two, he wouldn´t have said that. And being outspoken and all, well,.. that´s how we neatly put things into one sentence.

Like others have pointed out, i would be careful to mention sex at workplace, but to go to report someone for that (as some of the people in this thread said), wow, that´s bitchy. You´re watching sex and the city where stuff like that happens all the time.. would you really report something like that? I think it would be wise to do so only when you feel seriously offended, not when you´re in a kinda private, confidential talk, making fun etc.

All the "men :rolleyes: meeek" blah is without sense, sometimes we might use the wrong expressions, but try to understand us!

So while I´m not going to defend a 46-yr-old man, I think that Irvine said what this guy wanted to express. He has probably had a few younger girlfriends, and it´s just not the same for him, your lives are different, no matter what.

I´m just that understanding about what that guy said because that´s a mistake I could be making. Sometimes, you just say things, and you don´t mean to come off rude, but to make a certain point. Then you´re misunderstood.. you maybe wanted to .. I don´t know, hurt someone´s reputation or something! When all you meant to say was the truth packed in a harmless joke.
 
whenhiphopdrovethebigcars said:
Like others have pointed out, i would be careful to mention sex at workplace, but to go to report someone for that (as some of the people in this thread said), wow, that´s bitchy. You´re watching sex and the city where stuff like that happens all the time.. would you really report something like that? I think it would be wise to do so only when you feel seriously offended, not when you´re in a kinda private, confidential talk, making fun etc.



i agree with this too.

yes, it's probably best not to discuss sex at all at work, but if an informal group of people are talking about relationships, sex probably is going to be at least referenced. and while it might be the best politics to not even say the word, it does sound like he was talking about sex as a part of a relationship, and not as in a "guess what i did friday night, heh-heh" kind of way. i see no reason why adults can't have informal conversations that might include a discussion or at least mention of the topic of sex, from an abstracte, or at least impersonal standpoint.

for example, one of my colleagues and i were talking about upcoming Oscar movies. whenever you mention "brokeback mountain," the inevitable gay sex scene conversation comes up, as well as someone had mentioned that the upcoming "Munich" is very un-Spielbergian, one of the reasons why is that there is a good amount of semi-graphic sex in the movie.

all 100% appropriate.

now, if i said something like, "i want to watch heath ledger and jake gyllenhall have hot cowboy sex," that might be different.

anyway ... just musings ... i actually respect this guy a bit more now than i did last week.

again, though, i want pictures!
 
whenhiphopdrovethebigcars said:



Like others have pointed out, i would be careful to mention sex at workplace, but to go to report someone for that (as some of the people in this thread said), wow, that´s bitchy.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't report him for that and I've heard far worse.

But in this day and age, I think you have to be very aware of the fact that different people will react differently to comments which they view as inappropriate. For various reasons, right or wrong, and that is why, IMO, you really shouldn't bring sex into a topic of conversation unless you are very friendly with the coworker in question. When you're talking about it in a group of people, no matter how small, you have no way of knowing how it will be taken.

I worked in a place where a boss made a really inappropriate comment once (he was apparently tipsy after a lunch meeting), about "sausages" if you catch my drift. The woman he said it to thought he was an idiot, but didn't do anything about it. Two other women in the office that she told had every intention of reporting it themselves.

So yeah, it's 2005, and if you are smart and you value your job, you really need to be smart about what you can say, to whom you can say it and how you can say it. And even then, you have no idea who else will hear this from them and possibly react badly.
 
anitram said:

But in this day and age, I think you have to be very aware of the fact that different people will react differently to comments which they view as inappropriate.

Very true.

And uh... the sausage one is really :|
 
anitram said:


Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't report him for that and I've heard far worse.

But in this day and age, I think you have to be very aware of the fact that different people will react differently to comments which they view as inappropriate. For various reasons, right or wrong, and that is why, IMO, you really shouldn't bring sex into a topic of conversation unless you are very friendly with the coworker in question. When you're talking about it in a group of people, no matter how small, you have no way of knowing how it will be taken.

I
:up:
 
Ok, as for all this sex talk at work stuff, he and I have said stuff like that to each other for a long time and he knows I'm not offended by it so we're cool. In fact, I remember the first time he said something like that to me. The next day he came up and the first thing he did was come to my desk and started to apologize, and when I said, "Please, don't worry about it," he said, "Ok, just covering my ground here!" in a joking way and we were cool.

This morning I was dropping something off in the copy room and I saw his cute butt (he was digging in the supply cabinet for something) but proceeded to drop off my things without noticing him. Then I turned around and he was there, saying "good morning" with this huge smile. I smiled, said, "hello", then walked out.
 
LarryMullen's_POPAngel said:


This morning I was dropping something off in the copy room and I saw his cute butt (he was digging in the supply cabinet for something) but proceeded to drop off my things without noticing him. Then I turned around and he was there, saying "good morning" with this huge smile. I smiled, said, "hello", then walked out.

playing it cool but friendly- that's the way to go!!! :up:
 
Irvine is right.

Moreover, if I were in your shoes I'd be quite upset... I mean, the fact that you are young doesn't mean you're stupid, ignorant and unaware of everything in the world.
Sure, maybe you do not have a lot of experiences... but how can he knows?

Wasn't he supposed to be a cool, great guy?

IMO, he lost a lot of his charme with what he said...

I like your new approach: be cool, be friendly and walk on.
 
lady luck said:
Irvine is right.

Moreover, if I were in your shoes I'd be quite upset... I mean, the fact that you are young doesn't mean you're stupid, ignorant and unaware of everything in the world.
Sure, maybe you do not have a lot of experiences... but how can he knows?

Wasn't he supposed to be a cool, great guy?

IMO, he lost a lot of his charme with what he said...

I like your new approach: be cool, be friendly and walk on.


Ok, for the record, that was what Irvine's interpretation of what he was saying was... In fact, when I took him to task on the Kennedy being shot thing, he looked at me and said, "I know you'd know, that was just an extreme case..." So I don't think he was trying to imply that I'm not as smart or whatever because I'm younger.

This poor man! :lol: :madwife:
 
LarryMullen's_POPAngel said:
Ok, as for all this sex talk at work stuff, he and I have said stuff like that to each other for a long time and he knows I'm not offended by it so we're cool. In fact, I remember the first time he said something like that to me. The next day he came up and the first thing he did was come to my desk and started to apologize, and when I said, "Please, don't worry about it," he said, "Ok, just covering my ground here!" in a joking way and we were cool.

Obviously, when with others in a work setting, you keep it professional and work-related, or basic small talk like discussing news or current events. But when it's a conversation between the two of you, a comfort level has been established and talking about sex shouldn't be a problem since both of you have indicated you aren't offended by it.

At a previous job, I worked closely with several customers - they didn't work with me in person, but there was contact almost every day, and even over the phone, or by email or IM, you develop a close working relationship. And in my case, I would flirt with my female contacts. There was one in particular where the flirting really became significant over time, where we would continue to push the envelope with each other, but be careful not to go too far.

One day, we were discussing a former boyfriend of hers, I believe. The conversation came to a point where she asked for my opinion on something, and I replied that I couldn't specifically tell her because I didn't want her to be offended, even though I knew by this point that she wouldn't be. Well, in a playful way, she indicated that she was quite all right with all of this. And it just went on from there with no problems.

So when I think it reaches that point, and you've reached an understanding with the other person about what he/she is comfortable talking about, then it's ok as long as you are discreet about it.

:)
 
phanan said:




So when I think it reaches that point, and you've reached an understanding with the other person about what he/she is comfortable talking about, then it's ok as long as you are discreet about it.

:)

Exactly, phanan. And I believe that when he started that he felt comfortable enough around me to say things of that nature and was pleasantly surprised when I gave it right back. And obviously he still feels that way to where we were able to have that talk last week without any qualms.

I've been fine this week (pleasant, but cool), but can I just say I still hope he takes off for his birthday Friday and that I'm happy we only have 8 days until holiday break? :huh:

All this, and I'm debating whether or not I should leave a Christmas card on his desk. :madwife:
 
U2Girl1978 said:
A Christmas Cad wouldn't hurt! :)

ETA: I meant to say CARD! :lol: I can't believe I said that. :tsk:

:lol:

But would it seem strange if I'm not sending them to anyone else? :hmm: ;)

He was Mr. Friendly today. Any other day I would have tried to stop and talk, not today (or this week). I think he's beginning to catch on...


<--- Ms. Friendly, Yet Cool As A Cucumber



But I still had a few internal "god, he's gorgeous and would love for him to kiss me" moments today :madwife:
 
3.gif
Serenity now
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if you're only planning on giving one to him and him alone then i reckon no on the christmas card idea.
i just don't think that, after everything and how you're trying to be calm and cool, its a good move.
if its just him it's very personal and will give out mixed signals with your current behaviour towards him
 
digsy said:
if you're only planning on giving one to him and him alone then i reckon no on the christmas card idea.
i just don't think that, after everything and how you're trying to be calm and cool, its a good move.
if its just him it's very personal and will give out mixed signals with your current behaviour towards him


Oh, definitely... Which is why tonight I'll be purchasing a pack for work, lol. :shh:

I'm on the fence about the card thing, really. If I do give him one, it won't be anything fancy, and there will not be any more invites of any nature (though the urge to give him my address and to tell him to "bring the mistletoe" is pretty strong :macdevil: ), but I guess it wouldn't hurt, to let him know I still think of him or whatever.
 
LarryMullen's_POPAngel said:



Oh, definitely... Which is why tonight I'll be purchasing a pack for work, lol. :shh:

I'm on the fence about the card thing, really. If I do give him one, it won't be anything fancy, and there will not be any more invites of any nature (though the urge to give him my address and to tell him to "bring the mistletoe" is pretty strong :macdevil: ), but I guess it wouldn't hurt, to let him know I still think of him or whatever.

Interesting idea...

But

I dunno if it's the best now. IMO, you should write it and keep it for you, unless he gave you a card BEFORE you show yours...

Unless he's blind, he knows you're still attracted -- even if you're playing the cool girl.

What do you want to write in the card?

I suppose it won't be just "Happy Christmas"....
 
I don't know. I'm just wishing I could read his mind, or that I could talk to him about this for real. Maybe one day I can really get things from his view, without any veiled examples or debates in front of other co-workers.

I still feel confused, when I know I should finally be clear on things. But don't think I'm acting this way at work... Calm, cool, and for the most part, my old self (still with the cutesy flirts here and there).

:madwife:
 
We were really cute and talked after I came back in and muttered, "If I hear one more Christmas carol..." He sympathized and then we talked for a while about good ones (he teased me when I told him that U2 was on the same CD the Mellencamp and Bruce ones are on), then when the lunch some of us ordered came I said I forgot to cancel mine since I had gone upstairs (needing some girl talk with my girls) and he asked me what I had gotten and that he'd split it with me. I told him what I got but when we saw it we agreed it was too greasy for either of us to eat, and I told him "I'm not quite ready to eat that" and told him about my food poisoning bout earlier this week.

Oh, my friends and I discussed the Big Daddy thing, and how he'd probably flip if he were ever to be called that now with this whole agre freak out stuff. :p

(Not that I'd ever really call him that...)
 
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