As it happens, every now and then I think I know what life is all about. A revelation comes upon me and I think I know what it means to exist. Such is the feeling I have right now. Ahhh....too bad it doesn't give me any motivation to do something with my life.
Please allow me to elaborate....
I graduated from college last June, received my B.A. in Political Science: Pre-Law in July (the actual copy), and instead of going to law school I continued to tend bar in my college town. This isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life, but at the present time it is what I do.
There are many other factors that go into my state of life, which I won't get into, but consider that I'm dating a girl who I don't really feel I can leave, and I'm experiencing those revelations I mentioned earlier.
So, what are those revelations? Basically, I think that I'm destined to be/do whatever fait has in store. I believe that no matter how hard I work at something, I'm forever doomed to be a loser, a B-team player, a costume-Elvis hating, ugly, poor, fool, who will spend his whole life hoping for happiness, riches, and substance.
This feeling of hopelessness stems in the fact that my whole life, up until this moment has followed those lines. I have never been treated fairly, not that I expect anyone else has, but I do believe that people who are successful, more often than not, are privledged, wealthy, aristocrats, and not middle-class, nobody's like myself.
Is that assumption fact or falicey (sp?)? I think it is fact.
I honesly believe that I'm worth something, but try convincing someone who doesn't care? Try getting into law school, or getting a good job without being a genius or a rich-boy heir to the throne. It's damn near impossible, and I'm tired of believing that it is possible.
I don't believe in a God that one way or another how my life is going to turn out. In fact, I don't think it would care how anyone's life turned out. Come to think of it, is there even a God? If there isn't, aren't we all just wasting our time and money professing to believe in an invisible man?
Am I asking too many questions? (Now you know what I deal with every waking second of my life)
Trust me, I could ramble on and on forever about what I don't understand, so I'll cut to the end.
I don't see what purpose I have in this life. I know what I'd like to do with my life, but I don't believe that anyone will let me even explore those choices. I have encouragement from friends and family. Some of those friends are from this very website (thanks). But those words of enlightenment don't sell the idea of happiness. They sound good, but for an existentialist like myself, they only prolong the problems and make me believe that I'm the only one that sees the reality of life.
Does anyone even remotely feel the same way?
Does anyone have a better answer than, "Do what you want with your life, and have faith, and everything will work out....you'll see"?
Please allow me to elaborate....
I graduated from college last June, received my B.A. in Political Science: Pre-Law in July (the actual copy), and instead of going to law school I continued to tend bar in my college town. This isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life, but at the present time it is what I do.
There are many other factors that go into my state of life, which I won't get into, but consider that I'm dating a girl who I don't really feel I can leave, and I'm experiencing those revelations I mentioned earlier.
So, what are those revelations? Basically, I think that I'm destined to be/do whatever fait has in store. I believe that no matter how hard I work at something, I'm forever doomed to be a loser, a B-team player, a costume-Elvis hating, ugly, poor, fool, who will spend his whole life hoping for happiness, riches, and substance.
This feeling of hopelessness stems in the fact that my whole life, up until this moment has followed those lines. I have never been treated fairly, not that I expect anyone else has, but I do believe that people who are successful, more often than not, are privledged, wealthy, aristocrats, and not middle-class, nobody's like myself.
Is that assumption fact or falicey (sp?)? I think it is fact.
I honesly believe that I'm worth something, but try convincing someone who doesn't care? Try getting into law school, or getting a good job without being a genius or a rich-boy heir to the throne. It's damn near impossible, and I'm tired of believing that it is possible.
I don't believe in a God that one way or another how my life is going to turn out. In fact, I don't think it would care how anyone's life turned out. Come to think of it, is there even a God? If there isn't, aren't we all just wasting our time and money professing to believe in an invisible man?
Am I asking too many questions? (Now you know what I deal with every waking second of my life)
Trust me, I could ramble on and on forever about what I don't understand, so I'll cut to the end.
I don't see what purpose I have in this life. I know what I'd like to do with my life, but I don't believe that anyone will let me even explore those choices. I have encouragement from friends and family. Some of those friends are from this very website (thanks). But those words of enlightenment don't sell the idea of happiness. They sound good, but for an existentialist like myself, they only prolong the problems and make me believe that I'm the only one that sees the reality of life.
Does anyone even remotely feel the same way?
Does anyone have a better answer than, "Do what you want with your life, and have faith, and everything will work out....you'll see"?