I worry too much about pleasing my parents

[wertsie]

I'm 21 years old. I'm an adult, right? But I still care too much about what my parents think! We have always been pretty close but sometimes they can be kind of overbearing and/or controlling. I know it's because they love me so much, but sometimes it just makes me want to scream!

Take yesterday as an example...They came down here to see me get an award from the Writing department (yay me!) and practically the first words out of my mom's mouth was something about how my old high school English teacher wants me to write a story for the newspaper about this dinner theater thing the junior class puts on every year. She basically TOLD him that I would do it without asking me. And I do NOT want to do it for many reasons, including that going back to my high school, even after 3 years, scares the shit out of me because it was not the best time of my life and I sort of still have a crush on this teacher even though he really pisses me off. So I ranted about this to my roomies and they agreed that I shouldn't do it if I don't want to. So I told my mom I didn't want to do it and she talked about how she was so sad that I didn't care about the high school and stuff and it just made me feel SO guilty! I spent all day yesterday feeling miserable about it (ironic, really, since I should've been happy about getting the award!) and parts of today. I STILL feel really guilty, but it doesn't change how I feel.

Sorry this was so long...I guess I just needed to vent a bit more...

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

i am 28 and still worry about pleasing my parents.

 

[madamc]

I used to worry about pleasing my parents.

But you know what? No matter what you do or say, won't please them.

So, just do what you want to do, do your best, take responsibility...and if you're parents or family doesn't like it, well tough $h!t for them.

This is your life, not theirs.

If you always want to please people, you will end up depressed and stuff when they don't appreciate what you do.

People are fickle, and those you are close to know how to hurt you.

If you don't want to do something, don't do it. You're not a child anymore--even if you live with your parents. They should give you space for you to grow as a responsible, mature adult.

 

[wertsie]

Very true!

 

[LoriHewson]

yeah I know how that is. I 'm that way with my mother, so I totally understand. I'm 22 and sometimes I still think about "oh what would my mother or my grandparents think" before I do things. Then if I don't think they'd approve, or that they would be disappointed by it, I feel guilty if I do it...lol. You just have to do what you want to do...hopefully your Mom will get over it soon

Lori

 

[wertsie]

Yeah. I STILL haven't said anything about my tattoo to them!

It's so weird...Sometimes I can actually FEEL what my mom is feeling. I know she's really sad now that my brother and I are both away at college. I think a part of her still wishes we were little kids, even though I think she likes us better now!

I feel sad, too, that that part of her life is over...But also happy for ME because I feel like there's so much out there that I can do.

 

[LoriHewson]

Yeah. I STILL haven't said anything about my tattoo to them!

It's so weird...Sometimes I can actually FEEL what my mom is feeling. I know she's really sad now that my brother and I are both away at college. I think a part of her still wishes we were little kids, even though I think she likes us better now!

I feel sad, too, that that part of her life is over...But also happy for ME because I feel like there's so much out there that I can do.

Now that's something I probably would never tell my parents about...lol

Lori

 

[madamc]

Yeah. I STILL haven't said anything about my tattoo to them!

It's so weird...Sometimes I can actually FEEL what my mom is feeling. I know she's really sad now that my brother and I are both away at college. I think a part of her still wishes we were little kids, even though I think she likes us better now!

I feel sad, too, that that part of her life is over...But also happy for ME because I feel like there's so much out there that I can do.

my mom has a tattoo...and didn't tell ME about it. But I saw it though, and I wasn't impressed. It was a nickname of a boyfriend at the time.

Just shows that parents are immature too.

Don't worry about not being perfect, because there are things you don't know about your family: grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles. things they've done in the past, that they are ashamed of. Trust me on this. Everyone has skeletons in their closet--even your grandparents!

 

[Bonochick]

I'm 21, and while I don't focus on pleasing my parents, I always hope that they approve of what I do. I often ask my dad for advice and input on things. Usually, the first thing he answers with is, "You're an adult...you don't need my approval...you can do what you want." I've always valued Dad's opinion though, and I like him to lay out honest opinions, even though that doesn't mean I'll swing that way. I like knowing where he stands on things. He also respects that I can ultimately do what I wish though and lets me be pretty free, considering I still live at home and rely on him for a lot of things, especially with being unemployed right now.

 

[FizzingWhizzbees]

I guess I worry about pleasing my parents too. My Mom is fantastic because she hardly ever gets disappointed with me or angry at my decisions, she just wants me to make my own decisions and do what's best for me. My Dad, on the other hand...well, I'm taking the rest of the semester away from school and I'm SO scared to tell him. I think I may just neglect to mention it to him, especially since I'll be back in school in September.

 

[oliveu2cm]

Me too, Wertsie.

I hate it, it's like a horrible Catholic guilt sometimes. and it's really hard to put realization into action: that it's YOUR life, not theirs. I realize that but it's hard to act that way.

If I move to England for a couple years, overcoming their opposition is going to be extremely difficult.

 

[sulawesigirl4]

I have a somewhat different relationship with my parents. I actually have to train myself to care about what they think. lol. I have lived independently (boarding school since age 6) for so long that I am completely used to being totally in charge of my life and my decisions and they know better than to try to tell me what to do. However, I am trying to keep them informed and in the loop, so to speak...to involve them. All in all though, it is your life, not theirs. Guilt is not something that they should be inflicting upon you.

 

[wertsie]

Thanks to everybody who replied. You're all totally right. It's MY life! So why is it so hard for me to convince myself of this?

 

[joyfulgirl]

I worry about how much I don't care if I please my mom or not...

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

I'm always worried about what my parents are going to think too. My dad trys to be controlling at times. I don't think that he has been able to come to grips with the fact that I'm an adult, especially since I'm the oldest. He treats me like I'm 14 even though I'm 20 and have lived on my own, so I obviously have the skills and maturity to take care of my self and make my own decisions. My mom understands this, I don't know why my dad doesn't.

 

[cass]

so do I and I am almost as old as that singer
whatsisname
quite cute
good voice
ummmmm
starts with a "B"

I just back from a visit with my parents and my sister. They are such nice people, my mother is something else.... and that sister of mine.She is pathologically positive. I wish I lived closer to them.It might rub off.