I thought I did a good job

[NYbrowneyedgirl]

with parenting my two children, however after yesterday, I really think I must have failed somehow.

My parents are in Italy in vacation for a month and I have been taking care of their house. They have an inground pool and I've allowed my fourteen year old daughter their alone with some of her friends since it's been very hot. I only work down the street from their house, so I thought it would be okay. Well yesterday, she was there with three of her friends who are 15 years old. One of the girls forgot her bathing suit and they couldn't find any one to give them a ride so she could go get it, so they decided to take my mother's car and drive!!!!!

The girl that was driving had some experience driving, but no permit. On the way back to my mother's house, she somehow stepped on the gas instead of the brake or something and put the car in a ditch almost on its side. They are all okay, however my mother's car is damaged and is sitting in a shop. I should find out how much its going to cost to fix today, it looks like there is a lot of damage underneath.

So yesterday, I got a call from the NY State troopers to come get my daughter. Since they are all under sixteen, they are not in any trouble with the law for taking the car. However, my parents could press charges when they get back, but I don't think they will if we can get their car fixed.

These are four "good" girls, who have good grades and play sports. I just don't understand how they could do this. Have we failed them as parents? I blame myself, and now I have to tell my parents what my child has done, and also pay for their car to be fixed which will probably be in the thousands.

It's very scary, kids today have no fear and do not think of the consequences their actions may bring. My daughter feels terrible for whats she's done and I feel like a terrible parent and that I have somehow failed.

 

[HeartlandGirl]

Even good kids do stupid stuff sometimes. And screwing up like that is what teaches us to behave a little more properly in the future. Still, I understand that you're upset. I hope everything turns out okay for you, your daughter, your mom, and the car.

 

[zonelistener]

Peer pressure is immense at that age.

If one suggests the idea, and another buys into it - all four will buy into it. Even if they know it is wrong.

Good luck! I bet she stays the straight and narrow from here on out!

 

[MrBrau1]

Make her pay for the car repairs. All of it, and her friend too.

 

[BAW]

First of all...if this is the first time she's done something like this, don't beat yourself up about it or blame yourself. Peer pressure can cause the most obedient kid in the world to do something downright stupid.

I have 2 teenagers and I've been through this a few times myself. When my older son was 16, his girlfriend stole her grandfather's BMW and the two of them drove around in it all night. He wanted to press charges but the girls' mother talked him out of it. I was all for him filing charges just so my son could see that just because they didn't get into an accident, this was a big deal and things could have turned out very badly.


Hopefully this has made your daughter and her friends see that rules aren't just there to make their lives boring...in this case lives could have been lost.

 

[NYbrowneyedgirl]

Thank you all for your responses, I'm still shocked about all this and am so thankful that no one was hurt and that they didn't hit another car. The girls are all very sorry they have done this, and needless to say, will never dare do anything like it again.

I should have the estimate for the car later today, and I am hoping the other families will help me pay for it. But ultimately, it's my responsibility, and I will have to come up with the money somehow.

My parents will be home next Friday, and I think telling them what happened is going to be the hardest part of all this. They will be so dissapointed in me and my daughter.

 

[Sicy]

I dont think you're a terrible parent. Even if you're the most super excellent parent in the world, I think teenagers will still do stupid things no matter what. That's what teenagers are all about.. plus the pressures of friends contribute as well.

Good luck with everything!

 

[FizzingWhizzbees]

I don't think you're a terrible parent or anything like that. Teenagers do stupid/dangerous/wrong things even if they've had the "perfect" parents. I probably did my share of irresponsible things as a teenager but I definitely wouldn't ever blame my parents for that, it was just that I sometimes made the wrong decisions like most teenagers do.

I hope you manage to get the car fixed and it's not too expensive.

 

[Bonochick]

Don't feel like you have failed as a parent. My parents were always wonderful to me, and I feel that they did a good job with raising me...but I still have done lots of stupid things.

One thing I've always hated is whenever I've made mistakes or something is wrong with me, my parents tend to blame themselves. My dad and I were actually discussing something yesterday because he said that because of a comment I made the other day, he feared that he had done something wrong in raising me...he felt horrible that I felt a certain way. It's not his fault though.

I think that sometimes parents expect too much of themselves. There really is only so much that you can do. The fact that you are concerned about being a "terrible parent" proves that your intentions are good. A parent who truly was terrible wouldn't care or realize it. Give yourself more credit.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

There's only so much a parent can do. And if this is the first time, maybe she will learn from this and know never to do it again. Good luck!

 

[najeena]

You can't make her mistakes for her, that's her's to accomplish. Try to remember that time/age brings wisdom, or at least some common sense. She learned a big lesson, be glad she's OK and let up on yourself, you weren't at the wheel.