I think I made a mistake - - - your thoughts, please

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For Honor

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Ladies of ZC, I need your opinions, please.
(guys too, but it's kind of a female situation)



As much as women are strange and have their moods, I think this is a situation where I actually could have done something to make it better, and don't want to take the easy way out and say "Yeah, she's crazy- - she's just in a funky mood... " I think there is more to it tonight. She doesn't get that way very often, so it makes me wonder how serious it was...


Here's the deal...


I was talking with someone who I care about a lot, and that is mutual within the level of our relationship that we have. Basically, she was in a bad mood about things, and from what little I knew, ''a lot was going on''. Now, she is the kind of girl who never says what is bothering her, and keeps a lot of things inside. She can get really mad sometimes, but it is rare...

And in her own way, she did something really special and nice for me - she said she didn't want to talk to me. Because if she did, she would just say a lot of mean things and take it out on me. And because she cares for me, she didn't want to hurt me or anything. Does that make sense?



But I made a mistake, I think.
I was just irratated - because I already had a lot of previous things going on, and I was not feeling so well anyways, when the conversation began. So when she said "Don't talk to me", I just took it as like, "?!? What?". I basically was like, (in my mind: well, if you don't want to talk to me, then we won't be talking). ANd I sort of left, abruptly. It's hard to explain, since we were communicating sort of online-ish, sort of not. It was a lot like a phone conversation, but that is not important.

But anyways, when I came back, she was gone.
And I can't talk to her right now, so it's kind of like "crap, I hope i didn't do something stupid..."




The whole reason I'm going into this sort of elaboration is because if she would seek comfort from anyone, it would most likely be me. And I sort of wasn't there; I "left"... I ... should have been there and stayed with her through it all, even if she was mad or got mad at me. Since it is the only thing I can do at the moment, I wrote her an email describing things a lot more, but I know that I will have to expand upon it when the chance comes up.

But I just got this really bad feeling afterwards.
Stepping out for the walk, outside, in the fresh air, and those bastard bugs... I realized that I could have acted better. I didn't make it clear that I don't care how mad she gets... I should be the one person that she can always count on for being there, and I sort of wasn't.....


Well, I'll better define things later.
But I was just wondering about what people thought about this situation.

I know when there is a lot of anger, there is a lot of pain. And I just feel like I let her down, since she is probably going to deal with it alone. And I'm worried that it is one of those things where someone says "leave me alone, stay away", but really, they just want someone there to be able to comfort them.

...she tried... to... get over it and talk to me again. But she couldn't, and it got worse, and then things flared up. I realized, all too late, not only that she really did want to talk to me, but that she just couldn't manage it..... and that she actually... really cares about me enough to spare me from her mood, her anger. But I should have returned that by dealing with it anyway, by showing that it doesn't matter, I'd always be there for her.

But I didn't :|


It all seems so clear now. I hope I am not too late, though...
 
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if i had said that to someone, you can be sure that i would have meant it. sometimes when people get frustrated and close to the boiling point, they really do need to just be alone.

don't worry so much--it's got nothing to do with you. i'm sure she knows you're there when you need her. if she wanted to talk, she would have.
 
dandy said:
if i had said that to someone, you can be sure that i would have meant it. sometimes when people get frustrated and close to the boiling point, they really do need to just be alone.

don't worry so much--it's got nothing to do with you. i'm sure she knows you're there when you need her. if she wanted to talk, she would have.

yes! I agree

Just relax and talk to her
Bad moments come & went, maybe she'll call you to tell why she was so messed up.

Juat give her time to set things
 
Youre having good thoughts

It is good to see there are some really intelligent and caring persons around just like you. Keep that, also if you get disappointed just so often. Caring is a great gift.

As to the deal: what Miro said
 
Thankyou very much. I don't quite understand your third sentance, "Keep that, aslo...". But yeah, I agree with Miro...
 
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