I sit next to Milton and

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ouizy

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I usually do not confess much, but someone at my workplace has driven me crazy.

At work I sit next to a man who can only be described by saying he IS Milton from Office Space.

Milton:

milton_strokes.jpg


Background:

My team is working on a huge project in our friendly neighbor Canada. It is higly technical and there are huge amounts of data that flow daily. The bulk of the work is computer based architectural drawings, and we have a huge number of consultants around the world on the team. That said, most of the people on my team are involved in drawings. Not the man who sits next to me. He is 53 and he will be referred to as Milton.

Milton has worked at my firm for over 20 years and has been laid off, re-hired, laid off, re-hired and now sits next to me. He is not allowed to do drawings, but he is responsible for all the electronic information for the team. Milton's brain is like a sponge and he knows everything about everything. He can tell you the history of the local government in a small African country, or the best recipie for cornbread. He lives an alternative lifestyle and when I was first hired I was convinced he was a drunk. Now, this may still be true as whenever we go out for drinks as a team, he is done with his 4th martini when I am ordering my second beer. Also, he was the one who took me out to lunch the first day I started and he thought is was a good idea to have a bottle of white wine at lunch. I simply thought it was curious.

Problem:

Milton sits directly next to me, and we do not sit in cubicles, but in a U-shaped space with two people per U. In the past two years, my team has been moved 4 times throughout the firms 5 floors. I have never sat next to Milton, but always near him. He is a loud man who can be very annoying. I now sit next to him. We actually sit with our backs to each other and he always has a fan directly on him due to his high metabolism. So the fan is at my back all day. He seems to smell kinda funny, and at lunch he always scarfs down the same thing from the same deli, and then proceeds to read the New York Times cover to cover. He complains how liberal the rag is, yet he reads it every day.

Milton talks to himself. He is a computer programmer who thinks his job runs the show. He is continuously talking be it to someone else, or to himself. He believes every data entry is critical. The project has been going on for 6 years now, is worth $4 Billion, and is substantially constructed. He still believes every computer file he touches is the end all to the project and if something were to be input incorrectly the architect would give out the wrong design, thus the engineering consultant would provide the wrong system, thus the construction manager would inform the contractor to install the wrong device, thus the contractor would install the wrong thing in the wrong place and the building would fall down.

Ain't happening Milton.

The man drives me crazy. He looks just like the character in the movie and the firm even tried to sit him in a closet in move #2. I am not kidding. I am now stuck sitting next to him as our team was down-sized and he speaks in tongues. You would think he was responsible for building the airport himself. I know for a fact some of my compadres in Canada are consiously not returning his phone calls, and I know that people on my team are not reading his doomsday emails. How do I know this? Milton likes to show me his printed out emails with the "read-receipt" function on. That basically tells you who has read your email and who has not. He recently sent one out which he thought was critical in the relationship of the two main firms on the job and he sent it out to twenty people in two countries. He showed me the receipt and one person from my firm had opened it (by mistake.)

I think it is actually a shame that I saw Office Space as now I compare everything my Milton does to the Milton from the movie. It is horrific. As we just moved, I see myself sitting next to the 53 year old (who has the same skill-set as me - over 20 years his younger) for at least a year.

I will try not to kill him, if he tries to not burn the place down.



Troubled,
 
if you kill your co worker, i'll kill mine.
bring him on a business trip to nevada. we have lots of desert to hide the bodies.

then i'll buy you a drink and we can play let it ride.
all that digging's gonna make you thirsty.

:hug: ouizy :hug:
 
Have you ever spoken to your boss about this?

Secondly, "read receipts" are not the end all. You are often prompted as to whether or not you want to send one back, and I often say "no" myself.

Melon
 
My officemate punctuates her sentences with clucking sounds and a wink. :scream: But otherwise she's a pal.

I feel for you, ouizy. I have had some officemates from hell.
 
i think this is my new favorite zoo confession.

great googly moogly.

and to quote my co-evil one: :crazy: indeed.
 
as much as I understand showing pictures and quoting Office Space here seems to be de rigeur, I have to be honest my U-mate simply is Milton.

Instead of his red Swingline, mine has a picture of Lester B. Pearson next to his desk.

Now not many people may know who Lester B. Pearson is, but he was a Prime Minister of Canada at some point in the past.

Our new airport is named after him, and he brings this photo wherever he goes...

Nevada could be good, lots of sand and quick decomposition. My poker game is also not hacking it.

I am going to this new "Las Vegas" designed casino in Atlantic City in August. It sounds cheesy, but it is going to be fun...






I love being home on Friday nights - time to relax...
 
bonosgirl84 said:
if you kill your co worker, i'll kill mine.
bring him on a business trip to nevada. we have lots of desert to hide the bodies.

then i'll buy you a drink and we can play let it ride.
all that digging's gonna make you thirsty.

:shifty: BG have you, by any chance, seen the movie "Shallow Grave" with Ewan McGreggor? If not I recommend it to you. You sound just like a character from the movie just then :lol:

Quizy, Oi Vey, you must be a very very patient man! :der:
In fact, I'd like to nominate you for priesthood :lol:
 
As fantastic a confession that was Ouizy, I unfortunately have to add my own story. Nothing like it, eh? The picture you posted, btw I have not seen office space, is identical to a part time desk I had a few years ago. I was trained to fill in for one of the administrators and really enjoyed the work as well as the odd little space the guy had who did the job full time. Where that dead pot plant would sit was the computer, that is the only difference. This desk even had the little 'under cabinet light' on it. Every time I see one of you guys post this pic it reminds me of that desk and that job. I applied for that position (apologies for sidetracking more and more) when the full time guy left. But unfortunately, one of the friends of a girl who was having an affair with the dept head got in before me. I was not given the job which a much embarrassed apology, but what do you do. The job wasn't worth an affair.... The girl who took over it was a dead ringer for Olive Oyl. Sp? Popeye's girlfriend. Uncanny resemblance...


So does your Milton get soggy patches in the underarm region? I imagine your Milton would.
 
Cleasai said:
:shifty: BG have you, by any chance, seen the movie "Shallow Grave" with Ewan McGreggor? If not I recommend it to you. You sound just like a character from the movie just then :lol:

lol, did i?
i've seen the movie, but it was years ago.
all i remember is that ewan ends up with the money in the end.
 
:lmao:


:lmao:


and


:lmao:...some more

beautifully told...I'm not sure if we are meant to laugh. I do feel sorry for ya and all.....but oh dear**cass wipes the tears from her eyes** it just sounds so tragically funny.

:lmao:

enjoy it while it lasts, unfortunately vacations end, maybe you can rearrange things before he gets back, start growing some fragrant herbs downwind, subscribe him to some decent reading material...move to another city.....I'll just :silent:

except I can't.....it seems so :lmao:

good luck lizardlover

:lmao:
 
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