It hit me today that so much of my youth has evaporated, and I've done nothing with it. So many simple things that one takes for granted, like adolescent flirtation, first loves, first heartbreaks, and sexual experimentation. I guess I really have, honestly, lived the stoic ideal without even knowing it: smart, aloof, unemotional, strong, protective, and celibate. Really, though, I wouldn't wish that "ideal" on anyone. It's purely a life of misery, one which, if I could, have changed completely.
And now the sunset of my youth is upon me. In one month, I graduate college, and, truthfully, I only look forward to this, so that my work will end. But, within my work, within my pursuit of knowledge, within my ambition to become the best at everything, I feel I've failed myself on the one thing that has always mattered the most to me: love. I guess I fear that, before I know it, time will have flown completely, and the world will have passed me by. I might become a sage in my own right, but, without love, is one really complete?
In the quest for the meaning of life, I believe that, more and more, I've actually found it. It's a feeling without words, and the "meaning" is one that truly evolves every moment you are still alive.
Regret...regret. It's probably the worst feeling ever. Uncertainty. So, I implore you not to repeat the mistakes I have made. If you have a question, it is better to ask it, rather than bottle it up. If you feel something, it is better to vent it tactfully, rather than to spare humiliation. The worst that can happen is inactivity, my once choice path, and all it leads to is regret.
Ormus
And now the sunset of my youth is upon me. In one month, I graduate college, and, truthfully, I only look forward to this, so that my work will end. But, within my work, within my pursuit of knowledge, within my ambition to become the best at everything, I feel I've failed myself on the one thing that has always mattered the most to me: love. I guess I fear that, before I know it, time will have flown completely, and the world will have passed me by. I might become a sage in my own right, but, without love, is one really complete?
In the quest for the meaning of life, I believe that, more and more, I've actually found it. It's a feeling without words, and the "meaning" is one that truly evolves every moment you are still alive.
Regret...regret. It's probably the worst feeling ever. Uncertainty. So, I implore you not to repeat the mistakes I have made. If you have a question, it is better to ask it, rather than bottle it up. If you feel something, it is better to vent it tactfully, rather than to spare humiliation. The worst that can happen is inactivity, my once choice path, and all it leads to is regret.
Ormus
