I really suck at being a girl....

[Liesje]

....So, Phil and I are officially engaged.



Lovely and all, but now I'm realizing I don't know anything about anything when it comes to this girly kinda stuff. For example, I'm not really the type of person to make big fusses or draw a lot of attention to myself, so am I supposed to be calling all my friends and relatives? Or do I just tell them when I see them? And how soon am I supposed to pick out a date? I'm the first of my kind amongst my good friends and family to be engaged so this is totally unfamiliar territory for me....

And for those that ARE into this type of thing, here's my pretty little ring. It's a blue sapphire. Sapphire is my birthstone, blue is my favorite color, and I like Phil's choice b/c it's more original and personal than a diamond (or three):

 

[beegee]

For example, I'm not really the type of person to make big fusses or draw a lot of attention to myself, so am I supposed to be calling all my friends and relatives? Or do I just tell them when I see them? And how soon am I supposed to pick out a date?

congrats.

i think you're supposed to act in any way that makes you feel the most comfortable. it's your engagement, your relationship, and it will be your wedding. do what feels right to you.

as for your last question, i was as old as you are now when i got married, but that was many years ago. looking back, i realize we should have had a longer engagement. you don't have to pick a date yet if you don't want to. again, do what you think is right.

your ring is very pretty.

 

[fah]

Congrats

When Mr fah and I became 'engaged' we told my parents first and then others as we ran into them. In reality, after we told my Mom there wasn't one person left outside our circle of friends and family who didn't know.

I wouldn't worry about setting a date right away but be prepared for those who need to know today because they need to make travel arrangements etc... However, now is the time to start thinking about how long you want your engagement to be If you have always dreamed about a certain kind of wedding you might be shocked to see just how far in advance you have to book some places. For example, if wanted an outdoor wedding in a local park/gardens this year, it might already be too late to book a summer wedding this year.

Your ring is beautiful

Again, congratulations

 

[For Honor]

very nice

 

[the soul waits]

Congratulations, Lies

Very nice ring

 

[clarityat3am]

Congrats!!!

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Congratulations, I love your ring. That's my birthstone too.

Don't you know you're already supposed to have an online registry set up and ask for hundreds of gifts? I think you should do whatever you're comfortable doing, if you are worried at all about etiquette re the engagement/wedding, just look for a current book at the library or do some research online. What matters more than anything is your relationship, and from what I can tell from just this site it sounds like a good one and that you have your priorities in good order. As long as you focus on that and don't get all caught up in what others expect (which I've seen too many people do) everything should be fine

 

[Schmeg]

Congratulations! Very pretty ring...gotta love something nontraditional and original!

My mom would have the whole "telling everyone known to man" thing covered, too.

 

[redkat]

Congratulations to both of you



There are planner books at most bookstores that will help you along if that's what you're looking for.


There are lots of rules and etiquette but people disagree on what they are... so do what makes you happy!!

 

[Miroslava]

Congratulations you crazy kids!

Having met you both, all I can say is that the two of you are freaking a-do-ra-ble!

As for your actual question, I am probably equally useless as you in that regard, but I am going to have to agree with everyone else... do what feels right...

Phil, thanks for letting us steal Lies for a couple days back in October

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Lies and Phil, congrats!

I'd say more but miroslava said it all.

 

[Mr. BAW]

congrats...tell the world!

 

[girlhappy]

Maybe it sounds like a cliche but do what your heart tells you to do. And i am sure your heart is full at the moment. So, i am sure you will feel the natural need to tell everything to the people you love. Cheers!

 

[u2bonogirl]

congrats!
If you dont feel comfortable just telling people for the sake of telling them that you are engaged the easiest way to spread the word is to tell your parents
Tell them and then everybody they know will know!
Then if you see people that care about you, you can tell them as the opportunity arises

I hope your wedding is everything you want it to be. Try not to please everybody, it will just make you feel

 

[BluRmGrl]

Congrats, Lies & Phil!!

I have to agree with Tara & bonosgirl84 on how you proceed from here... you do EXACTLY what will make the two of you happy. If that means a 4 year engagement, so be it; if it means you get married at an amusement park & have a chili and cornbread reception in your backyard, so be it. You can't set out to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings, but when all is said & done, this is your wedding and everyone else will need to respect that.

As for the engagment ring, I think it's gorgeous!! Mr. Blu searched far & wide for my ring because he also wanted something with my birthstone instead of the traditional diamond. He found a gorgeous aquamarine with two small diamonds that I absolutely adore. It just made the ring more special to me by him taking that route.

Anyway, my very best wishes to you both!!

 

[U2Girl1978]

Congrats!!!

 

[nbcrusader]

Best Wishes Lies!!!

 

[starsforu2]

Things I learned from getting married: (And none of this advice is personally directed at the two of you, I don't know either of you well enough to give any specific advice. This is just things that I think I think. )

After being engaged, I'm for short engagements. Particularly if you're trying to be "good" before you get married. A long engagement when you've already promised yourselves to one another makes temptation harder to resist. After all, you've already made the commitment in your head, right? (The one caviat is that you must be sure that this is who you want to marry. We were sure and so our engagement was a bit torturous. If you're not sure then you might need a longer engagement.)

Get a wedding planner. It doesn't have to be a professional, and you don't have to pay them, but it must be someone who is not you or your Mom. Because on the day of the wedding you need someone in the know to make sure that everything you want done, gets done. Get someone who can see the big picture and will pull all of the stuff together for you on your big day. We had 2 receptions (West coast & East coast) and for one of them, it was completely stress-free because we had someone take care of all the itty-bitty details while we just enjoyed ourselves. On my wedding day, I did far too much running around at the last minute when I should have been able to sit back and enjoy my wedding day.

Don't have 2 receptions (not that most people do, but with a bi-coastal wedding, I tried it so that more people on my side of the world could share in our happiness) - It costs more money, and people don't get as much out of the non-official one.

If you want your guests to dance, play songs they like (this is one of the few areas, where I say that it's somewhat important to do what others want)

Have a separate party proof-read your invitations for spelling and details. I forgot to put the time for our 2nd reception on the invitations. Which brings up a larger point... you don't have to go it alone. Get as much help as you need, you'd be surprised at how helpful people want to be for big celebrations like this one.

I thought that pre-marital counseling was helpful as well. As it turns out, we had already talked about most of the things that they asked us about, but it doesn't hurt to get someone trusted to help you see whether it's a good decision, and to point out obvious problem areas than are not as obvious to the people involved.

Some people say that you should hand address each envelope and return card It's becoming more acceptable to print off your own invitations and print the addressing using Word's mail-merge with a database or a spreadsheet. I highly recommend printing all of your envelopes, I did it for a friend and it looked great.

Book the church and reception hall first thing. Once you find out when those places are available, you can firm up a date. We started our planning for August, but because of logistics and people we ended up in mid-July, easily 3 weeks earlier than our first estimates. Coordinate with the Best Man / Matron of Honor, family etc.

That's all I can think of right now....

Congratulations you two! And remember, no matter what happens, the wedding always has a happy ending. If the cake falls off the table, and the tuxes don't arrive, it just isn't worth getting stressed about. In the end, you get to be together forever. You get the happy ending, no matter what happens on your wedding day So good luck!

 

[bonosloveslave]

Congrats to both of you! Great choice on the ring Phil

 

[martha]

Congratulations!

Your engagement ring is beautiful. My is three citrines.

Start talking together about when you want to get married. You do need to book things in advance, so if you have an idea for a date, that makes things easier. Our wedding was small and simple and people complimented us on it for years afterwards. Make sure to have the wedding you want, not what others think you should have. The wedding is only a ceremony, and while it's an important ceremony, the years together after the ceremony should be the real focus of whatever you do.

 

[Liesje]

OK, so basically I refuse to get married whilst in school (till mid-May) and I'm not really down for a June wedding b/c that's cutting it so close and I want to kind of 'hang out' my last semester of college and not have to deal w/ wedding hoopla...so I asked some of my friends and I kinda liked September b/c my birthday is Sept 11 and after that I'll be 22 (it's weird but the thought of getting married at 21 always creeped me out), but then they said that would be annoying for people still in school or going off to grad school. As someone who's been severely inconvenienced by selfish planning of weddings in the past (Chistmas, New Year's, etc), it is kinda important to me that the other people involved are OK with the date so I'm looking at August. I'm graduating in May and my boss said I could most likely keep my job for the summer (I work for the school as an intern status so technically I lose my job when I'm no longer a student), so I could live where I am now for the summer, work, and then have a few summer months to work everything else out.

As for the wedding, I've been to some weddings recently and made mental notes of what I do and don't want. Like I said, I'm not a girly girl so I've NEVER thought about any weddings until like a year ago when friends started pairing off. It's not like I subscribe to Modern Bride and have my dresses picked out! (heck, I'm fine with my bridesmaids just picking out their own nice black cocktail dresses). Something small and traditional is fine w/ me. I don't even want a full reception b/c I can't stand the thought of having to sit for hours in an uncomfortable dress while people tell embarassing stories. Also, I'm broke, I don't expect my parents to be of any help, so I feel like if I can't go all-out w/ the dancing and open bar and such, what's the point? I'd rather just do a small church wedding (both families are religious) and then have kinda like an open house w/ snacks after.

Any other pointers about engagements or weddings are deeply appreciated since like I said I'm totally new to this and my parents have never done a wedding before since I'm the oldest.

 

[Liesje]

After being engaged, I'm for short engagements. Particularly if you're trying to be "good" before you get married. A long engagement when you've already promised yourselves to one another makes temptation harder to resist. After all, you've already made the commitment in your head, right? (The one caviat is that you must be sure that this is who you want to marry. We were sure and so our engagement was a bit torturous. If you're not sure then you might need a longer engagement.)

Thanks for all the pointers! This one won't be a big deal. We've been talking about getting married for like a year now and it's not been a problem so far, nor at any point in our relationship. I've been "good" for 21 years now so one more year won't be a problem

 

[anitram]

Congratulations to both of you!

A good friend of mine just got married last month and she turned into Bridezilla this past year so I know way more about weddings and wedding planning than I ever wanted to.

Basically if you want something small and intimate, it's a lot easier to plan. The bigger the wedding grows, the more complicated everything becomes, including booking and so on. You should be OK, although keep in mind that everything will cost you more in the summer. And last year I had a friend who got married in April (in the middle of exams just before she graduated) and it was less fun than it would have been had she had more time to plan things out. She was running around like a chicken without a head all spring. So I think you're definitely right as far as having the summer to plan it.

 

[*Ally*]

congratulations! that's a beautiful ring...

 

[martha]

(heck, I'm fine with my bridesmaids just picking out their own nice black cocktail dresses). Something small and traditional is fine w/ me. I don't even want a full reception b/c I can't stand the thought of having to sit for hours in an uncomfortable dress while people tell embarassing stories. Also, I'm broke, I don't expect my parents to be of any help, so I feel like if I can't go all-out w/ the dancing and open bar and such, what's the point? I'd rather just do a small church wedding (both families are religious) and then have kinda like an open house w/ snacks after.

Excellent! It sounds like you know what you want. Just don't let anyone talk you out of it because they want something different. (Unless it's your sweetheart of course; it's his wedding too.)

 

[clarityat3am]

I like this thread. I'm taking notes too.

 

[BonosBaby12]

I have to agree with what everyone else has said so far. Just do what you want you really want! If you both feel that you want a small church wedding with snacks afterwards than go for it. My oldest brother got married back in September on the beach. It was a small intimate wedding with about 50 people there. Afterwards there was a reception which was nothing fancy just nice. What worked best for my brother was that him and my sister in law picked out a "wedding package". This included a catered dinner and open bar for 3 hours. Honestly it wasn't a bad price as it came out to be about $1000. When you are younger though and broke than that can be costly. Good luck with planning your wedding!

 

[dazzlingamy]

congratulations!

What i think is if you want to have a smaller intimate wedding with a smaller amount of people, when thinking about booking things, don't say its for a wedding. A lot of places jack up the price or try to include lots of unecessary stuff that you really don't need!

Also, if you don't want a traditional dress (but still want it white ) there are some great cocktail dresses, or formally dresses that you can pick up that you then can wear again. But then some people like the fact they only wear their dress once!

 

[sami0201]

congratulations!

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

aww Congrats to the both of you.