I need to be more assertive

[verte76]

I just got some damn call from someone trying to sell me insurance. It was a rip-off, the guy was very pushy, and he was breaking the "do not call" law. Unfortunately I didn't use the best judgment and claimed that I had to hang up due to an alleged accident outside (which really wasn't true, I made it up ). I should have told the guy "Thank you, I'm not interested". I have trouble asserting myself and being direct. I need to have more guts, I suppose. I have trouble with this because I'm so damn shy. Sometimes this is really annoying. I wish I had more nerve or something.

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

sometimes when I can tell it's a telemarketer on the line and they ask for my name I tell them that "she's" not home.
One pissed me off about a week ago, they asked for my dad and he wasn't home then they asked when he was going to be home and they hadn't even identified themselves so I have them a very rude sounding "who wants to know?" . I'm not going to give personal information to just anyone who demands it over the phone.

 

[beli]

I need to be more assertive too. I can do it in certain situations ie shutting events down for safety reasons etc.

But Im really crap at it if its related to what I want ie not legislative requirements backing me up.

Im pretty good at telling telemarketers Im not interested. But Im really really crap if someones offended me. I dont like confrontation and tend to wander off and sulk. Which isnt an effective way of dealing with the problem

 

[indra]

Yeah, I actually am loath to interrupt other people (and I think most people are), so I find it hard to end the call politely when it's a telemarketer. So I what I tell myself is that since I'm not going to buy the product or service anyway I'm actually doing the caller a favor by getting off the phone and letting them talk to some other sucker...er...I mean customer. And of course if I really iritated at being interrupted I just hang up. And, trust me, when I hang up on them, I'm also doing them a favor, because they are not going to like what I'm thinking!

 

[Liesje]

I just got some damn call from someone trying to sell me insurance. It was a rip-off, the guy was very pushy, and he was breaking the "do not call" law. Unfortunately I didn't use the best judgment and claimed that I had to hang up due to an alleged accident outside (which really wasn't true, I made it up ). I should have told the guy "Thank you, I'm not interested".

Wow, that's a good one! I just plain hang up. Actually, I let them say their piece and THEn I glare at the phone and aggressively jab the "off" button.

One time the Grand Rapids Press kept calling my friend's house to try to get them to subscribe. Finally, her dad told them that no one in their household can read.

If the telemarketer is breaking the do-not-call law (your number has been registered for over 3 months), be sure to ask for their name and the company they represent.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I've had the same problem my whole life. When it gets to the point where people are taking advantage of you or treating you badly, you have to assert yourself. I think it's really tough if you're a people pleaser or don't like confrontation. There are people who target people who aren't assertive and try to hassle them, and they're not used to being confronted or told off when you stick up for yourself.

Even if you just tell people off in your own mind, it feels good

As for telemarketers, I usally just politely say no thanks. Once a guy started in on an issue and I said it was none of his damn business He was a relentless jerk and ticked me off..

 

[verte76]

We got the guy's business name and phone number from our answering machine, so we are going to report the incident. You get fined $11,000 for breaking the "do not call" law.

 

[Laura M]

I'm really bad at being assertive especially in work. I'm having problems with a supervisor who works in the men's clothing shop next door (it's joined to our store because it's part of the samegroup and we share lockers/ canteen etc). He keeps making rude jokes at me and telling me and his staff about what I look like in a swimsuit (he works at the pool I go to, I didn't know this until he said he watched me there ) and making comments about my body which they find funny and I find really embarassing. He also keeps coming in to our shop to talk to me which I don't like. I'm not shy around people I know well but when it is a person I don't know I get really shy and don't know what to say especially when someone makes me feel uncomfortable. My Mum said I can't be weak and that's my problem she said I need to tell him if he doesn't stop I'll complain about him and show him that I am serious. I can'tdo that What I'd prefer to do is go to the pool and complain about him I'm afraid to go now that I know he watches me (he was able to tell me what colour my swimsuit was, what days I usually go on and who I went with on different days )

 

[Liesje]

I'm having problems with a supervisor who works in the men's clothing shop next door (it's joined to our store because it's part of the samegroup and we share lockers/ canteen etc). He keeps making rude jokes at me and telling me and his staff about what I look like in a swimsuit (he works at the pool I go to, I didn't know this until he said he watched me there ) and making comments about my body which they find funny and I find really embarassing. He also keeps coming in to our shop to talk to me which I don't like.

Not sure about where you live, but in the States, that is WAAAAAY over the top and that guy would be fired and have his ass dragged into court! I don't think it should be your responsibility to ask him to stop; sounds like he's gone too far already. Talk to the person above him/head honcho/uber boss/whatever and make sure this jerk off pays dearly!

 

[aine_hewson]

Well, it's something that you don't have, and it's something I have too much

There's a woman that calls here asking if it's from the radio station, and I've said hundred times that it's not, so some days ago she asked if it was and I said "yeah it is, can I help you?" and she said she wanted to participate from the promotion to get a dvd player, and I said "ok, I only need your id number, phone number, and some personal information"--- Man! she gave it all! And I said "Thank you very much, we'll be in touch with you soon!" ... I totally fooled the woman, and then I felt bad, I felt like, geesh she was really excited you know, so I called back asking apologizes and saying it was just a joke and giving the real number from the radio...

Or some ppl call my cellphone and ask "what's the number there?" and I always answered "the number you called babe" and they hang up, it's really stupid, but it gets on my nerves!

Ok, I should shut up now...

 

[fah]

I'm really bad at being assertive especially in work. I'm having problems with a supervisor who works in the men's clothing shop next door (it's joined to our store because it's part of the samegroup and we share lockers/ canteen etc). He keeps making rude jokes at me and telling me and his staff about what I look like in a swimsuit (he works at the pool I go to, I didn't know this until he said he watched me there ) and making comments about my body which they find funny and I find really embarassing. He also keeps coming in to our shop to talk to me which I don't like. I'm not shy around people I know well but when it is a person I don't know I get really shy and don't know what to say especially when someone makes me feel uncomfortable. My Mum said I can't be weak and that's my problem she said I need to tell him if he doesn't stop I'll complain about him and show him that I am serious. I can'tdo that What I'd prefer to do is go to the pool and complain about him I'm afraid to go now that I know he watches me (he was able to tell me what colour my swimsuit was, what days I usually go on and who I went with on different days )

What livluv said...

This would be work place harrassment in Canada too. I would suggest telling your supervisor but before you do this make notes of what he said (with dates, times and witnesses). Write a letter complaint....if you need some help with what to say and write let me know - I have some suggestions.

No one should have to put up with that sort of treatment

 

[Laura M]

What livluv said...

This would be work place harrassment in Canada too. I would suggest telling your supervisor but before you do this make notes of what he said (with dates, times and witnesses). Write a letter complaint....if you need some help with what to say and write let me know - I have some suggestions.

No one should have to put up with that sort of treatment

Er.... I feel a bit funny about telling my supervisor because he is having an affair with my supervisor. What was embarrasing was he was telling the 2 boys in the canteen I wore a very low swimsuit (which isn't true) and telling them how low itwas and what he could see from his seatbecause he"has a great view from there" they started gawking at me and saying they would all want to go swimming with me now too. After a while one of them did say "No, I think you've gone a bit far now" and when he left he apologised and said "oh, he's a real ladies man, he can go too far sometimes". I don't want to kick up a huge fuss about it because the process for harrassment takes weeks/ months and my contractends in 5/ 6 weeks after which I think I'll be leaving anyway. I would just prefer him to stop with that sort of behaviour, whether he is joking or not I find it really embarrassing because he is a married man who is about 30+, im 19 (but they all think im 16 in work because i look so young ) and people really shouldn't speak like that to someone especially at work.

 

[fah]

Ok that really sucks but...

Men like that don't change and if said those things to you, you can be sure that he has probably said them to someone else too. It is never easy making a complaint against someone but even though your job ends in 5-6 weeks you will still be going to the pool and will run into him there.

Just to clarify, who said 'oh, he's a real ladies man, he can go too far sometimes'?

 

[Laura M]

Ok that really sucks but...

Men like that don't change and if said those things to you, you can be sure that he has probably said them to someone else too. It is never easy making a complaint against someone but even though your job ends in 5-6 weeks you will still be going to the pool and will run into him there.

Just to clarify, who said 'oh, he's a real ladies man, he can go too far sometimes'?

The boy who told him he was going to far & was on his break at the same time as me in the canteen said that.
I was thinking of just complaining about him at the pool. I haven't been swimming since he told me he worked there partly because I don't know what I'd do if I seen him staring at me and there's no way I can really cover up any more than I already do.

 

[fah]

If you don't want to go forward with a complaint at work then make one at the pool. Again, make sure you document what was said and how it made you feel.

If you are going to write a letter of complaint, phone the pool and ask for a supervisor. Tell them that you making a complaint and ask them for their name as you would like to send them your letter. Make sure you state in your letter what you would like done.

 

[TheBrazilianFly]

I'm really bad at being assertive especially in work. I'm having problems with a supervisor who works in the men's clothing shop next door (it's joined to our store because it's part of the samegroup and we share lockers/ canteen etc). He keeps making rude jokes at me and telling me and his staff about what I look like in a swimsuit (he works at the pool I go to, I didn't know this until he said he watched me there ) and making comments about my body which they find funny and I find really embarassing. He also keeps coming in to our shop to talk to me which I don't like. I'm not shy around people I know well but when it is a person I don't know I get really shy and don't know what to say especially when someone makes me feel uncomfortable. My Mum said I can't be weak and that's my problem she said I need to tell him if he doesn't stop I'll complain about him and show him that I am serious. I can'tdo that What I'd prefer to do is go to the pool and complain about him I'm afraid to go now that I know he watches me (he was able to tell me what colour my swimsuit was, what days I usually go on and who I went with on different days )

Oh my God that's horrible. Fucking report that bastard to your supervisor or to whoever is that you have to report him. He has gone WAY too far. Don't let that dumbass get away with this kind of attitude, it will teach him a lesson for sure!




In a lighter note something funny (not so funny actually) happened today in my collage. There was this big problem with the application so many people had to go to our "area supervisor" to fix things and see what we had to do. A line was formed, or at least it was supposed to be formed, after a while a lot of people started to just get in the line (not in the end) whenever they would find a friend and they would say their friend was "holding their spot". LIE!! Anyway there was a lot of fighting, I was in a shitty mood that I had to do all of this so I just decided to be quiet and let the things be sorted out so I just leaned against the wall and watched the "show", I instantly realized that it was the WOMEN that were actually taking a stand and sorting the situation out telling those people to go to the end of the line. I t was very cool, the people who were getting in the line wherever they wanted were mostly guys so it was funny, fun and cool to watch women kick their asses. A little later, numbers were given to the people to end the line thing (I was 46, I got in line at 8:30 and got out of that place at 12:30 still with a problem in my application!!!!!!!) while everybody was waiting to have their numbers called some dudes who think they so smart and the real deal tried to get in the office without a number and guess what!? The women went crazy on them, there was no name calling just plain attitude and anger! It was great except that I have to come back there at 5:00 PM!!

 

[najeena]

Back to Verte and what she said, I have the same problem. I can think of all the right things to do and say after the fact, when it's too late. One thing I do that helps me is to have sticky notes by the phone that say "NO" and "I CAN'T", and "PLEASE TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST". I say the last to every marketer, even though all I get are the charities (I need my money more than they do, at this point).

I did get an illegal call the other day, someone trying to sell me cremation services over the phone. I was so amazed I didn't ask for ID or a number so that I could tu them in for breaking the law. Actually, that's what I plan to do with my body when my soul is done with it, but I'm sure not going to buy it over the phone when I'm only in my forties. Once you get to this age, you're fair game for AARP and every other organization who can get your number.

 

[Sheltie]

Being assertive is something I had to learn and practice. Once you try it a few times it starts to come natural.