I Need Help...Anyone...Please...

[DaveC]

I just need to vent.

Here's the jist:

Basically, me and Rachel had sex for the first time on July 10th, we both lost our virginity, yada yada yada, we've done it once since then, back in mid-August. Problem was that that first time, her brother (yes, THAT brother) came home earlier than he was supposed to, and heard us upstairs in her room. We had no idea he heard, and we thought all was well. And yes, we used all the protection methods available to us.

So all was good. I was getting along fine with her parents, the whole "in the parents' house" thing was resolved (we had stopped), etc. Then, outta the blue, her brother mentions something in passing this morning before school when Peter (her dad) was banging around upstairs getting ready for work, about how it reminded him of me and Rachel, and her mom questioned the brother further, and basically he told her everything. Then, for proof, she went into Rachel's e-mail (without permission) and dug around till she found an e-mail I had sent a while back that mentioned it in passing. Her mom and dad sat her down at home, and lectured her and talked to her and yelled at her for 3 hours. Basically her and I can't do anything together alone ever again, her dad is ready to kill me, her parents have zero respect for me or her at this point, and her mom can't even look her in the eye. Rachel can't eat, she can't sleep, she can't stop crying...I feel like absolute shit right now.

I don't know what the hell to do. I feel like I should talk to her parents ASAP, but I know that all they'll do is deride me and yell at me. My parents don't know, and I feel like I should be telling them, but the problem there is that if I do tell them, 100% guaranteed they will forbid me from ever seeing Rachel again, and that's the last thing I want. I just don't know... I mean, we did think about the consequences, and we figured that eventually they'd find out somehow, but not like this. I don't know what to do...

I feel like shit right now, like the lowest scum of the Earth.

 

[bonosloveslave]

They definitely need time to cool off before you try to talk to them.

This is one of the many reasons I waited til I was married, no regrets.

 

[adamswildhoney]

I would just let things cool off and maybe(as much as it might suck and it will be hard) just dont talk or see Rachel for a few days, but of course tell Rachel that you want to cool it for a while.

 

[DaveC]

I would just let things cool off and maybe(as much as it might suck and it will be hard) just dont talk or see Rachel for a few days, but of course tell Rachel that you want to cool it for a while.

No. I refuse to ditch Rachel at all at a time like this. No matter what happens I am gonna do my damnedest to work this out somehow.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

wow. i don't know what to say. other than to let the air clear. my aunt found out her 18 yr. old son was having sex because she came home early and found his girlfriends underware in her bedroom. she approached her son and didn't lay into but just lectured him on the consequences of doing something like this so young. gave the std talk, the pregnancy talk and the emotional talk. she promised not to tell the girlfriend's parents, but needless to say everyone is very uncomfortable with this discovery. she did lay the law of the house down and stated they are not to be by themselves at all anymore in his parents home. but since they are both technically adults they can do what they want, but she wanted to make sure they understood the responsibilities of their actions.

i would stay clear of her parents for a while. but know this it may not be a pretty conversation once you are able to talk to them.

 

[hiphop]

If it was legally possible (i.e. if you were both adult), you should just make a short trip to a nice wellness hotel or the beach with her, so you have time to focus on each other and to talk about the situation, and basically to enjoy life instead of having to talk to stupid parents.

Since I assume you?re not 18 yet, ... try to talk to her. Don?t waste a thought on her parents, and tell her to relax, try to make her feel comfortable.

You will work this out who cares about them anyway in regards to that matter? Its not their business.

 

[Mr. BAW]

Dave - no speech this time but you knew that sooner or later the two of you would get caught; little did you think that it would be through the mouth of the little brother! To parents, it didn't come down to the fact that the two of you practiced safe sex, its the fact that it happened and again, it happened in their house...by now I've gotten to read your story and I sympathize with both you and Rachel...I'm not passing judgements this time around but you should just cool it awhile...if you really love each as as you claim, you'll both be there in the end and you'll find ways to communicate...regarding your post of 090303..."her parents love me" ...let them have some rest...by not approaching them at this time does not show fear or being timid, it shows respect and they deserve that for the time being...

What I do not agree with is the fact that the mom went through the computer; yes, its probably bought with their $$ but its still trespassing...we're all entitled to some privacy..

It will all work out...

Friends, Mr. B

 

[adamswildhoney]

No. I refuse to ditch Rachel at all at a time like this. No matter what happens I am gonna do my damnedest to work this out somehow.

I didnt say ditch her, I said you should think about letting things air out and definately you should talk to Rachel to see what she thinks should happen.

 

[U2zoogirl]

I would be in the same situation if my parents realize that I had sex with my exb. It's hard for them to know that we have autonomy over our bodies and minds, and, in my case, they really expect me to wait until I'll get married, and they are very clear and estrict about it .I'm 20 but i'm still afraid of what would happen if my parents discover that i'm not virgin...

I know you are worried about Rachel, and she needs you. Sometimes i think what would I do if that happens to me, and I found the two ideas that the other interferencers wrote: yes, I would like to let the things cool off, but also I'd want to feel that I can still trust my bf, and he will stay with me. obviously that's contradictory and confusing, but I'm sure that you have to support each other. don't talk with her parents for a while if you want to, but don't leave her alone

It won't be easy to talk to her parents, i guess, and you'll have to touch the ground before that

bye (and please forgive my bad english)

lore

 

[Sicy]

This reminds me of my first relationship. We were both teens. His mom caught me in his room one morning and went absolutely insane. She forbid him to see me. He did not give up and he did everything he could to see me and stay with me and we stayed together for 5 years. His parents ended up loving me.

Just let it cool down for a bit like everyone suggested. It just takes time. Maybe try later to have an adult discussion with her parents. It's a pretty hard situation but dont beat yourself up about it. This is part of growing up. That's pretty crappy that her mom broke into her email. Her mom should have tried to talk to her about it straight up.

Good luck.. it will all work out.

 

[Laura M]

Her parents will probably cool down with time.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Its a difficult situation for all of you and passing any judgement is not only not helpful, but not our place to do so. This is a tough time for all 3 of you, her parents, Rachel and yourself. You and Rachel are in that tough time regardless of this situation where you are slowly but surely leaving childhood and the teenage years behind and entering adulthood. It is not only hard for you both to make decisions, but equally and for different reasons, hard for her parents too. Their fears and so on are borne of love and caring for their daughter and you obviously respect that. Half your battle is already given a head start by that. No matter what the outcome, whether this relationship does not make it through, or if they have long term ill will toward you and what happens; you have the right outlook. They may never get to hear from you your feelings on it but that doesn't mean it is not there within you. In that regard you are on the right track. It is also commendable that you are not willing to leave her alone to deal with this. It shows something of your character and you ought to be proud. Many young men for whatever reason high tail it out of a relationship when the going gets tough, but with your ethic it will serve you well in the long run.
It is also commendable that your first desire is to talk to them. While you may very well be afraid of the outcome, your gumption is a good trait. They do though, have their own reasons for reacting as they have and might not want to talk to you for at least the short term. Unfortunately even adulthood doesn't automatically give us immunity and an ability to deal with difficult situations. They may not ever be willing to sit and talk with you both as adults. They've most likely just had their first real evidence of their daughter's growing up. It is painful for them and you may be an easy target for them to direct their anger on.
It is always going to be yours and rache's relationship, despite it possibly going against their wishes for their daughter. If they are of the view it should be for marriage only or that her age is far too young, this will be an ongoing issue. Not one that can be sorted out in a few conversations over coffee. If you and Rachel are sure this is right for you, you must be prepared to face a possibly long conflict on this. If you both decide you can wait, you can hope her parents will accept you can do this and allow your relationship to continue.
From reading what you have said here it sounds like there is way more to your relationship than a casual first encounter and sex is not the main priority. You'll need a lot of patience for yourself Rachel and her parents as well. There's likely to be anger and resentment showing from all sides over this and a harmonious resolution is not always easy to achieve. Take it slow Dave. You have all the time in the world. All the best.

 

[meegannie]

Wow. I can't put it any better than Angela Harlem put it.

to you, though.

 

[martha]

Dave, you're not scum.


Consider talking to your parents about this. Just consider it. They may be able to support you, since you need someone to talk to about this. It's not as if you were only wanting sex out of the relationship; you appear to love and respect Rachel. I'd steer clear of her parents for a while; they're pissed and rightfully so. Nobody, but nobody wants to hear about their teenage daughter's sex life from the little brother. Let them cool down, and when you do have a chance to talk to them, be extra respectful and attentive to what they say.

And learn from this experience. Discretion is an important part of sex. Even for the old folks. Always know who's in the other room.

 

[nbcrusader]

I just noticed this thread today, sorry if the response is late.

Dave,

What do you want to accomplish at this point? If this is a relationship you want to grow, you probably should sit down, with Rachel, and talk to her parents. You've lost their trust, it is time to work to restore their trust.

 

[DaveC]

Consider talking to your parents about this. Just consider it. They may be able to support you, since you need someone to talk to about this.

Not happening. I considered it, and then realized that my mom would just lose it and go off on me, forbid me to see Rachel ever again, and essentially confine me to my room for the next month or two. No exaggeration. That's how my mom is.

Anyways, I'm going over to her place tomorrow night, to have "the talk" with her parents. Hopefully I'll escape with my life intact.

 

[Mr. BAW]

The Force be with you!

 

[martha]

At least you did consider it. That's all I wanted.

Good luck tomorrow night. Be respectful of them, Rachel, and yourself.

 

[HeartlandGirl]

Good luck, Dave.

 

[mandy1973]

Hey, just found this post Dave, you poor thing. I really feel for your situation, I'm not too old to remember what it's like being a teenager with all those hormones racing around. I came within 2 minutes of getting caught 'with' my boyfriend when I was 18 - scared the crap out of me.
Anyhow, all the best talking with your girlfriends parents, I hope they are understanding and reasonable and can still remember what it's like to be young and in love.
Good Luck

 

[hiphop]

So, what?s new, pussycat?