i lied today

[yertle-the-turtle]

in a nutshell - i had $30 today, some deaf-mute guy (with a legitimate looking sign) asked me to buy a $2 stuffed toy outside the train station. i signed that i didn't have money and left...to buy a couple of cds. i had $1.50 left.

i feel pretty selfish.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

thing is, you never know about these sort of things. i probably would have done the same thing.

 

[BAW]

Don't feel bad about it...you don't know where the money was going.

 

[IWasBored]

in the town about 10 miles away, it's impossible to walk down the street to the cd shop without having at least 3 people ask you for money. i know how you feel, i've done that before.

 

[melon]

I think it's a known scam actually.

Melon

 

[cell]

i hate when those people ask me for money. here i am struggling, and whatever money i have leftover, i feel i should spend it on myself or my daughter. most of the time i ignore them. pretty mean huh. well, ok im not that mean, i do give to some on occasion...but the way i look at it, i donate my clothing, money and food to my local church to be sent to mexico or the local homeless shelter. i dont like panhandlers. i've had some bad experiences with them.

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

our city has a huge panhandler problem. the one time i've been stopped by a guy we gave him like 2 bucks, but ordinarily i won't give them anything (cuz i avoid carrying my purse when i'm downtown). so many of those people are lying and scamming (either they're not really as destitute as it seems, like they have a house and stuff, or they just use it for booze) there's no point. they were talking about it on the news, and this guy was all ticked off because they arrested him here for panhandling.

i feel guilty, but i try not to. i donate to charity (with money and any clothing and stuff we don't need) so i'm not heartless or anything.

 

[Diemen]

The bay area is full of panhandlers. I've caught several people selling me the same "my car broke down and I just need some money to get a place to stay for the night" story more than once. The trouble is it actually sounds convincing at first, and you might feel bad for turning them down, but when you hear it from the same person a week later you don't feel quite so bad.

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

The bay area is full of panhandlers. I've caught several people selling me the same "my car broke down and I just need some money to get a place to stay for the night" story more than once. The trouble is it actually sounds convincing at first, and you might feel bad for turning them down, but when you hear it from the same person a week later you don't feel quite so bad.

OH!!!! that happened to my mom and husband. they were coming out of a store by the mall (this is a good part of town btw), and this guy came up to them saying he ran out of gas and needed $3. if they gave him $3, he'd give them his watch.

luckily, they were both like "wtf" and said they didn't have it. that had to be the dumbest ploy i'd ever heard of. there are two gas stations that are literally half to a quarter or a block away. if his story was true, then he could've asked the gas attendant or something if he could barter his watch for a couple gallons of gas.

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

I think it's better to give panhandlers food, buy their reaction you can tell whether they're scamming people or not.

 

[cell]

i used to do that all the time. most of the time the panhandlers would say, no thats alright then walk away real fast. i've had a few people actually say yes to me buying them food.

 

[BAW]

We've had several bad experiences trying to help people who claimed to be down on their luck so we try not to give them money...we've taken people into McDonald's and bought them lunch and we've given away restaurant leftovers many, many times.

About 10 years ago, we were leaving a pizza place and had a few boxes of leftovers. A homeless man approached us and asked for money, saying he was hungry. Wanting to teach our kids a lesson about helping people out, we tried to give him the leftover food but he slapped it away and yelled "I don't want that shit, I want money."

A few weeks ago, we noticed a homeless woman who spent her days in front of a grocery store near our house so one day my husband approached her and asked if she needed any money for food. She gave him a dirty look and told him that she didn't need his money but if he wanted to give it to her, she'd take it. He didn't want to give it to her at that point but handed her $5 anyway. She kind of snorted and snatched it out of his hand. He didn't expect any gratitude but a simple thank you would have been nice.

I'm really careful about who I'll help and I can usually smell a scam. I won't give people money for gas or bus fare...I've been taken a few times that way.

 

[melon]

I rarely give, mostly because I'm tired of it. I give a few times, usually only when I'm cornered and, at that, it is never more than the change in my pocket.

Of course I feel bad, but they need more help than I can provide, and, besides, if I gave money to everyone who asked, I would be on the streets with them. But I've heard the gas line more than once.

Now that it is warm in Boston, there are homeless people all over the place around Boston Common and some in Downtown Crossing. The area, as I was told, was derisively called a "combat zone" in the early 1990s. I have to hope that it doesn't happen again. What a fantastic economy we have, eh?

All the reason I think I want to live back in the country someday.

Melon

 

[pub crawler]

Random thoughts:

I dunno, I agree that it's a tough situation to figure out and that it's easy to feel guilty about not giving and maybe we shouldn't feel guilty, but I also think that the struggle with giving to the needy is a struggle with our own hearts and has less to do with what the recipient is going to do with the money.

Most of the time I don't give. Sometimes I do give.

A few weeks ago, there were some people from an (apparently) Christian or homeless shelter organization out front of the market. When they asked for money, I told them I knew of a similar organization (who also stood with white buckets in front of markets) in San Diego when I lived there and I knew that those who did the soliciting for this San Diego organization weren't really technically homeless (There was a story done on them in the local independent paper. They lived in a sort of adult "hostel"). So I told the current group that I didn't want to give to them for that reason. They promised me that they were legit and had a license, although they didn't show it to me and I didn't ask.

I finally gave them a dollar while announcing that "I'm probably a fool." They promised me I wasn't.

Char, it sounds like you guys give a lot, or at least try to. I admire your giving spirit. Maybe I'll think of that next time I'm ready to brush a panhandler off.

 

[Klaus]

i used to think "i have no idea what they do with the money so i don't give something to them".
One day a homeless asked me for one bite of the sanwich i was eating, i gave her my food completely.

Without a real reason that has changed something inside me, sometimes i give money now, sometimes not, it's not about rational reasons, just the feeling if i believe them or not.

one of the good things about social market economy is that we don't see verry much of them on the road.

Klaus

 

[ABEL]

The bay area is full of panhandlers. I've caught several people selling me the same "my car broke down and I just need some money to get a place to stay for the night" story more than once....

I heard the same story tonite...my friend and I had stopped at the drug store Before going to Fencing Class because her lips were dry and she didn't have anything for her lips with her. As we come out of the store, this guy asks for some gas money because his car broke down and he lived in Duncanville, which is a suburb south of Dallas. I had $15 on me, but I told the guy sorry, but all I had with me was my check card. Then he asked if we had change so he could at least make a phone call....I didn't have any change at all in my purse, only bills, but my friend gave him some pocket change from her car. Maybe he was telling the truth, but it's hard to tell.

Dallas has just recently passed some laws banning panhandling. I'm not sure if the laws are in effect now or not yet. I think it's a good idea, but they're still going to try to get their money doing just what this guy did, asking for gas money, etc.

Granted, I wouldn't have had a problem at all giving someone 35 cents to make a phone call if I'd had the change. Or like Klaus said in his reply, I'd have no problem giving a homeless person some food, or a blanket, or some old clothes or something. That would be better than giving them money which they'd most likely just use on drugs or whatever. I know not all are out to get drug money, and it depends on the situation.

It's funny tho when they try to get you coming out of the store and think you'd have cash on you and try to get money that way...I think I'd be less likely to give someone money in that situation, like the guy at the the store tonite.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I honestly dont know what's worse, beggars or charities. Either way I feel awful for saying I dont have money on me. With beggars, especially back when I used to work in the welfare field I'd often say to them "I dont have any money but I'd gladly help you get in contact with an agency or people that can give you a lot more help than I can". These days, I dont have as many contacts and whatever in relevant organisations, but it sure did seperate very quickly those who were genuine and those who weren't. I have a possibly irrational fear as well, if I ever do pull my wallet out top hand over a few dollars to someone, they might end up mugging me. When I give anything, its only because I have change in my pocket.

Its sad how untrusting society is. I wish I wasn't like this.