I keep doubting myself

[Doozer61]

The past 2 years of my life have been tough. I was in a long-term relationship that ended in Feb 2003. We continued to live together until July 2003 and continued to have a very close relationship until February of this year, when we decided to "break-up" again. We have both moved on in the past couple of months but I keep wondering if I made the right decisions and choices in my life.

I was going through a box the other day and found wedding pictures and cards from the last two years of our relationship. I have spent the better part of the last 3 days crying and doubting everything I have done and everything I didn't do. I feel so lost right now. And, tomorrow night we have decided to have a "closure" ceremony with our reverend. I have to write something and everytime I try, I end up back at self-doubt again.

 

[MooMoo!]

self doubt, somthing i and lots of people live with everyday of our lives. dont worry, choises are there to be made, whether they're the right ones or not. its better to regret about somthing you have done rather than somthing you havent.

 

[TheBrazilianFly]

Maybe you should think about the reasons that made you guys brake up and maybe find out what he/she feels about the whole situation. Maybe he/she is in doubts too.

 

[meegannie]

Maybe you should think about the reasons that made you guys brake up and maybe find out what he/she feels about the whole situation. Maybe he/she is in doubts too.

I guess you need to figure out whether your doubts are over the relationship ending (being single again, etc.) or over the relationship with that particular person ending.

 

[Doozer61]

I guess you need to figure out whether your doubts are over the relationship ending (being single again, etc.) or over the relationship with that particular person ending.

because i do have moments of clarity when i know that we were both not happy. i guess it is just the memories haunting me and causing me to doubt the path i have chosen.

 

[Angela Harlem]

 

[samralf]

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

 

[TheBrazilianFly]

LarryMullen's_POPAngel got the coolest avatar ever.

 

[wolfeden]

The fear is real, don't beat yourself up for feeling it... but don't let it kill you either...
I think the ceremony you mentioned is a good idea; it will give you a finalization, a springboard to truly move on from.
That you are having trouble writing out what you want to say isn't surprising... i think you should say exactly that.
"writing this was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do..." ...write about how afraid and alone it makes you feel and what it makes you doubt about yourself. It may not end up being what you say at the ceremony but writing it all out might at least help you sort out what you really do feel, and give you something to distill your final passage from.

It's a hard place to be; I feel for ya.
Try to hang on and remember there will be better days ahead.....

 

[Doozer61]

I finally did write! Check out my journal for what I will say tonight at my closure ceremony. After all the blockage, it poured out of me at lunch today in about 10 minutes.