I have to vent

[YBORCITY]

My wife has been ill for the good part of the last eight years. She is not able to go out of the house on most days. She has a mental illness that has disabled her and has stopped allowing us to even come close to a normal life or marriage. I wanted to have children so bad and now it's too late, she's 6 years older than me. Part of her illness is that she can't take any medication for this and she obviously can't see any Doctor's on an outpatient basis. We are lucky enough to live where there's a center for mental illness that allows therapists to go have home visits. We have someone come to the house 1-2 times a week and for the most part she let's her in. This has become a very hard situation for me and has effected every part of my life. For the most part I thought I could deal with just about anything but this has become way too much for me to handle. Some days I just don't know what to do.

I pray for a miracle but in my heart I'm losing faith.

Sorry if this post bummed any one out but sometimes I like to just let it out.

 

[Sicy]

I'm sorry I cant imagine having to deal with something like that on a daily basis. You are a strong soul. Is there someone you can talk to? Maybe some kind of counseling to help you in dealing with it? Do you have friends or family members you can talk to about it?

Good luck to you

 

[Mr. BAW]

The illness of a spouse or partner is something that all of us here may realize at some point in our lives; you have apparently experienced this at an extremely young age.

This Interference group will provide you with the support you need; I pray that your wife heals and that you continue your love for her in these trying times.

 

[tiggytoos]

What a dreadful situation to have to live with! It sounds like you have gone above and beyond and done everything in your power to help your wife. Does she have any other family members who can/are willing to help?? At some point you need to be thinking about yourself and how much of your own life is being sacrificed. You deserve happiness and unless some changes are made, it doesn't look like you are going to find any in this situation. It made be time to look into alternate care plans so that you can start to move ahead with your own life. Good luck to you, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[The Disciple]

The prayers of a fellow Bay-Area family are with U..... God Bless, hang in there.

 

[Windmilllane]

 

[For Honor]

Wow, that is some serious stuff. I hope you can find the best course and take it. I don't know what I would do if something happened to the one I loved...

I really don't know what to say.

But my heart goes out to you

 

[Bonochick]

She is so lucky that she has someone like you. It's not important for you to know what to do. I'd bet everything I have that she appreciates you simply being there for her and loving her. You have no idea how many people would not deal with someone like that. You're a remarkable person.

 

[verte76]

Damn, that's a tough situation to be in. You seem to be a really strong person, and she's lucky that she has you to help her.

 

[Maggie1]

When a family member has a mental illness it can be an emotional drain on everyone. I know because I have a cousin who has a mental illness. Eventhough I don't live with her, we are all effected by the problem. Its almost as if their problem becomes yours and they begin to almost take over your life.
I would suggest contacting some sort of support group and maybe find someone to stay with her while you take a break.

 

[Numb1075]

God bless my friend, you have a strong character. I believe that things will work out for you; just stay strong !

 

[Mrs. Edge]

You poor guy, how awful. I don't know what I'd do in your situation, it's very unfair. You will get a lot of support here that's for sure. I hope there is some way that you can get some much deserved time to take care of yourself.

 

[U2Girl1978]

Wow, I just don't know what to say except I'm sorry and I hope things somehow get better for you.

 

[the soul waits]

 

[VertigoGal]

I'm thinking of you. I can't imagine what I'd do in a situation like that. She's lucky to be married to someone so dedicated. I really hope things get better for you.

 

[YBORCITY]

I have to say a heartfelt thank you to all of you. I was very cautious about writing this, I wasn't sure if this was an appropriate forum to bring this up.

I want to maybe say some things about some of the comments that were posted.

At the onset of this I'm the type of person who has to get all of the info I can about things, I bought books went back to school for some Psych courses talked to a number of Mental Health advisors, I really wanted to be able to understand what was happening so that maybe I'd be able to combat this and help her. I even joined a support group for family members with loved ones that have mental illness. All of these things helped me to get through. I even joined a lobbying group that is headquartered in Wash. DC that pressures congress to fund mental illness programs. Unfortunately under this Administration there has been massive cuts in this issue. Believe me when I say that I'm not politically motivated at all and if I offended anyone it is not to be taken that way.

All of these things actually really helped me for the longest time but after a while this had a profound effect on me. I became very depressed and sought the advice of a therapist.

I go out and go on vacations by myself and stuff like that but I didn't get married to end up pretty much going and doing everything by myself. It can be very frustrating as you can imagine.

Well anyway I thank you all for all of your kind words, I have to say that you all probably don't realize how much you've lifted me God Bless you all.

 

[Numb1075]

thanks for getting back to us YBORCITYOBL....keep doing what you can to help your wife and help yourself....things will work out.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Well it sounds like you do so much to try to understand and help your wife, she's very lucky to have someone like you

Best of luck w/ everything, I admire your strength and your dedication to your wife

 

[u2granny]

 

[tiggytoos]

 

[Russty Cat]

YBORCITYOBL Your are such a great husband! I can imagine what you must feel like. My husband is in a similar situation. I have a physical illness and clinical depression that makes it very hard for us to do much together anymore. I often think that I wouldn't blame him if he left me. Luckily like you he is an amazing man that does all he can to be a loving husband.

We've also delt with mental illness in our family. My brother is mentally ill and has not delt with it well at all. It is very hard to live with someone who doesn't cope well at all. He has never married, due to it. Most women after a while can't tolerate all the stress that comes with it.

I'll be praying for you! Hang in there. I wish I had some answers for you, but know that there are people out there who understand and do care. Vent anytime you need too! I find it helps.

 

[VertigoGal]

I sort of know what you mean in one sense...I know a few people who got so deeply involved in certain support groups, etc...that it just overwhelmed them.

Good luck

 

[Angela Harlem]

What kind of mental illness is it, can I ask? I kept thinking you were describing the crippling fear of leaving the house that some people face, but that is not it if it is an actual diagnosed mental illness.

I do hope you both have the strength to keep going, to find an answer that will help her live a normal life and you both to experience your marriage in a new way.

 

[YBORCITY]

What kind of mental illness is it, can I ask? I kept thinking you were describing the crippling fear of leaving the house that some people face, but that is not it if it is an actual diagnosed mental illness.

I do hope you both have the strength to keep going, to find an answer that will help her live a normal life and you both to experience your marriage in a new way.

She has OCD/Agoraphobia. I'm REALLY bumming out big-time today. A long weekend is upon us and we used to go out to the beach for the whole weekend. It seems so long ago - it actually kinda is.

Thank you all for your supportive words - I can't convey my appreciation enough!!

 

[Angela Harlem]

How are the options in Florida, for dealing with phobias? I can only speak for here (aus) but I know there are a few different ways of approaching it. Do you even have the energy anymore to keep fighting it? I cant imagine how insurmountable this must seem. I really cant. You both must be so strong, even your wife who has to live with constant fear. Keep talking if you want to, we're here in thought for you mate.

 

[Diane L]

Please know that I'm hoping for the best for you and your wife.

 

[YBORCITY]

Thanks Diane and to you all for all the kindness, I didn't really mean to create something like this - I sometimes feel the need to let off some steam.

 

[For Honor]

That's why Zoo was created. IT's okay to let it out from time to time. It's healthy.



Best wishes

 

[Numb1075]

Go to town, vent as much as you want.......I've got HUGE issues in my life as well right now and I have vented here and it has helped a little bit.