U2isthebest
ONE love, blood, life
This is going to be really long and random, so be forewarned.
As the title says, I really have no idea where this is going. I just feel like there's so much crap I need to get off my chest ASAP. I might as well I dive right in by saying; I'm afraid. I've always been more of a worrier than most, but for the past 9 or 10 months it's been worse than ever. I feel like I fear every thing imaginable. I'm constantly afraid that something's going to happen to me, (i.e sickness, accident, other random unfortuante event etc.) and I don't know why. I go back and forth between periods of time where I'm relatively calm and sure that I'll be ok, and times when I basically have full-on panic attacks thinking something horrible is about to happen. I get the hyperventilating, the pains, the dizziness, everything that accompanies them for a few minutes, then they go away for awhile. Everything I see on the news or read about concerning sickness convinces me I have it. If I see something about an accident or tragic event, I'm afraid it'll happen to me. When I try to talk to my family, they tell me to get over it and just stop being afraid, but it's not that simple. You can't just get over a physical issue, so an emotional/mental issue isn't something that can just be overcome by a snap of the fingers, so to speak. I feel like I can't really tell my friends for reasons I can't even articulate. I just feel like it would ruin the good-times, carefree college life we're all supposed to be living. I think the not talking is the worst part. I've mentioned it to my friends and had a few ok conversations about it, but I don't think they get it. I just need someone to actually talk to where I can just release all the questions, thoughts, and observations that I've had come to me during this time. Over the past year and a half, my mother was diagnosed with cancer (she's been in remission since the end of last Decemer, thank God), my parents got divorced, I've moved out of the only home I'd lived in my entire life, I moved away to collegeand then back home (to a new house, same city) to transfer schools. My grandpa found out a few months ago that a lump he'd had on his arm for over a year turned out to be cancerous. However, they were able to remove it all with surgery, so he won't have to go through any cancer treatments like my mom did. A few weeks ago, my grandma fell and broke her elbow, fractured her shoulder, and broke a bone in her arm. While in the hospital to have surgery on it, she found out she has diabetes and high blood pressure. She's always been quite a healthy eater, so it was a surprise. One of my best friends had a health scare as well. While these events all freaked me out initally, I feel as though I almost numbed myself to them without realizing it. I'm wondering if I'm transferring every thing that's happened to my family and friends over the past year or so onto me because it was too shocking for me to deal with at the time. Sometimes I think, all these sicknesses, or other problems came out of nowhere. What if I'm next? I think that thinking along with just the repression of all the feelings and issues that came along with all that happened in my life are causing my own paralyzing fear right now. I've also undergone a big change in my spiritual life, and that puts me at odds with my Christian Conservative family. I'm still a Believer, but a lot of my theological beliefs are vastly different, and I'm constantly told how wrong I am, how I'll be punished by God etc. I can't stand feeling this way anymore. I can't stand being afraid to do anything, feeling anxious about a night out with my friends because something might happen, or being afraid to go to work etc. I hate thinking every little pain I get is a sign of some serious illness. A quote from Bono just popped into my head from a Rolling Stone article around the Elevation era. He's talking about a passage from The Bible where Jesus says, "He that loves his life shall lose it." Bono goes on to say something along the lines of, (and I'm paraphrasing), "When I was young I remember being confused by this because I loved life. Now I realize He's saying you can hold on to your life so tight, you're incapable of doing anything with it. It's about fear." That's how I feel. I genuinely love life, God, my family, my friends, but my fear is preventing me from moving anywhere. I'm sorry this is so rambling, anxious, and confused, but that's where I am right now. I just needed some sort of catharsis, and I figured this was the best place to let it out. Thanks in advance to anyone who's brave enough to read this!
As the title says, I really have no idea where this is going. I just feel like there's so much crap I need to get off my chest ASAP. I might as well I dive right in by saying; I'm afraid. I've always been more of a worrier than most, but for the past 9 or 10 months it's been worse than ever. I feel like I fear every thing imaginable. I'm constantly afraid that something's going to happen to me, (i.e sickness, accident, other random unfortuante event etc.) and I don't know why. I go back and forth between periods of time where I'm relatively calm and sure that I'll be ok, and times when I basically have full-on panic attacks thinking something horrible is about to happen. I get the hyperventilating, the pains, the dizziness, everything that accompanies them for a few minutes, then they go away for awhile. Everything I see on the news or read about concerning sickness convinces me I have it. If I see something about an accident or tragic event, I'm afraid it'll happen to me. When I try to talk to my family, they tell me to get over it and just stop being afraid, but it's not that simple. You can't just get over a physical issue, so an emotional/mental issue isn't something that can just be overcome by a snap of the fingers, so to speak. I feel like I can't really tell my friends for reasons I can't even articulate. I just feel like it would ruin the good-times, carefree college life we're all supposed to be living. I think the not talking is the worst part. I've mentioned it to my friends and had a few ok conversations about it, but I don't think they get it. I just need someone to actually talk to where I can just release all the questions, thoughts, and observations that I've had come to me during this time. Over the past year and a half, my mother was diagnosed with cancer (she's been in remission since the end of last Decemer, thank God), my parents got divorced, I've moved out of the only home I'd lived in my entire life, I moved away to collegeand then back home (to a new house, same city) to transfer schools. My grandpa found out a few months ago that a lump he'd had on his arm for over a year turned out to be cancerous. However, they were able to remove it all with surgery, so he won't have to go through any cancer treatments like my mom did. A few weeks ago, my grandma fell and broke her elbow, fractured her shoulder, and broke a bone in her arm. While in the hospital to have surgery on it, she found out she has diabetes and high blood pressure. She's always been quite a healthy eater, so it was a surprise. One of my best friends had a health scare as well. While these events all freaked me out initally, I feel as though I almost numbed myself to them without realizing it. I'm wondering if I'm transferring every thing that's happened to my family and friends over the past year or so onto me because it was too shocking for me to deal with at the time. Sometimes I think, all these sicknesses, or other problems came out of nowhere. What if I'm next? I think that thinking along with just the repression of all the feelings and issues that came along with all that happened in my life are causing my own paralyzing fear right now. I've also undergone a big change in my spiritual life, and that puts me at odds with my Christian Conservative family. I'm still a Believer, but a lot of my theological beliefs are vastly different, and I'm constantly told how wrong I am, how I'll be punished by God etc. I can't stand feeling this way anymore. I can't stand being afraid to do anything, feeling anxious about a night out with my friends because something might happen, or being afraid to go to work etc. I hate thinking every little pain I get is a sign of some serious illness. A quote from Bono just popped into my head from a Rolling Stone article around the Elevation era. He's talking about a passage from The Bible where Jesus says, "He that loves his life shall lose it." Bono goes on to say something along the lines of, (and I'm paraphrasing), "When I was young I remember being confused by this because I loved life. Now I realize He's saying you can hold on to your life so tight, you're incapable of doing anything with it. It's about fear." That's how I feel. I genuinely love life, God, my family, my friends, but my fear is preventing me from moving anywhere. I'm sorry this is so rambling, anxious, and confused, but that's where I am right now. I just needed some sort of catharsis, and I figured this was the best place to let it out. Thanks in advance to anyone who's brave enough to read this!
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It's uncanny. I have the thoughts of a full-blown hypochondriac quite regularly. I once thought the lymph nodes on my neck were cancerous lumps. 
" So I perhaps cannot offer any good advice to you regarding your anxiety. Sorry 
That's ok about you having different anxiety issues. I mean, I know some people that rarely have any kind of major fear. They struggle with different things. We've all got our thorns in the flesh. It's just great to know that you're here!
All this will eventually fade and you'll come out a stronger person, I'm confident of that. Like I said, I've been where you are now, so I get it. If you want advice, I got it. If you want to ramble, you're talking to the best 
