I have a habit of letting people use me.

[MooMoo!]

especially friends. maybe im more considerate than most, so maybe i notice more, but people just seem to take advantage of my good nature.
and the worst thing is they probably dont even realise what theyre doing is wrong.

 

[I'm Ready]

example?

 

[MooMoo!]

well, today my best friend was sposed to be coming over, i asked her several times if she was SURE she was coming, and asked her again the night before to which she said yes. she was sposed to be geting the bus to my house after a driving lesson so i was waiting for the bus. she wasnt on it

ok i think, maybe she missed it and got the next one...(from this time until she actually answers it im ringing her phone BTW)

so the next bus comes, she isnt on that either.

about an hour passes, and eventually i get though to her. (i got though twice before, but seemed to get cut off after saying hello) i ask where she is, she says home, theres no point going to mine now. (even though shes the one who wanted to go) and i say i thought she was having a driving lesson and that there are plenty more busses to mine. but apparantly theres no point. so i say why didnt you ring, she says theres something wrong with her phone. (strange, how on this particular day theres something wrong with it when it was fine every other time shes had it. ) so why cant she use her home phone? oh but wait, shes got to go.

she never even attempted at letting me know she wasnt coming. it just really pisses me off, i waited nearly an hour and a half for her, and shes had plenty of time to let me know.

its not even the fact she couldnt come, its the fact she thinks its ok to just leave me in the dark.

i bet she doesnt even realise shes done anything wrong either. she'll either give a forced apology or go in a mood and not talk to me until i have to apologise for something i didnt do wrong. if i can never make it i always call her or let her know. its not so much to ask is it?

may seem pety, but its not the only thing she does. just little things, like borrowing stuff and never giving it back.


oh, and another non-friend example would be in a charity shop a few weeks ago, but unless you want to hear it i wont bother typing it out.

 

[Tilli]

Perhaps you need to be a little tougher with this friend. Maybe you should stop lending her things. When she asks for something explain to her that you'd rather not as when you have lent things in the past they have not been returned. The most important thing is asserting yourself and once you say no, stick to it even if you find it difficult to do at first.

It can be quite hard to do this, especially if you have a generous nature. However, maybe if you start with something like this it will help you to be more confident in saying no to people or in asserting yourself a little more in other situations. The most difficult thing is not letting your friends or others guilt trip you into backing down or feeling that you need to give in to keep the peace.

 

[4EVRU2]

I have a friend who is generous by nature and can be taken advantage of; she's always giving me rides to the store, etc. 'cos I don't have a car, but I always ask nicely and let her know how much I appreciate it and she lets me know she knows I need the help, etc. and she's willing to do it, but other people have "borrowed" money and forgotten to pay it back, assumed because she has a good job, she can afford to buy coffee for everyone, etc. stuff like that and I feel guilty 'cos I am unable to pay her back for all the things she does for me but tell her she should just put her foot down, etc. with all these other people.
You're right, many people don't realize they're doing what they're doing, but if YOU'RE aware, it's up to you to put a stop to it. 'Cos I also look at it this way: if a person is doing something for someone else and says nothing about it bothering her, then she's just as accountable, oui?

 

[MooMoo!]

wel i do often tell her that im annoyed cos i never get my stuff back, but that usually makes her go in a huff. which i really cant understand, if anything she should be apologising shouldnt she?

she does offer to lend me money and that, but i never take it cos i know i may not be able to pay her back.

perhaps ill have to be more stern in future then. i am the sort of person who compromises to keep the peace, so it may be a little difficult. but ill try.

what shall i do now then? i am pissed off at her but im willing to forgive, i really doubt ill get an apology off her, and if i say anything to her now then ill be giving in again.

 

[unforgettableFOXfire]

I don't have many friends who do stuff like that to me... mostly because I tell them to fuck off and then ignore them until they get the point. Life is too short to surround yourself with manipulative assholes -- or, at least, that's how I see it.

 

[4EVRU2]

Hear, hear!!

 

[zoobeatle]

I once lent someone £ 350 because they were behind on their rent, they promised they would pay me back weekly but they never did and i learnt my lesson and now i dont lend anyone money. youve got to be hard-hearted sometimes.

 

[MooMoo!]

I don't have many friends who do stuff like that to me... mostly because I tell them to fuck off and then ignore them until they get the point. Life is too short to surround yourself with manipulative assholes -- or, at least, that's how I see it.

dont get me wrong, shes my best friend for a reason, just times like these that really piss me off.

i always have to make the first step at making up even if it isnt my fault.

 

[Tilli]

I would suggest maybe taking the first step in asserting yourself with this friend and not apologising or making the first move this time. You have to let her know that her behaviour has annoyed you - in apologising you're effectively saying that it is ok for her to do this again and again.

Sometimes you have to be a bit tough with people - we all let friends and family off with things we shouldn't - partly for fear of being unpopular or not wanting to rock the boat. However, good friends will realise that they have pissed you off and like you more for saying what you feel. If they don't then the aren't really worth the effort.

 

[VertigoGal]

i always have to make the first step at making up even if it isnt my fault.

that's the worst

if you really think there's no way you can talk to her about it, or that refusing to apologize won't help...I guess the only thing you can do is to avoid situations where she can use you. such as lending money, etc. Although by the example you gave you obviously can't avoid those situations all the time.

 

[JCOSTER]

especially friends. maybe im more considerate than most, so maybe i notice more, but people just seem to take advantage of my good nature.
and the worst thing is they probably dont even realise what theyre doing is wrong.

me 2, me 2, me 2,

 

[Carek1230]

I've been hurt many times from my good and giving nature, but I've learned the hard way not to give too much away. All it does is eat away at you and that's not right. You are a victim as long as you allow people to take advantage, no matter how petty or huge you are being taken advantage of. Stand up for yourself and if saying no and being assertive ends friendships (as has happened with myself) then the friendships really weren't that "friendly" in the beginning then, were they? Friendship means giving and taking, 50/50, helping and not hurting. Also there is no excuse to continually borrow things from someone and never repay or replace. I won't stand for that. You've got to be a bigger person and stand up for your values and your beliefs to safeguard yourself.

 

[Bono's shades]

I've had my share of "friends" who treated me like crap. Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself, and if that doesn't work, just walk away.

 

[Carek1230]

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I have that habit too, you have to put a stop to it and stand up for yourself. People won't like it but it's necessary for your self-esteem. The more you do it the easier it will get.