I feel like my life is one big secret...

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Ava Adore

The Fly
Joined
Dec 22, 2001
Messages
146
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Where boys fear to tread...
For the last year and a half I have been taking night classes at school. I never told anyone at work because what I am studying has nothing to do with the industry I am in. I wanted to keep my options open and not have any doors closed on me, because I advertised the fact that my interests lie elsewhere.
Anyway... I am nearly done the program, and quite a few people in the office have slowly become aware of my extra curricular activities... however, I have managed to keep the secret from my bosses. I feel kinda guilty, because I plan on leaving at the end of August. I am moving to Ireland actually for a few years, in hopes of pursuing my new career. Now my life has become so complicated and I don't know what I am doing anymore.
Lot's of people know and lot's of people don't know. Many of the ones at work who know I am in school, also know of my plans for the fall. However, I feel guilty because it may come as a shock to my bosses when I finally tell them. Not that I owe them anything. I have worked here for nearly three years, longer than my original intent. But I still feel guilty. It'll come as a shock, but then again, perhaps not.
My boss was talking to me the other day of wanting to go to Scotland in September. I felt bad inside, because I knew with me leaving at the end of August, she may not be able to go. Yet again, not my problem, but I feel guilty. I plan on giving them one-two months notice, so they will have plenty of time to replace me. Anyone could do my job, but this office is strange. They act as if the world is ending if someone leaves, and they always seem to leave the hiring to the last minute.

My second guilt is the fact that everyone in my family knows of my plans except for my father. I don't know how to tell him, because we are really close and it will break his heart. I leave in 6 months so I better tell him soon. I am worried how he will feel being the last one to know.

My other guilt is knowing how much I want to go, but also feeling torn leaving everyone behind. What I am doing is selfish, living for me, and all about me for once, but I am not a selfish person and it's really hard... Ugh!

I feel I have been living one big ass lie and I hate it.

That is my confession.

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...there's so much doubt in every heart,
for all our faults we carry on
...
 
As far as leaving your job is concerned, I know what you mean because I am going through that right now. All I can tell you is to do what is best for yourself, your loyalty for your company can only go so far. IF they are understanding then they will wish you the best, and giving them a big notice is very generous on your part because some companies will cut someone loose as soon as they give a notice.

As far as you father is concerned, I would tell him soon. It will be easier to deal with if you are still around than if you tell him right before you go.

Good luck with this. As I found out last week, sometimes you worry about things and they have a way of taking care of themselves.
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