I Feel like a Little Kid!

[~*Buffalo*~]

This is such a problem for me ... I'm turning 20 in a few weeks, but I just don't feel like an adult. That is, I can't talk to adults - I'm far too shy anyway - and I always get the impression than older people think I'm still a kid.

For example, I work as a tutor with primary-school children. I have no problem talking with them, and I get on great with them. But whenever I need to talk with their parents, I clam up. I just don't know what to say, and I don't want to look like an idiot by saying the wrong thing about their kids. Of course I probably seem just as idiotic not saying anything, but ...

And, also, when I'm at university, I have tutorials and we're supposed to contribute to discussions and stuff. And I don't ... even though I always have things to say, I get scared to talk because most of the people in my classes are mature-age students and are all buddy-buddy with the tutors and lecturers. Having come from school 2 years ago where that would never happen with teachers, I just can't call adults by their first names! And I don't want to say the wrong thing ... again ... *sigh* I do well at uni because I enjoy writing, and I don't have that kind of problem. But speaking just frightens me!

I'm worried because I'll be needing to find a job at the end of this year. How can I work with people, you know, as a team and all, when I just like to be independent and not have to worry about what other people - adults - think? It's annoying because I do well in my uni courses, academically, but most employers look for qualities like teamwork or leadership, and, sadly, I don't have much of either. I've tried to take initiative and be more assertive, but since I was little I've been told to be quiet and respect my elders, and I just can't seem to break out of that mindset even though I've, legally, been an adult for 2 years already.

Please, if anyone has any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them! Thank you!

 

[martha]

I just can't call adults by their first names!

I still have problems calling the parents of my friends by their first names!

I'll focus on this "problem" because I can relate to it. Instead of finding fault with yourself for this habit, or viewing it as a short-coming, think of yourself as well brought-up instead. Understand that you like to show respect to all people, and that you prefer to call people by their titles and last names because it confers a respect on that person. Familiarity can be rude, and you are not a rude person. If you address these folks as Mr, Blank and Ms. X with surety and confidence, they'll view you as polite, not young.

As for clamming up when talking to adults, think of it this way: You don't have to worry about saying something stupid! You like to think through what you're going to say before you say it!

These things will work themselves out in time. It'll take experience for a start, and then from that experience will come confidence. Watch yourself carefully and see what it is that does make you come out a little bit. Then you can start to put yourself in those situations more and more until your confidence grows.

Give yourself time, sweetie! 20 isn't really that old, so you can still learn and grow!

 

[bonocrazy88]

Shyness?

If shy is what you are, look at this...it might help...it couldn't hurt.

 

[U2zoogirl]

I have the same issue... I'm 20 too and I don't feel like that... even worse I still look like a teen, so people don't treat me seriously, I always have to show my ID in the bars and sometimes older people ignores me. When I went to the USA for a U2 concert, the officers of the airport in Bogot? didn't believe that I was 18 and they ask me to show them all my documents...

I had problems to get a job and in the college, because the superiors look at me and listen the way I speak (I'm sooo shy with older people), so they didn't trust me in the beginning, but I always try to show them my interest and my individual skills, and they began to trust me and make me part of the activity.

working in a team is something that we have to learn. you can start giving your ideas, in a simple way. show them that you have enough to give and trust your partners. Leadership doesn't mean being bossy or being the popular kid, I think is about to propose new things and be clear about what you want for you and your team.

well, I think all that I wrote is not enough...

good luck... bye bye

lore

 

[meegannie]

I'm almost 23 and have the same problem. I've been living with my fiance at his parents' house since July and can't talk to his parents AT ALL. Even when it comes to paying the rent and things like that, I have to give the money to Sam to give to his parents because I'm too shy.

 

[Matchstick Chef]

Me too =(

I'm 15, and I'm really shy as well. Even when I try not to be, I still have trouble talking and always find myself in akward positions, when I can't think of anything to say or don't know how to respond to something to same by arse. How do I deal with it? Well, to be honest, I don't think I really do. But if I don't think about it, then all seems well.

Like the last time I was at the hospital and talking to the doctors, I found myself quite comfortable. And they're more than twice my age - twice my IQ if it weren't for me keeping up with my studies. The only way I could talk so normally was because I wasn't thinking about it. Maybe it'll work for you? When I'm at school and someone greets me I have trouble too.

I know your situation is different, but maybe try that? Don't think about the situation, just think about what they said. Hope it helps.

On a side note, when I first looked at your message, I took note that you wrote it on the 19th. And then I thought, "But today is the 18th... How can this be???" A second later I realised you're halfway around the world.

The Chef

 

[tiny dancer]

I hate being shy.

 

[IWasBored]

19. and that is me too. only apparently i could pass for under 17, which i remember everytime i go to see an r-rated movie.

don't worry about saying the wrong thing. people get all sorts of wierd ideas from you when you're shy and don't speak much. they're more likely to think you're a rude little kid when you don't talk, then when you do.

 

[~*Buffalo*~]

Thanks everyone for your support! I have been making a bit more of an effort to take part in discussions at uni, practice having little conversations with shop assistants, etc ... but it's still hard!

IWasBored, I know what you mean about being thought of as rude. I always feel that way, especially if someone says hello to me on the train or something, I just smile and look away. I guess I still think of myself as a kid ... not talking to strangers and all that.

*Sigh* It's nice to know I'm not the only one though! Thanks all for sharing!

 

[martha]

not talking to strangers and all that.

Keep this part. It will keep you safe as you travel the world!

 

[IWasBored]

*ominous-sounding child saftey video narrator voice*

do not talk to strangers

 

[celia]

I know how you feel, I'm 20 in October and started Uni last year and I seemed to get a lot more quiet cos I wasn't used to being round so many "loud" people with so many opinions, and it was really hard for me to get a word in if you like...I think it does boil down to not thinking about things and just come out with whatever...It's easier said than done though, I can be painfully quiet sometimes, but then again if i'm around other people i can chat for ages.

Good luck