U2isthebest
ONE love, blood, life
The past 2 months or so have been really hard on me. I've always had a completely irrational problem with fear that comes and goes. (As a Believer, I personally feel its just a weakness that the devil uses to his advantage.) Anyway, for the past 2 months I've been having this constant heavy fear that something is going to happen to me. This thought just keeps playing over and over in my mind that I have something wrong with me. I get panic attacks for no reason at all where I start hyperventilating and crying, and it's horrible. I've been having my family pray for me, and they say they know with a peace that I'm ok. I think deep down I do too, but I'm still so scared and they don't understand. Today everything came to a hilt though. I had a horrible day at work. I was getting blamed for things that I had no control over. One of the people I work with told me I looked like crap. Then when I was visiting my grandparents tonight my grandma started being mean to me for no reason. She kept telling me I'm fat and how horrible I look (I really don't know where she's getting that from. Although, "fat" to her is not looking like Nicole Richie's little sister like I did a couple years ago. ) Then she started telling me my future is ruined and I'm going nowhere in life because I haven't made up my mind on which college I'm going to transfer to next year. I got pissed and told her I'm sick of her crap, and she told me I'm no longer a Christian because of my "language" She also told me not to ask her to pray for me anymore. I was feeling so much better in my fear problem today, but now I'm terrifed again and freaking out. I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to my mom about it because I don't want her to be stressed. After having cancer last year and she and my dad divorcing in March, I don't want her to have pressure. I'm sorry. I just had to get that out.