I don't think she likes me!!!

[Lil'Bono]

My mum and dad split up almost 6 years ago, well actually, he left her for someone else, but anyway that's not my point.
She's been seeing this guy for 5 years, and she really seems to like him. He's a nice guy, but the thing is, he's not my dad and he's got 2 kids from his previous marriage too, who i don't get on with!! The thing is i don't even talk to my old man or bother with him, because i hate him and he's a horrible person!! But i guess no-one can ever replace your dad, even if he is a nasty bastard!!
Anyway,back to my point, i'm rambling!! She's looking to move in with this guy and his brats!! And i don't want to!!
Maybe, i'm being selfish, but in order for her to do this, i have to leave the house i grew up in ( i can't call it a home, because it never really was one!!), leave all my friends behind and move to a different school!!
I sound so horrible and selfish for saying these things, but i've just settled into my school, i find it really hard to make new friends as i'm really shy and quiet and although it's just a house, it's full of memories of my (shitty) childhood, but i still can't leave it behind, because it's were i grew up!!
Thing is, since i told her i don't want to live with him, she's being nasty towards me!! Everything i do, she starts on me for it, it's like she's saying she can't be happy because of me!!

 

[TheBrazilianFly]

Actually you don't sound selfish, your mom does. It's not your fault they split. Why change your life even more? But then again it's great that she found someone else she loves. Talk to her, a serious conversation about this. Tell her how you feel and how much and why you don't want to leave. Maybe ask her to wait at least until school is over.

 

[dandy]

you're not being selfish in the least. all of your fears and concerns are perfectly reasonable. i know if i were in your shoes, i'd be feeling the exact same way.

i agree with Fly, you need to talk to your mom about this and tell her how you're feeling--how hard it will be to go to another new school, to start over and have to make new friends, not to mention the stress of suddenly having two new siblings to deal with in a new house... she needs to know all of this before she makes her decision.

 

[cell]

i had to move to long beach becaue i couldnt afford the rent where i used to live before. my daughter, daisy fought me the whole time, saying she wasn't happy, west covina was her home, she reacted in ways that make other moms cringe. any new situation is going to be hard on the child no matter the age.

i have a friend who im dating at the moment, daisy had a hard time adjusting to. again, other moms would cringe at what she's done to try and drive my friend away. she's told him to his face how she really feels about him, told him to get lost, oh man. the list goes on. now they're good friends.

on my part, i had no choice but to move. change is rough. if it were up to me i'd have waited another year.

i tried everything in my power to make sure daisy's transition is a smooth one. its not always easy. i've wanted to pull my hair out many times. i've lost patience manytimes. i've cried many nights. its hard. very hard.

if you can, try and really sit down with your mom, and in a non defensive way, talk to her how your feeling. dont point fingers, doint accuse, just tell her how your feeling. if you really cant, then type a letter. find a way to let her know what's going on in your head. but never distance yourself from your mom. family is important.

i hope i've made some sense...

good luck.

 

[Lil'Bono]

Thing is, i can't talk to her!! I find it really hard to talk to people about how i'm feeling!!

 

[starsgoblue]

Lil' Bono....I think you're doing a great job telling all of us here how you feel, you're very articulate. But then again this is the safe anonymity of the net.

I can really sympathize with your situation. My parents divorced when I was seven and from then on it seems like my mother was so, for lack of a better word and it's probably the truth, desparate to find love again she didn't always think like a mother.

On a whim she decided to sell the house she had gotten in the divorce, the only house I knew, to move to Rhode Island. We spent three months in a house there before she "asked" me if we could move in with her boyfriend and his two sons. There wasn't a room for me and for two years I slept on a couch and had no true personal space of my own. This was during my middle school years and as you can imagine it was pretty hard to make friends....when kids that age are so image-concious how can you have someone come over and explain my living situation. To make things worse the boyfriend was a total jerk...

My mother's no longer with the guy and all and I'm in college and living on my own now but it really took alot of work to get my relationship with her back on track....and she realizes now the mistakes she made before as a parent. The thing is I never did tell her how I felt about things, I just kinda clammed up about it all and I think it hurt me in the long run...maybe if I had said something things would have been different. Parents are people too with wants and needs but children should always be a main priority before anything else....anyways the point I'm trying to make is this: I know your mother must love you but it seems like she is being a little selfish, maybe if you tried to really talk to her about this and what your concerns are she might have a bit of a reality check about the situation.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Try not to fall into the trap of looking at what is happening as a series or a singular mistake on your mum's part. I assume you're in your teens and have an idea of how life works and how your mum is actually in a difficult spot as well. She has 2 lives which she needs to manage and both are important - being yours and hers. Parents get torn between doing things for themselves as individuals and as everyone has the right to, and for their children as well. Love makes everyone not selfish necessarily, but blind to how others are handling what's going on. Your mum needs to understand how you feel so she can't misinterpret your position. And she needs to tell you hers so you know for sure she isn't ignoring your needs.
Could you write it all down and show her that?

 

[Lil'Bono]

Thanx for listening to my problems, but i'm not the kind of person who talks about their feelings.
I 've been keeping everything inside me my whole life and i don't think i'll ever change!
I used to do a lot of stupid things to help me deal with stuff when i was younger, but it never helped.
You know i'd have given up a long time ago, if it weren't for that one person in my life who keeps me going. That one person i care about more than anything in this world.
If it weren't for him, i wouldn't be here now!!

 

[starsgoblue]

Everything will be ok in the end...if it's not ok it's not the end. Keep your head up Lil'Bono.