I don't quite know why I'm writing this.

[loverippedaway]

To put it simply i need help. I have a girlfriend who I have been with (On and off) for the past year and a half, and we have hit a roadblock, a roadblock i have created and that I can fix (hopefully)

basically she is upset because everytime she wants to go hang out with her friends I get mad at her, and I honestly don't know why. this is the real world, and we are both in high school its not right or normal to be tied down completly to another person. This has come up before in the past, and nothing has really ever changed. This time I do want to change my ways, this relationship means everything to me, and it makes no sense why I get mad at her. I hang out with my friends, she doesn't care, she hangs out with her's and its a big deal.

any ideas?
basically i told her I would change, she said she didn't believe me, I said i'd prove it to her, thats really all I can do.

I don't know what advice anyone can give me, its pretty obvious don't be so clingy. let her have her own life, but it kind of felt better to write this, so if anyone has comments, experiences, anything at all PLEASE do comment!
thank you

 

[Lancemc]

I'm not sure exactly what you should do. But for the time being, just try to grin and bare it, even if it kills you for whatever reason. You said so yourself, this relationship is to important to blow over something trivial.

 

[redkat]

It's good that you recognize it's not normal or healthy to be so controlling. I think in order to change you need to figure out why you do it. Good luck

 

[Liesje]

^ I agree w/ kat.

I'm a very independent person who needs a lot of personal space and will not put up with clinginess or being expected not to have my own life. My husband realized this from day one and he knows when to back off

If you were my bf, I'd be VERY pissed off, but at least you're admitting you have a problem and want to change. Are you jealous of her friends? Do you dislike her friends? Are you jealous that she has these friends? Do you feel she really is not spending enough time with you? Etc. Just some things to consider...why exactly is it such a big deal? Figuring that out is the first step to dealing with it.

 

[loverippedaway]

I'm starting to think its a jelousy thing, because I don't have that many close friends, and she seems to have a great deal of them. Maybe I am envious of her, because she has people beyond our relationship.

so how do i fix this?
go out and hang out with friends, remember there is a world besides her, and thats what I did do tonight.

I just want to thank redkat, Lancemc as well as Liesje for helping me take the first steps on changing all this.

 

[Got Philk?]

YES!!! You said it! If she allows, go out with her and her friends!

I had a girlfriend in high school who was two years older than I was(I know..I'm such a stud.. j/k). I didn't have lots of friends b/c I had basically just moved to this little town(see, not so much a stud eh?). Now I was on the opposite side of the spectrum, where she was mad if I had other plans. She wanted me to herself all weekend.

We talked about it, and I started to hang out with her and her friends, trying to keep things cool and calm b/t us. Tell you what. She still yelled at me b/c we weren't "alone" together. But I made some cool friends, some of whom I still can talk to today!

Feel it out. See what she thinks of hanging out with her friends some time. But also...remember that you don't ALWAYS have to be a part of their "girls night out."

 

[Liesje]

Yep you should go out w/ your friends, or find other things to do. Phil plays soccer on Friday nights and he's constantly apologizing for being gone on that night. Personally, after a long week of work I want nothing more than to curl up on the couch alone, so it's fine he plays soccer w/ his friends. Sometimes I do things with my friends and say it's "girls only". We've tried to to more stuff with friends together, like inviting Phil's friend and his girlfriend over on Thursdays when there is a new CSI, or going over to my friend's house b/c her husband is a gamer so he and Phil play games all night. This Friday I'm leaving for a week long trip without Phil and to my knowledge, he's OK with it.

Consider that we are done with college and married, you are only in high school! You should NOT feel you have to tie yourself down and be attached at the hip. It will only cause you stress and heartache. If there's a reason why you can't trust her, then maybe the relationship is not right. If it's just you being envious, that's something you can definitely work on and let her do her thing.

 

[LikeNoOneBefore]

I was the same way you were for a little while. My best friend (who I might also add I'm attracted to) is a very outgoing guy, and I used to get jealous of anyone who had his attention. It put a strain on our relationship for a little because without knowing why, I'd get mad at him for hanging out with someone other than me. After a while, things calmed down. I think I was afraid of someone taking him from me (He's bi so I have more people to worry about hahaha) or I was jealous because I don't have as many friends as he does, like you said about your girlfriend. Or I just didn't like the people and was scared for the influence they had on him.

So how did I fix it? I didn't really. It sort of faded. It could be a phase. You never know. But I agree with what everyone's been saying, completely. Just thought I'd add in a little "You're not alone!" thing.

 

[loverippedaway]

Thank you once again for the advice, its good to know I'm not alone. I think this all has to do with a fear of her leaving me, and a fear of her cheating on me...we have had a rocky relationship, but have been going strong this time around, when we used to have a big fight every week, its now down to once a month if that.

Anyway...basically last summer we weren't together, and she slept with me while with another guy, I'm always nervous it could happen again, but it is a much different situation now, and its only paranoia at this point. I know she wouldn't do it, but its just a thought in the back of my mind.

But anyway, I'm letting her do her own thing, and I'm doing my own thing as well and its going good, I'm hanging out with alot of my friends over the past few days, without worrying what she would say or think, and she is doing the same and it seems to be working.