cell
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in february 2005, im going to be losing my spousal support so that means i wont be able to pay my rent in full where i live, and my job that i have is part time. there's no way i'll be able to afford it.
then i was paying daycare expenses a while back for someone watching daisy. i honestly dont know how i managed to pay $150 a months the first four months. when my grandmother found out how much i was paying, she offered to watch daisy for free. only thing is, she lives in long beach. i thought about it, and i've decided to go ahead with my move to find someplace close to my grandmother. im supposed to be moving there so she can watch my daughter while i work. i like the idea of free daycare, and all, but at the same time, im afraid of change. i dont want to live in a new city, have daisy go to a new school, she's already going thru some rough adjustments, throwing fits everytime i have to work. her behavior is shit lately, not wanting to do anything i tell her, just doing it out of spite. i understand she's acting out because of the changes, but i can only take so much. i want to cry.
then i was paying daycare expenses a while back for someone watching daisy. i honestly dont know how i managed to pay $150 a months the first four months. when my grandmother found out how much i was paying, she offered to watch daisy for free. only thing is, she lives in long beach. i thought about it, and i've decided to go ahead with my move to find someplace close to my grandmother. im supposed to be moving there so she can watch my daughter while i work. i like the idea of free daycare, and all, but at the same time, im afraid of change. i dont want to live in a new city, have daisy go to a new school, she's already going thru some rough adjustments, throwing fits everytime i have to work. her behavior is shit lately, not wanting to do anything i tell her, just doing it out of spite. i understand she's acting out because of the changes, but i can only take so much. i want to cry.
i know it's really, really hard without decent money coming in. it's very hard to be so dependant on a regular source of income, which provides security & then to have your rug pulled out from under you. I was in that situation, once. it's like all your sources are being pulled up, one by one and you have to just trust & hope etc. you need all the help, care & understanding you can get. all the love & support. 
so that i could get the help & understanding that i needed. i was too quiet.
i know most people do not like change, but it is inevitable. you seem to have made the best decision for you by preparing in advance for the adjustment,good. the worse thing to do would be to wait to the last minute, then have to 'up and do something in a hurry'. Don't let fear of the unknown keep you from finding out what is on the other side! It's just, on the other side..! You said the move would put you closer to your grandmother, it's good to be close to family when you need help. You then get the day care your daughter needs. that's good too. Do you still get to keep your part time job? I suspect you must like it, cuz you did not say you would look for a full time job in order to pay for the rent. All I will add is, once you move to the new area, find a family couselor, or some at a local church that can help you? usally that is free, or on a sliding scale as far as paying for it, so why not try this as a means to adjusting to a new move to a new area? In all, I think you are well on your way for this change, and you do have friends here that will allow you to vent, so that's a good thing too! You are not totally alone in this adjustment, and everyone goes through it. Keep up the good work, and Don't quit no matte what!! 
