I don't know where I stand with her

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LMP

LMP

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I have a really good friend that's just too selective for me. Maybe that's not the right word, but I don't know how else to describe it. When we hang out, it's a lot of fun; we have a lot in common and get along well. The only issue is that it seems like I'm always the one who has to initiate the conversations. I always ask her if she wants to hang out and never the other way around. That kind of bothers me. It makes me feel like I'm not as important to her as she is to me.

How do I handle a situation like this? Is it even really a big deal or am I just overreacting?

(If it helps, she's around 16. Don't worry, if you don't know me, I'm close to that age too. You won't see me on To Catch a Predator.)
 
LemonMacPhisto said:
You won't see me on To Catch a Predator
Click to expand...

Don't be so sure...













































2rh642ccv9.jpg


Seriously, though. When I was your age, which wasn't too long ago, I was in a very similar situation that ultimately led to nothing. Best thing, I'd say, is to just come right out and say you think it's odd that you should have to initiate everything, even just as a friendship.

As with a large percentage of life's dilemmas, talking is the only way to sort things out.
 
Well, I was having trouble with that with a friend of mine, too. (I'm almost seventeen, so I know where you're coming from. :wink: ) What I would try doing, and it might be hard for you if you're so close, is just backing off for a little bit, making no attempt to talk to her, and see what she does. If she comes back, great! If she doesn't, then there might be something wrong. After that, I'd try talking to her about the whole situation.

Maybe give that a shot? :D
 
Thanks guys, I'll definitely do both of those things.

Now I just need to figure out what to say...
 
Yeah, write it all down before you talk to her. It probably sounds stupid, but it really helps to organize all of your thoughts. I do it all the time. Haha :D
 
I had a very similar situation when I was in high school, and the same thing as what happened to IMP13 happened to me---nothing came of it. I initiated everything and even did this drawn-out, romantic stunt that ultimately had me telling her how I felt about her....only for her to say she didn't want to mess up our friendship. We're still friends, but only talk maybe 3 times a year.

It's hard to think about it now, but if nothing great happens with it, don't worry. I met my wife in college (I'm a few years out now...27), and one of the things that drew me so strongly to her was that whereas all of the other girls I knew would laugh at my jokes, etc., Monica was the first girl who equally made ME laugh. We both put in equally, and it all turned out well. :D
 
Do you know how she is with her other friends? Because some people are just like that :shrug: I have a friend whom I have to constantly bug to ever get him to hang out with me...and if I call or text him he won't respond...turns out he's that way with everyone. even his girlfriend sometimes :huh: she could just be one of those people. I know it can be annoying, but if you do get to hang out with her, you are important to her. If you weren't, she wouldn't hang out with you or talk to you at all. she may just be shy or whatever. or maybe she's gotten used to you asking so she just waits for whenever you wanna hang :shrug:

that said, you could bring it up, I suppose, if it's bothering you. or do what LikeNoOneBefore suggested. if you withdraw she might realize how much she misses you.
 
LemonMacPhisto said:
I have a really good friend that's just too selective for me. Maybe that's not the right word, but I don't know how else to describe it. When we hang out, it's a lot of fun; we have a lot in common and get along well. The only issue is that it seems like I'm always the one who has to initiate the conversations. I always ask her if she wants to hang out and never the other way around. That kind of bothers me. It makes me feel like I'm not as important to her as she is to me.

How do I handle a situation like this? Is it even really a big deal or am I just overreacting?

(If it helps, she's around 16. Don't worry, if you don't know me, I'm close to that age too. You won't see me on To Catch a Predator.)
Click to expand...

I had these problems with both genders at your age, too, and still do. I was told that people take advantage of eagerness or don't appreciate the person as much. I'm not sure how to solve it, but I just stop calling if they don't call me, even if I feel lonely as hell. Then again, maybe ask her... I'm not sure. People suck.
 
It's kinda typical for that age... But you can ask her why, though, in a subtle sort of way... That way you'll get to know why she never takes initiatives. Maybe she's just shy? You can only find out by asking her.
 
She does get shy, that's for sure. Also, she is cool with me when we hang out like I said earlier, but it still does bother me that I always initiate things.

I'll wait a few days to get my thoughts together and ask her what's up though.

Thanks again guys for all of the advice.
 
Is it a possibility that she likes you more than just a friend? That would explain why she waits for you to arrange things, she might be afraid of making it too obvious or incase you find out and don't feel the same way.

If not then maybe she hasn't even realised that your always the one getting in contact with her, because its always been that way. I know some people like that!

Good luck :)
 
Lancemc said:
You're not going to make it.


:wink:
rottentomatoes joke.
Click to expand...

I think LMP may be trying to steal your thunder. :sexywink: This could be at 20 pages before you know it. :wink:

Anyway, I'm with LikeNoOneBefore; just leave her be and see if she really cares about you enough to come back. It's a bit difficult, but I'd go for it. :shrug:
 
Or it couldn't :wink:

Yeah, we haven't talked in a few days, which has been good. The thing that really derails everything is that I used to have a fairly big crush on her for about a year, year and a half. I never really told her, but I guess it hit her one day and it was hard to maintain the friendship.

The only thing I thought I could do was let it rest and then when I was over her, tell her the deal and try and move on. That's exactly what happened and it worked, we're still really good friends and everything's dandy. At least I thought so.

As much as I want to stay friends with her, the feelings I have for her surface from time to time; basically when we're talking one-on-one. Then that's offset by times when it seems like I annoy her or she doesn't want to hang out or anything.

I read the Epic Story of Lance a few minutes ago, which is what prompted me to make this response, and noticed some parallels with my situation. The whole situation isn't very similar (setting, boyfriend, everyone likes her) but my feelings for her are the same.

I have pretty much no idea about what to do.
 
um... having been in this situation for years... i can tell you it sucks. perhaps you should distance yourself from her, see if she comes back, or if the feelings for her fade or whatever. Distance really does help, I can tell you that. But it depends on the people. Sometimes you just end up missing the person to death :/

my situation was similar to yours. I told him, even though he had a girlfriend (still does), he was very nice about it, we talked about it, eventually I stopped bringing it up because it's not like it improved the situation. We're still good friends. I'm not 100% over it, but it doesn't hurt like it used to really, so i'm much better than it was. can you be satisfied with her as just a friend? if so then you'll be fine.
 
AtomicBono said:
um... having been in this situation for years... i can tell you it sucks. perhaps you should distance yourself from her, see if she comes back, or if the feelings for her fade or whatever. Distance really does help, I can tell you that. But it depends on the people. Sometimes you just end up missing the person to death :/

my situation was similar to yours. I told him, even though he had a girlfriend (still does), he was very nice about it, we talked about it, eventually I stopped bringing it up because it's not like it improved the situation. We're still good friends. I'm not 100% over it, but it doesn't hurt like it used to really, so i'm much better than it was. can you be satisfied with her as just a friend? if so then you'll be fine.
Click to expand...

It comes and goes, which is strange. Some days I'm happy with everything, other days I miss her a lot. I think I'm experiencing the latter :sigh:

I can try and deal with just a friend, it's been working well enough already. Maybe I should try subtle ways to show that I care a little more. Like if there's an opportunity to huge or hold her hand or something, I'll take it.
 
You think "A woman fuckin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman fucking a horse. It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her. I kinda felt bad for the horse.
 
I'd have a couple swigs of vodka from the liqueur cabinet and call her, ranting on about something or other. That would be amazing :up:
 
That sounds like a perfect plan, I don't know why I haven't tried it earlier :shrug:

Everything's cool right now, actually. She's out of town and I don't find myself melodramatically wishing she were here. Fantastic progress I say. :up:
 
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