OP
OP
sami0201
Blue Crack Addict
He's not, but they just broke up like 2 months ago. She was just kidding, I don't know.
I did a really bad thing
- Thread starter sami0201
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BWU2Buffs
War Child
I could not get through your whole story, though I did try - next time try giving us a little breathing room with a few
enter
buttons
it's easier to read long posts.
I'm twice your age; one word -- honesty -- tell those involved what happened, how you feel and felt for the 2 years that you describe -- your true friends will stay by your side and understand -- it might take them some time to process and deal with their emotions -- give them that space.
That's all I got -- good luck.
enter
buttons
it's easier to read long posts.
I'm twice your age; one word -- honesty -- tell those involved what happened, how you feel and felt for the 2 years that you describe -- your true friends will stay by your side and understand -- it might take them some time to process and deal with their emotions -- give them that space.
That's all I got -- good luck.
Varitek
Blue Crack Addict
I got through most of that - while I write like that too when I'm worked up (exactly like that!!), I try to break it up if I intend it for public/semi-pulblic consumption.
A few things -
I get a really big kick out of the guys responding who say "just ask your friend if it's ok and then go for him." You see, guys work like that, but girls suck and are way more complicated and volatile.
I don't completely agree with the "chiks over dicks" mantra - it's situational, not black and white. You need to figure out how much you value your friendship with the girl, how much you like the guy, how much potential there is for something worth it to come with the guy, what mutual friends with this girl might think about your choice and how much you care about these potential negative views or views about how you treat your friends.
And it sounds like you don't see anything worth the mess it would create happening now, so maybe you should wait a few years - maybe by then you won't care about the guy, or your friend/his ex won't care, or what ever other factors would be changed to make your decision clearer.
Trust me, last spring (northern hemisphere...so april/may) I did something way worse to a friend (slightly different obligations all around than your situation...and I justified it by thinking "I wouldn't be pissed if it was reversed" but that's probably a lie...), and knew if I was going to do it I couldn't tell her. but I felt guilty about it afterwards so told a mutual friend when I was drunk, and she was mad at me on the other friend's behalf for a while and was disgusted with my choices vs. my friendship with the girl - and I knew this would happen but I think I felt guilty and wanted punishment so I told her (and she was pissed about that, having to "share my burden") and basically what I'm saying is: If you feel really awful about something, or really guilty, or know you will if it happens, that's probably a clue that it's the wrong thing to do. I still feel royally bitchy and awful whenever I think about this.
A few things -
I get a really big kick out of the guys responding who say "just ask your friend if it's ok and then go for him." You see, guys work like that, but girls suck and are way more complicated and volatile.
I don't completely agree with the "chiks over dicks" mantra - it's situational, not black and white. You need to figure out how much you value your friendship with the girl, how much you like the guy, how much potential there is for something worth it to come with the guy, what mutual friends with this girl might think about your choice and how much you care about these potential negative views or views about how you treat your friends.
And it sounds like you don't see anything worth the mess it would create happening now, so maybe you should wait a few years - maybe by then you won't care about the guy, or your friend/his ex won't care, or what ever other factors would be changed to make your decision clearer.
Trust me, last spring (northern hemisphere...so april/may) I did something way worse to a friend (slightly different obligations all around than your situation...and I justified it by thinking "I wouldn't be pissed if it was reversed" but that's probably a lie...), and knew if I was going to do it I couldn't tell her. but I felt guilty about it afterwards so told a mutual friend when I was drunk, and she was mad at me on the other friend's behalf for a while and was disgusted with my choices vs. my friendship with the girl - and I knew this would happen but I think I felt guilty and wanted punishment so I told her (and she was pissed about that, having to "share my burden") and basically what I'm saying is: If you feel really awful about something, or really guilty, or know you will if it happens, that's probably a clue that it's the wrong thing to do. I still feel royally bitchy and awful whenever I think about this.
discothequeLP
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
Got Philk? said:
that honestly calls for castration.
music.u2
War Child
If you really like this guy then there is no point waiting years before you can go out with him, because by then it is likely that any feelings you had for eachother will be lost. I don't think you can live your life following limitations such as the 'don't date a friend's ex' rule. How long was she going out with this guy? If it was sercious then yea maybe wait a few months at most.. maybe until she has a new boyfriend herself. If after a few months his ex still isn't over him and you think you going out with him will still cause a big scene then you need to ask yourself whether your friends really your friends and is he worth it?
I hope that helps.. usually my advice is useless on these things lol good luck with whatever you decide to do though
I hope that helps.. usually my advice is useless on these things lol good luck with whatever you decide to do though
joyfulgirl
Blue Crack Addict
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2001
- Messages
- 16,690
Too much alcohol, too much drama, the guy sounds like a creep...
walk away!!
walk away!!
walk away!!
walk away!!
walk away!!
walk away!!
OP
OP
sami0201
Blue Crack Addict
music.u2 said:If you really like this guy then there is no point waiting years before you can go out with him, because by then it is likely that any feelings you had for eachother will be lost. I don't think you can live your life following limitations such as the 'don't date a friend's ex' rule. How long was she going out with this guy? If it was sercious then yea maybe wait a few months at most.. maybe until she has a new boyfriend herself. If after a few months his ex still isn't over him and you think you going out with him will still cause a big scene then you need to ask yourself whether your friends really your friends and is he worth it?
I hope that helps.. usually my advice is useless on these things lol good luck with whatever you decide to do though
They were together for like two and a half years. Granted, it was high school, but that's still a long time. She is already "hooking up" with another guy at school. Next time I see him will probably be winter break, and she always goes away with her family over break. We'll see the situation in 4 months... At first I was really upset about this whole thing but then I realized, what's meant to be will happen.
music.u2
War Child
I hope it turns out how you want it to
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