I did a kind of stupid thing this weekend...

[onebloodonelife]

Alright, so, Friday night a couple friends and I went over to another friends' apartment. We proceeded to get drunk and smoke some weed. The friend who lives in the apartment is the brother of a good friend of mine, but we're all really good friends. I've had inklings of feelings for this guy for a couple years now, but never acted on them because he's my friend's brother. But, Friday night, we started cuddling on the couch, which turned into kissing, which led to the bedroom and you get the idea. (This all happened after my other friends had left, so I wasn't the horrible friend getting busy with other friends in the same room.)

Now, by the time we got to the bedroom, I certainly wasn't that out of it, and I don't think he was either. Afterwards, we decided that we'd talk about what this all means later, when we were completely sober. But, he kept telling me that he'd liked me for so long, but hadn't done anything because of his sister, etc.

Then, Saturday night, we were texting a bit, I was drunk, he was at work, and he was definitely sending signals that he didn't want to do anything about this, and that we'd talk about it after finals week, which is three weeks from now.

The problem is that: 1. I don't like being played around with, and that alone pisses me off to no end, and 2. Because we are good friends, and his sister and I are friends, I don't want to be awkward around him or her, which would just suck massively.

I just don't know what to do. I'm fine with just being friends again, but my biggest worry is the awkwardness. And, I think leaving it up in the air for weeks is a bit much. I can understand leaving it for a little bit, to let both of us sort it out in our heads, then come together to get everything straight, but three weeks is a little torturous.

 

[martha]

My first, unedited thought is that maybe it's time to stop drinking.

 

[onebloodonelife]

Oh, trust me, I don't plan on drinking again for some time. This was the first time I'd drank since October, and I now know why I hadn't for that long.

 

[AtomicBono]

I always feel like with these situations it's only awkward if you decide to make it awkward, y'know? If you just act normal, it'll be fine... of course that has to apply to both parties

I definitely agree leaving things up in the air for three weeks is not cool. also, if he was telling you he's liked you for so long but now he doesn't want to do anything about it, what is that shit? he needs to man up. I understand giving each other a couple days to breathe and think about this, but not three weeks. I say you try and talk to him about it and see how he really feels.

Does the sister know?

 

[onebloodonelife]

I always feel like with these situations it's only awkward if you decide to make it awkward, y'know? If you just act normal, it'll be fine... of course that has to apply to both parties

I definitely agree leaving things up in the air for three weeks is not cool. also, if he was telling you he's liked you for so long but now he doesn't want to do anything about it, what is that shit? he needs to man up. I understand giving each other a couple days to breathe and think about this, but not three weeks. I say you try and talk to him about it and see how he really feels.

Does the sister know?

I definitely get where you're coming from about the awkwardness. Of course, it's impossible to pretend it never happened, but yeah, I think we can both be normal around each other.

Precisely. I understand that he had a few drinks in him, but honestly, it was not enough for him to be completely out of it. He was coherent the entire time, and I think he knew what he was saying.

I think I'll give him until the weekend, then try to get together and talk about it.

As far as I know, the sister doesn't know. I haven't told her, so if she does, it's because he told her, but I doubt he would've at this point.

 

[VertigoGal]

OK, guys saying they can't deal with it and talk about it until after finals week or whatever- that is bullshit. He is not really studying 24/7, and it would not take so much out of him to have an hour long chat. Seriously I feel like guys are doing that all the time and it's fucking stupid. In my humble opinion.

And I totally agree on the awkward thing. I had a drunk hook up with a guy, who turned out to be an asshole by the way. I mean, the guy as much as told me we were never talking about it and the next time we were drunk (like two weeks later), told me that he would've felt a lot worse if he'd "done the same thing" to my friend. (He had a crush on her.) Now this was a hookup but not sex if it matters...

Anyway. He is an idiot, and I have a class with him and we sit with the same group at lunch. And I seriously just decided not to be awkward, and I never have been. We act like we're friends perfectly fine even though I have a passive hatred for him (for other reasons). And it's all good.

Maybe that doesn't apply to you because you might actually give a shit about your relationship with this guy, as a friend. But I think he's being a bit of an ass with the finals thing, so I think you should try to carry yourself with a lot of confidence and show you don't feel awkward about it, even if you do a little. Some other people may disagree...but I would say call him or pull him aside and ask him if he can be adult enough to just have a talk, and if not I wouldn't bother with him for awhile.

 

[Sicy]

Sex always ruins everything.

 

[zuropa_fit]

Sex always ruins everything.

Except when it doesn't

Not helpful, I know.

 

[love_u2_adam]

Sex always ruins everything.

 

[BoMac]

Sex always ruins everything.

That depends. If you're not up front with someone about your intentions before having sex, then it can ruin things. Someone is bound to get hurt that way, because one of the parties expects the relationship to move beyond sex.

However, if you're honest about what you want out of the relationship, whether it's just sex or possibly more, then feelings can be spared, and a good time can be had by all.

I've chosen the latter, and it's saved me and the other party a lot of headaches.

 

[onebloodonelife]

That depends. If you're not up front with someone about your intentions before having sex, then it can ruin things. Someone is bound to get hurt that way, because one of the parties expects the relationship to move beyond sex.

However, if you're honest about what you want out of the relationship, whether it's just sex or possibly more, then feelings can be spared, and a good time can be had by all.

I've chosen the latter, and it's saved me and the other party a lot of headaches.

And, that's our problem. We obviously didn't discuss anything beforehand. I agree with you though. As long as everyone's upfront in the beginning, it works out.

 

[Angela Harlem]

OK, guys saying they can't deal with it and talk about it until after finals week or whatever- that is bullshit. He is not really studying 24/7, and it would not take so much out of him to have an hour long chat. Seriously I feel like guys are doing that all the time and it's fucking stupid. In my humble opinion.

And I totally agree on the awkward thing. I had a drunk hook up with a guy, who turned out to be an asshole by the way. I mean, the guy as much as told me we were never talking about it and the next time we were drunk (like two weeks later), told me that he would've felt a lot worse if he'd "done the same thing" to my friend. (He had a crush on her.) Now this was a hookup but not sex if it matters...

Anyway. He is an idiot, and I have a class with him and we sit with the same group at lunch. And I seriously just decided not to be awkward, and I never have been. We act like we're friends perfectly fine even though I have a passive hatred for him (for other reasons). And it's all good.

Maybe that doesn't apply to you because you might actually give a shit about your relationship with this guy, as a friend. But I think he's being a bit of an ass with the finals thing, so I think you should try to carry yourself with a lot of confidence and show you don't feel awkward about it, even if you do a little. Some other people may disagree...but I would say call him or pull him aside and ask him if he can be adult enough to just have a talk, and if not I wouldn't bother with him for awhile.

 

[onebloodonelife]

I texted him last night, and we agreed that we'd try to find a time this week to get together. He didn't try to avoid it or anything, so that's good.

 

[cobl04]

Well I'm a bloke, and I can't say too much, haven't really been in this situation before, but my first thought was not talking about it for three weeks was an incredibly long time... not that this helps but I would have wanted to sort it out pretty much yeah as soon as said parties were both sober...

 

[anitram]

Anytime somebody says to you that you'll talk about it after sex is pretty much the best indicator you should put your clothes back on. Unless of course both of you are just in it for some physical release, in which case it's a different story.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Anytime somebody says to you that you'll talk about it after sex is pretty much the best indicator you should put your clothes back on. Unless of course both of you are just in it for some physical release, in which case it's a different story.

I have to agree with that and I don't want to be harsh but you are being played with. That's the best reason not to get into these types of situations, your feelings are bound to get hurt. The best you can do is look at it as a learning experience. If someone can have sex with you then they certainly should be able to have the discussion too.

 

[RedRocksU2]

OK, guys saying they can't deal with it and talk about it until after finals week or whatever- that is bullshit.

agreed