I can't

[Justin24]

My friend Evan Parker died in a car crash back in 2004. He hit a wall and then a tree. He was one of my good friends. I talked to him Friday night and when I was at work on Saturday, I received a call from my mom that his mom called.
I left work early and I gave a speech at his Funeral. During the Visitation, it was strange seeing him lying there knowing he could not talk to me anymore and I felt light headed.
He was supposed to go to Ireland with me but died a 2 months before we were to leave and I had doubts about going, but his mom told me to go for him and me. So I did. She showed me the photos of his car ( A ford Mustang, brand new) that he died in. I was in shock at the damage. His 3rd year anniversary is coming up and yet I still can't get the image of him laying in the casket out of my head.

http://www.legacy.com/MercuryNews/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=1989580

 

[Lancemc]

That's tough. I've been fortunate enough not to have experienced a close friend or family member dying yet (well, my great-grandmother dies a few years ago, but I was too young to really be affected by it). Although, strangly enough, I just found out today that a close family friend died last night of a heart-attack. My mom was much closer to him than I was, but he was still a great guy, and it's hard to believe he's gone forever.

Weird stuff.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I'm sorry about your friend Justin. I understand how you can't get that image out of your head and I don't think there's really anything wrong with that, it's a normal reaction. Maybe you could try thinking about your good memories of him when you think of that image, it's a cliche but it's also true-that's what he would want.

 

[alison0313]

I know what you're feeling very well. Its a traumatic experience that will stay with you for a very long time. One day it will be easier for you to remember him how he was in life and less about how he was taken. There is no time table on how to deal with something like this, but keep the good memories in your head as much as you can.

 

[verte76]

I've never had such bad luck, but I can imagine the grief it caused you Justin. I wouldn't be able to get it off of my mind to save my life.

 

[vaz02]

Thats the reason many people dont attend funerals or funerals with a open casket. Its not the way i'd like to have the last memories of my loved ones.

I hope the good memories soon return.

 

[redhotswami]

That must be so difficult, Justin. Even after a few years, that image still haunts you. MrsS has some sound advice though, everytime you visualize him in a casket, try to think of a happy moment you two shared.

 

[yolland]

Have you ever tried writing down some of your memories of him, Justin? Not of his death, but of other times the two of you shared. My father's death took the form of collapsing suddenly and unexpectedly at a birthday dinner, and for years afterwards I couldn't really visually recall him at all, I think mostly because I was trying to avoid visualizing that moment. But privately writing down some of my other memories of him has helped me to accumulate some less unsettling images in my head; often people think and focus differently when they're writing, and that can sometimes beneficially affect the way your memory works.

But what alison and MrsS said is true, there's no timetable for these kinds of things, and it's a very normal response to the finality of death for many people.

 

[Carek1230]

Be patient with yourself Justin, time will help heal your sorrow. I am truly sorry that you had to experience this kind of loss at such a young age.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Im sorry that it's still so painful for you Justin Like the others have said try to remember the happy moments that you shared with your friend

 

[Night & Day]

I will never, ever forget seeing my father in his casket.
Its as fresh today as it was 32 years ago.
It was an open casket, and sometimes i wish i didnt have that memory stuck in my head.

My father was ran over twice by the same drunk driver:
after the 19 year old hit my father the first time, he backed up to see what he had hit,
and caused the internal injuries that took his life hours later in the hospital.
I remember being told by some one to give my father a good bye kiss as he lie there.
I had to step up onto a small stool to kiss him.
I stared at my dad for quite some time.
I remember talking going on around me, and just staring, waiting for him to sit up and say it was all a joke.
You know as a kid, you really believe that can happen.
I waited and waited.
I stroked his hair on his hairline, and took notice of how the color of his scalp did not match the color of his face...
it was much more orange in color then his hands, which were crossing his chest.
The makeup was caked on to cover the damage done to his beautiful face.
I remember how my river of tears over his skin, streaked the makeup on his cheek.
I remember his suit...it was tan, and it contrasted with his long, coal black, wavy hair.
Never in my life had i seen my father with a suit on, it seemed so odd to look so dapper in death.

Sometimes, i catch myself still waiting for him to sit up.
What i would give for one more day.

 

[Justin24]

I am sorry to hear that Night and Day. I stil speak to his mom. She took me out to dinner for my birthday.

 

[mandy1973]

I know what you're saying. My mum died of cancer a few years ago now, and what she looked like the night she died, so skinny, her beautiful hair all gone still is with me today. i'm getting teary even writing this.
All I can say is that image probably will stay with you forever, memories have a funny way of doing that. But just keep the 'good' memories of your friend alive too, and you will think of those more often.
Hope that makes sense

 

[Angela Harlem]

Death has no concept of the right time, nor does it have a right way to remember someone. What you're going through is not good for you, though.
My mum's grandad (my great grandfather) had a heart attack and collapsed at her wedding reception, and later died in hospital. My father in law passed away from a heart attack on Christmas Day 2001. Death comes at the wrong time regardless, though. Your mate was too young. It's a death which will shake you no matter what the circumstances. The death itself and the tragedy might never leave you, Justin. You do need to begin finding ways to remember him which can make you laugh, not cry. Time to beat this mourning. It's not good for you to stay locked in this as you are.

Writing things as Yolland suggested is a good idea. Perhaps retracing some of your favourite places to hang out together and photograph.

 

[CKONE]

20years ago this coming June I returned from my paper round to be met by an auntie telling me that it was nearly time. My mom had battled breast cancer four years earlier and then in her final year a cancerous brain tumour. It took her looks her figure her energy her speech and her mind. When I went into the house it seemed every family member was there. I sat on the end of the bed as she took her last breath and I longed to hear her say a final farewell like they always do in the films.Of course real life is too cruel for that. I struggle to remember but i can never forget. she is always in my thoughts.

 

[Jeannieco]

to all of you. These stories are really sad. Just know you will see them again, (assuming you are believers. )
And Night and Day I can only relate to your story on a small level as my healthy 84 yrs old Grandmother was also run over by a drunk driver. She was out taking her daily walk around the neighborhood and this guy hit her in the crosswalk.
I cry now just thinking about it... she was just a tiny little thing, barely 4.5 feet tall, sweetest person in the world. I know my family and I will see her when it's time... she wiil be there with her dancing shoes on! Oh how she loved to dance!

 

[MrPryck2U]

Listen, just try to know one thing: That your friend would want you to go on and live a great life. So try and do that. I know it's easier said then done, but you must try. Seeing your friend in the casket, believe it or not, was a good thing. You know that he's dead and not coming back and that this wasn't a dream, but reality. If you really cared about your friend, then his life will continue to influence you as you get older. You'll never forget him because you'll always have a story about something you did together. Hang in there. Try to move on, but never forget your friend.

 

[Bono's Betty]

That is really horrible Justin Things will get better, it just takes time. You have to think about the happy times you had with him.