Bloody Oath! Youse are funny as f***. I'll tell youse a true story that happened a coupla days ago. I was hoonin' the Commy, not the bloody Falcon cos I pranged that last year after too many schooies of Vitamin B, and I'm doin' like 120 clicks on a f***n' Expressway or some s***, and this goddamn fat f***er of a black bloody spider pops up on the inside of my bloody window, right next to my f***n melon. So I shat meself and f***n yank the car sideways by mistake nearly hittin the f***n gutter and then pull over, crankin on the brakes, lock the bastard up. Now don't tell me mates this but like a bloody sheila I clambered over, n'got out the passenger side, then went back round to check the bloody spider. Now youse yanks and poms may not know this s***, but we have a spider here in Auzztrayia called the Funnel Web which is a big black f***er and is the most poisnus spider in the world. All it eats is insects, but f*** me dead, it carries enough juice to roll a small bloody horse. Me house backs onto the bush and we get heaps of the bastards in the back yard and the pool, and I thought this might be one, and no f***n way was I letting a Funnel Web bite me melon.
What I didn't know was that this whole bloody caper had been seen by a bloody copper who pulled over behind (in a nice V8 Commy) to see why I was driving like a pisshead, and I showed him and he looks and says its a f***n house spider, then killed the harmless c***. Geeezus I felt like a dick. I mean I felt like I waz a dick, not like a wanted a dick, cos I got one, and I don't need another one, and I don't want anyone elses.
Yeah, so anyways thats me story and it's true and all but don't tell no one cos it makes me look like a bloody pussy. I'm gonna have a f***n' PJ now which sucks a fat one, cos I like Winnie Golds, and hate f***n PJ's but the Servo had nothin', not even any B'n'H or Dunny Blues, which I don't mind either. Only Styvo's, PJ's and that menthol s***. Bloody hell.