It is, we've talked about it a couple times... and she always cries. She doesn't like my 'transfer within my hospitality-service job' and spend 8 months working in Germany (mostly so I can learn the language, which I have some familiarity with as it is but am not anywhere near competent) idea. I admit, and I've told her, that it's part me wanting to prove that I can be independent, partly that I want to be free of having to consider family/friends in everything I do and be free to just wander around for a while without any expectations, partly so that I get the distractions out of my hair so I can work on my writing... It's mostly practical things, all of which I can knock off in one single venture, whereas if I was (I hate to say this) burdened by having family always looking over my shoulder and wanting my time, friends always wanting my time, her always wanting my time, work taking up whatever time I have left... She understands why I want to do it.*
She's just convinced that I won't come back, though, and if I do that I won't want her around (for some reason??) and doesn't want me to leave. She's not exactly secure, I guess is what I mean. She doesn't deal well with not seeing each other, either... as it is, its driving her nuts that we only see each other for about an hour a week because we're so busy with work and school. It'd be hard on her.
I know that you can leave people behind but not your personality or soul. I don't have to travel far to know that I'm still the same person no matter where I am. My leaving won't fundamentally change me; but it stands to be another opportunity to learn, and grow a little bit, and gain perspective on just what it is I have already and what the world has to offer.
* The fact is: I wouldn't get anything done, because spending time with people I love is my greatest indulgence, I put them ahead of me. I don't have the heart to tell my grandpa that I'm not going to fix his computer because I have too much homework, or I've been working non-stop for 2 months and this is the only night I have off and want to just watch a movie, or explain to my dad why I'm skipping family dinner because I'm in the middle of something personally significant (writing, schoolwork, etc) - because he'd say something like 'more important than your family, huh? you can't even spend twenty minutes with us, eh?', which really twists my balls because it reduces to saying things that are personally significant are irrelevant to the family. Even though I've lived with them for the 20 years of my life. And can probably count the times that I've sat out a family thing for whatever reason on my fingers and toes. Considering that 20 years = 7600 days or something, that's not even approaching 1%, and yet I'm still expected to make exceptions for them -- and the thing is, I'd make those exceptions and do it anyway, but the lack of choice in the matter pisses me off. And no 'so you can't even spare 20 minutes' isn't the offering of choice, its passive aggressive coerscion. If I'm an 18 hour flight away, there's not going to be anyone breathing down my neck, or writing their names in my schedule - I'll be able to do what I want, and finally get the isolation I can't for the life of me gain for myself at home.