How to stop a bragger?

[Butterscotch]

There is a person I have been close to for many years who is annoying me with his constant bragging. Whenever I talk to him online, on the phone, or see him in person his salary, raises, bank account and purchases are the main subject of the conversation. Not only is this annoying, I find it offensive, because this person knows I am struggling financially and I can't help but think he is doing it to put me down though he won't let on that's it. When he brags about his 'extra' income each month being more than I make, and knowing all my bills are behind and I'm in the financial shits, does this make him feel superior? What does he expect me to say, good for you? Cool? How many times? I do not want to lose this person completely but lately I have ben avoiding him and have no desire to speak to him because of his bragging. What do you think I should do? If I tell him outright I am tired of it he will only call me 'jealous' and go gossip about me, but I am very tired of him sticking it in my face. Advice please!

 

[BonoIsMyMuse]

When he starts to brag, change the subject. If he continues to brag, try saying something along the lines of, "Our friendship means a lot to me, but I'm not sure why you keep talking about x, y, and z when you know how tight money is for me right now." If you tell him gently enough, hopefully he won't run off and gossip about you, and if he does, he's not worth keeping around anyway. If he were a good friend, he'd be sensitive to the fact that you're having some tough times financially.

You might also try turning the tables on him, and talking only about yourself for a conversation. Let him see what it feels like, and maybe he'll realize how selfish and stupid he's being!

 

[Galeongirl]

I'd just ask him in the face why he's always talking about that.... and if he has any idea how much he hurts you with it....

 

[Cin]

I suspect he has low self esteem and is just trying to pump himself up

Probably the wrong approach but I could only ignore it for so long. Eventually I would burst out with "god, it's so annoying hearing you talk about your bank balance and how well off you are. I don't care that you've just wasted money on some crappy thing. You know it just makes me feel bad so shut up or piss off."

but then again I might just bottle it up and hide from him until he got the hint

 

[Butterscotch]

I suspect he has low self esteem and is just trying to pump himself up

Probably the wrong approach but I could only ignore it for so long.

That seems to be the problem right there, and that is how I feel.

Thank you all so much, this is all excellent advice, I just have to get the nerve to do it and try not to make him mad. Even though he's being a jerk he has a way of turning everything around on me and trying to make me look or feel bad so I have to be careful. It's so frustrating.

 

[Carek1230]

You could always get yourself some new friends. It's obvious this person has issues and if it bothers you that much that they are constantly bragging and talking only about themselves I'd walk away from it if I were you. This is proably going to be the type of person who won't understand if and when you try to call them on it and they will get all upset in their own misunderstanding. Good luck to you and carefully weigh how important the friendship is to you.

 

[Bono's shades]

I don't know if you have ever watched the TV show the Gilmore Girls, but one of the characters had a great line that she said to a rich, snotty person - something like "I'm glad I'm not rich. Money just makes you shallow." Only it was wittier than that, I can't remember the exact words.

Anyway, maybe you could say something like that to your friend. In a joking way of course (or not).

 

[BonosSaint]

Why do you value him?

 

[Mr. BAW]

Don't you love telling someone a story and then their first response is..."Well, that's nothing...blah, blah, blah........!"

 

[U2democrat]

Don't you love telling someone a story and then their first response is..."Well, that's nothing...blah, blah, blah........!"

My friends and I call those "one-uppers", and they're OBNOXIOUS!!

 

[DaveC]

Kick him in the ball sack. That'll shut him up for a while

 

[kafrun]

Next time you're talking, stop him and say "Well gee, shouldn't you be getting off the phone to go count your money right about now? "

Seriously though, I'm friends with a couple who are like this. The husband even admitted to me that he's not able to be happy for others' success unless he has at least the same, but preferably more. So all they want to do is talk about themselves and their tangible successes. People like that will never be happy with themselves since it's impossible to have everything everyone else has, so unless they snap out of it and realize that's no way to live, they'll forever be draining your energy. You have to ask yourself if those are the kinds of people want in your life Maybe you do, you just might want to keep your contact with them in small doses.

 

[Cin]

Kick him in the ball sack. That'll shut him up for a while

then he'd say, "my balls are huuuge, bigger than anyone I know, and the colors they've turned"

 

[Hinder]

pfft

Might I suggest steel-toed boots to facilitate the swelling and pretty colors?

 

[Got Philk?]

My friends and I call those "one-uppers", and they're OBNOXIOUS!!

Pff...Well my friends and I say that they are the one-upper...uppers. Yeah! So there. One up that!

 

[gman]

If that was me, ad tell him straight that yer sick of hearing his pish

 

[Butterscotch]

Thank you all very much for your help. Here is an update. After I thought I had stopped his bragging he changed it to dissing other people we both know.Then I became convinced he does have a self esteem problem, boosting himself and trashing everybody else. He was spreading gossip like a nosey old woman. I knew if he was telling me shit on them he was telling shit on me too so I didn't get into it. Then today he shifted his dissing to me! When I kindly tried to talk over him in an attempt to change the subject, he told me I was running to my 'safety zone' so I didn't have to hear anything bad about myself. So he starts screaming on the phone how he never wants to speak to me again and I yelled "what an asshole" and hung up!I was done with him!

Then he emailed me an 'apology' followed by a long litany of why my life is a failure and why his is a success. I wrote back and asked him why he did that and what was his purpose, and he only accused me of being terrible for not acknowledging his 'apology.' He told me he was justified in everything he did because I 'made him mad.' Well guess what? He made me mad, too. I think I'm done with him. Let him go live in his 'safety zone' of having to trash other people to empower is obnoxious, abrasive, childish self.

Thanks again for your responses on this