How to Handle People with Poor Manners - U2 Feedback

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Old 11-04-2013, 10:13 AM   #1
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How to Handle People with Poor Manners

I'm not talking about rude people here. Just those who could use a lesson or two in etiquette.

For example, if someone you are hanging out with is chewing with their mouths wide open, and even making loud sounds will doing that, what is the best way to tell them to stop that? I've been in those situations so many times and I have no idea how to kindly tell them what they are doing so damn gross. I don't want to make it obvious that I'm annoyed but I also don't want to hear that sick sound of food being chewed.

So how do you guys handle someone who doesn't have the best manners? And not just in chewing food. It could be anything - someone talking loudly on their cell phone, someone repeatedly sniffing rather than getting a tissue for their runny nose, etc. Anything because I am at a loss!
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Old 11-04-2013, 10:42 AM   #2
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Don't go for a direct approach, trust the Dutchie on that one, haha. They'll feel innsulted. Just try to find a different, calm moment to break it. Like after the dinner, just ask them if they're aware of their habit and if they realise that it's kinda sorta gross to look at.

Then again, I hardly ever listen to myself anyway. I'm rather straightforward with people as I haven't the best social skills due to autism, but people are used to that from me. So usually if someone has an irk like yours, and if it's a mutual friend, they come and ask me to say it. Cause I get away with it or something.

But really, I think more people get away with it if they just started being honest with each other. Just try to have an open way of communicating, don't make them feel like you're insulting them.
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Old 11-04-2013, 01:47 PM   #3
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Thanks GaleonGirl. I'm part of this writing group and the other day, we were in this small room in the library, typing away on our laptops. This one guy was munching on some carrot bread, and his chewing was . I couldn't help but shoot him a look because I was so disgusted with the noise. He got the message and did close his mouth, but opened it from time to time. Yeah, sometimes I get so bothered by poor etiquette like that I'm not sure what to say or do.
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Old 11-12-2013, 02:36 AM   #4
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If I was the offending person I would want to know about what I do that may affect others.

Either it be anonymous so that you won't hurt that person's feelings (anonymous texts, anonymous notes, etc) or be that upfront that you know how to proactively consult with constructive criticism and use that tactic to approach this touchy subject.
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Old 11-12-2013, 08:26 AM   #5
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If that first comment is directed at me, it's rather easy what I do. I have autism, so I'm not good with social interaction, and usually very straight to the point. That often offends people as they are used to all the blah blah bullshit around it.
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Old 11-12-2013, 11:22 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by feedthetree View Post
If I was the offending person I would want to know about what I do that may affect others.

Either it be anonymous so that you won't hurt that person's feelings (anonymous texts, anonymous notes, etc) or be that upfront that you know how to proactively consult with constructive criticism and use that tactic to approach this touchy subject.
Not everyone is willing to do that (regarding your first part).

It's also not easy when it is a total stranger. The other day I was at a coffee shop/lunch type of thing. There was this woman sitting a few feet away from me, eating a sandwich. Holy crap, she was chewing with her mouth open so wide, I heard every disgusting sound imaginable. I couldn't help but throw her an annoyed glance before moving to another table. Of course, I wasn't able to tell her to stop that since we didn't know each other. Maybe I'm being snooty, but I really despise the sound and sight of people chewing with their mouth open.
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Old 11-12-2013, 12:36 PM   #7
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This is turning the OT in a completely different direction so I apologize, but I was reminded of this and it's interesting so just wanted post the link. For years (her whole life in fact) my daughter could barely stand to be in the same room with anyone eating, until she finally just had to start eating meals alone in her room. For her, learning that this exists for other people too helped a lot, and she's gotten better over the years and handles it better now. But it used to be bewildering the way she did actually seem to have irrational anger toward anyone chewing! (And it wasn't that anyone was being loud or rude, but we knew she was hyper-sensitive to it so we even did our best to be as quiet as possible.)

When a Chomp or a Slurp Is a Trigger for Outrage
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/06/he...bled=true&_r=0


Anyway, sorry to detour from the question of manners. I also find I have a hard time actually telling a person they have terrible manners, and also just remove myself from their presence because I'm afraid I will just offend them.
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Old 11-12-2013, 01:58 PM   #8
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Did your daughter have problems with anyone eating, or just those chewing with their mouth open?

I can tolerate some people who chew with their mouth open, but some are just loud about it. That woman I mentioned was an example. I can get used to some chomping but if its deafening, then that's too much for me.

ETA: I just read the article. I guess I have misophonia to some degree. My dad has always chewed with his mouth open. Since he and I never got along, his eating habits seemed to represent his unlikable traits. So I guess it started from there.
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Old 11-12-2013, 07:27 PM   #9
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Yes, I do wonder how one gets the condition to begin with. No one in our family ever ate with mouths open or loudly with bad manners. But something about the sounds made her not only grossed out, but angry! So for her, yeah it was anyone eating, not an open mouth thing. That bugs me too, and I also can't stand it.

I think for you it does sound like it was an association thing. I know I have disliked certain things in life only because I associated them with a particular person I disliked as a kid. It does make sense.
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Old 11-14-2013, 11:19 AM   #10
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My dad and my grandpa both have terrible table manners; people telling them about it hasn't done any good, so I guess they don't care. I don't know what can be done if someone just doesn't care at all. My brother is so blunt, though, so he tells people straight up if they're doing something annoying. He was here last weekend and said to my dad at breakfast, "You're really disgusting when you eat cereal; you always have been." Dad just said, "Really?" He used to always say that I chew like a chipmunk and that I must have never learned how to chew food properly.
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