How important is attraction?

[~LadyLemon~]

This seems like a stupid question...but I can explain myself.

A friend of mine who lives in St. Louis had been wanting to set me up with a friend of her husband for a while. I finally met him last fall, and I just kind of fell over myself for him, so to speak. This came as a complete shock to me, because I usually don't fall so hard for people--it generally takes me a while to get to know them, etc. But yeah, it was like meeting the person I've always wanted to meet and never thought it would actually happen. And my attraction to him is very, very intense.

Anyway, I've spent time with him since then and since we met, we email each other on an almost daily basis. The last time we spent time together was over my spring break, and well, things happened, and naturally I liked him more after that. But we've decided that right now it's best to just be friends, because his new job keeps him at the office all the time, and I'm graduating and I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Meanwhile, I've had a "flirtation" thing going on with a friend here for a while, but things have been kept low with him, because of the other guy. But now, since the other one is out of the picture romantically, I've started seeing my friend. I really like him, we have a lot of similiar interests (both total music geeks), and he's just a lot of fun to be with. What's my problem then? I just don't feel the same attraction as I do with the other guy. I don't know if this is something I can get over by spending more time with him...and obviously I realize that not everyone is going to knock your socks off. I'm just afraid that now I'm going to measure everyone to this other guy who totally blew me away.

But since things are progessing more with my friend, I don't know what to do. Is this something that I can just get over? It's not like he's unattractive, I just don't feel the same physical spark as I do with the other guy. Should I just keep seeing him and see what happens?? Maybe if I spend more time with him I can get over that. I know that it's stupid to make such a big deal out of this....this is almost making me feel shallow.

Hmm.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

if i were you i would keep both options open. are you as close with the one you were set up with in terms of interests as you are with your friend that you are now seeing? it sounds like you really like the first guy a lot but are scared to pursue the relationship. i dunno though.

 

[Diemen]

Tough situation. If you're really unsure about how you feel about your friend, then I would find a way to talk to him about it. It might be difficult to do, but it would be a lot better than somehow ending up in a pretty serious relationship with him and still not know how you feel about him, especially since you've still got the other guy in your mind for comparison (personal experience...).

Let your friend know that you'd like to keep this somewhat casual for now, and if he's a good guy he'll understand and adjust to it. Then after time if you do find yourself wanting something more with him, you can go in that direction. If not, then at least you didn't get so close to him that it would be messy to break it off.









____
This message brought to you by hindsight: it's always 20/20!

 

[~LadyLemon~]

I don't know...I think I'm just feeling this way because I'm still not over um, we'll call him Rat Bastard. Just kidding, he's not that much of a prick, but I'm still hurting from that situation. Guess time will tell, eh?

 

[Quano Abidji-Achibi]

"how important is attraction?"

its everything. but remember, "attraction" isnt based on looks or their physical presence alone.

good luck.

 

[wertsie]

"how important is attraction?"

its everything. but remember, "attraction" isnt based on looks or their physical presence alone.

good luck.

Exactly! For example, I recently developed a crush on someone based solely on personality...I mean, he's FAR from ugly, but it's his personality that attracts him to me most.

I think you have to be attracted to the person, definitely. But just because you aren't right now, it doesn't mean you'll never be...

 

[Stories for Boys]

well said pearbear

 

[wertsie]

Exactly! For example, I recently developed a crush on someone based solely on personality...I mean, he's FAR from ugly, but it's his personality that attracts him to me most.

I think you have to be attracted to the person, definitely. But just because you aren't right now, it doesn't mean you'll never be...

I just reread this....um...That should read "but it's his personality that attracts ME to HIM most."

Now, if it were the other way around...I'd probably die of shock!

Carry on, carry on...