How do I show her I care?

[cjboog]

I screwed up. I've been dating a girl who I am crazy about for almost 6 months. She plays soccer, is a cheerleader, plays piano, and dances. Before we were dating I went to ALL her soccer games to try to get her attention and get her to notice me. Now that we are dating, I've only been to a couple games. Sometimes other things have prevented me from going, but often I've just made excuses as to why I can't go. Last night she was marching in a parade with the cheerleaders and I think it was her last cheerleading event. I didn't go, and I had an excuse, but I could have gone if I REALLY wanted to. She told me today that she was sad I didn't come to many soccer games and missed her parade. She was in tears talkinga bout it, telling me that she will never be able to do these things again. I feel like an idiot. I love this girl, but sometimes I forget to see what is right in front of my face.


Heres the question: What should I do for her to say that I am sorry and that I really care? Even though some of my actions don't show it, she is extrememly important to me. I'm going to go to her piano and dance recitals if it kills me. Do you think I should bring her flowers? A card? Any advice?

 

[martha]

Heres the question: What should I do for her to say that I am sorry and that I really care? Even though some of my actions don't show it, she is extrememly important to me. I'm going to go to her piano and dance recitals if it kills me. Do you think I should bring her flowers? A card? Any advice?

Start caring. Start showing up. Stop making excuses. No flowers, words, or cards can take the place of actions, although a sincere apology will be a good first step

 

[MooMoo!]

Why are you making excuses in the first place? Lazyness?

 

[Got Philk?]

This is a trap many fall into. I think it sounds harsh, but really it is just taking for granted what you have.

You could do all that flowers, dinner etc. but it will get you nowhere if this behavior continues. So I wouldn't bother with that simple stuff.

Now...If you really do want to do something special to apologize, think up things that are special to her and make a huge afternoon/night of it. You know what things she appreciates. Dig deep...show her things that she didn't even knew you knew or remembered. But as it has been said, this will only get you so far if you don't start showing her how you feel in true ways that mean something.

Good luck!

 

[gareth brown]

i've got to honestly say Martha's post is pretty much right on the money!

 

[cjboog]

Yep. It's taking for granted everything that i have. It's like how you only realize how much you liked something when you don't have it, or how your true feelings for a person are only brought out if something bad happens to them. I've taken her for granted and I've got to realize what is right in front of my face.

 

[JCOSTER]

I screwed up. I've been dating a girl who I am crazy about for almost 6 months. She plays soccer, is a cheerleader, plays piano, and dances. Before we were dating I went to ALL her soccer games to try to get her attention and get her to notice me. Now that we are dating, I've only been to a couple games. Sometimes other things have prevented me from going, but often I've just made excuses as to why I can't go. Last night she was marching in a parade with the cheerleaders and I think it was her last cheerleading event. I didn't go, and I had an excuse, but I could have gone if I REALLY wanted to. She told me today that she was sad I didn't come to many soccer games and missed her parade. She was in tears talkinga bout it, telling me that she will never be able to do these things again. I feel like an idiot. I love this girl, but sometimes I forget to see what is right in front of my face.


Heres the question: What should I do for her to say that I am sorry and that I really care? Even though some of my actions don't show it, she is extrememly important to me. I'm going to go to her piano and dance recitals if it kills me. Do you think I should bring her flowers? A card? Any advice?

Step up to the plate and start being the boyfriend. As I tell my husband don't say your sorry, just don't do it again.

 

[Got Philk?]

Yep. It's taking for granted everything that i have. It's like how you only realize how much you liked something when you don't have it, or how your true feelings for a person are only brought out if something bad happens to them. I've taken her for granted and I've got to realize what is right in front of my face.

Yup. Wellp, here's the deal. You can either sit on your arse and feel sorry for yourself b/c you know you are being lazy, or you can change your ways.

Which will it be. GO!

 

[Liesje]

Just do it because it means something to her. You can ask Philk about how I rarely went to things of his and still should go more often. It not that I don't want to go, but in my experience my family didn't really go to each other's things very often, we just didn't see it as a big deal. I just never even think that he'd want me to come to his games and whatnot, because no one really ever cared about mine. If it's important to her, you have to make it important to you because she's important to you, regardless of how much you actually care about whatever activity she's doing. I have to work on it myself...

Also, maybe you guys can find something you both enjoy that you can start doing together, rather than feeling obligated to go watch each other?

 

[butter7]

Is she really THAT important to you?

I'd suggest you ask this question yourself 20 times before make up your mind.

Because sometimes, it's just feel good to have something which appears to be important, and it does make you feel that it is important, even though it might not be so.

Then comes the second question, what that person thinks about you?

Just some personal experience. And I hope you can work the things out all right. Good luck.

 

[Night & Day]

Ask her to recreate the parade for you,
Cheerleader uniform and all.
Buy some confetti and toss it at her.


Shes a busy girl... damn, I was trying to come up with excuses for you.

 

[AngelofHarlem01]

I agree with everything that's already been said. Effort is everything. Having been on the other side of this type of situation, it sucks. Cards and flowers may help in short term, but if you're never there or make an effort, it doesn't mean much. Too bad a lot of people don't seem to realize this. There's a quote, "Half of life is just showing up." In a relationship, showing up is everything, I think.

 

[cjboog]

Is she really THAT important to you?

Yes. She is.

I apologized very emotionally the other day and explained everything and admitted my mistakes and said I was going to fix them. She told me that she loves me very much and now we are better off than ever. I didn't bring any flowers or cards, I just brought myself and told her how much I cared and how seflish I had been. The only thing I can do now is put my money where my mouth is. And I will. Thanks everyone.

 

[Got Philk?]

good job. Sounds like you are on the right track.

One thing you got going for you guys is communication. Some girls would have simply expected you to know she was hurt by you not showing up. Now you have communicated to her your apology, and that you want to change things. Keep that up and I promise it will help more than you know.

I wish two luck!

 

[Lancemc]

Martha pretty much hit the nail on the head it seems.

But roses never hurt.

 

[Lancemc]

"First you've got to plant the seed. Then you wait until the seed grows into a plant. Then you fuck the plant."

 

[Muldfeld]

That DOES sound like a lot of events to attend. It's stuff she's into, but isn't quality time alone the most important? Then again, I'm the last person qualified to answer this.

 

[Muldfeld]

"First you've got to plant the seed. Then you wait until the seed grows into a plant. Then you fuck the plant."

I'll never look at plants the same way again.....

 

[JanuaryStar]

Heres the question: What should I do for her to say that I am sorry and that I really care? Even though some of my actions don't show it, she is extrememly important to me. I'm going to go to her piano and dance recitals if it kills me. Do you think I should bring her flowers? A card? Any advice?

I think you should start speaking from your heart. Aka no flowers, a card or any of that stuff. You really need to change the way you act, so just tell her how you feel. And why were you making excuses in the first place? If you really care about her, you shouldn't be making excuses. You should be downright honest about things. Tell her how you feel.