Help me understand Anxiety

[Doozer61]

I have a very close friend who suffers from this. She sees a therapist and psychiatrist and a medical doctor. The meds she is on do not seem to be working and at times she seems so fragile. I try to support her the best I can however sometimes I just want to shake her and say get over it and step up.

She panics when it is too noisy. One time we asked her to watch Sophia for the weekend while we were away and she bailed at the last minute saying she just couldn't do it. Last week, we were at lunch and all in the same car, she got a headache and had to leave immediately, which meant we had to leave as well.

Today at church, she snapped because I whispered something to another friend and walked out. She was supposed to come for dinner tonight and cancelled because of that.

I feel bad and I don't know what it's like to walk in her shoes but sometimes I just want to throw in the towel on this friendship. It is hard to go up and down with her, not knowing who will show up.

Does anyone have some insight?

 

[Angela Harlem]

Your friend needs to understand her anxiety as well by the sounds of it, flooz. It, like many things, cannot be a blanket excuse to cover all lack of respect for friends and poor social behaviour. She needs to help her friends help her. It really pisses me off when people give things like medical conditions or problems in life carte blanche to dictate that the world will stop for them and their needs. They need to pony up and find a way to manage their problem in and amongst the rest of us.

 

[BonosSaint]

First, do not go all in the same car.

 

[Carek1230]

You'd think if she were on meds in addition to seeing a therapise, psychotherapist AND apparently being monitored by a medical doctor that she wouldn't be so wishy washy and flakey. Perhaps the meds are not correct or the diagnosis is not correct? I can imagine how frustrating this must be, and I'd also be afraid to say anything to her about it for fear setting her into a depression or worse. Still, wanting to continue the friendship something's got to happen, somehow and I'd want to try to help her (that's just my nature). I wonder if it is really anxiety that your friend is suffering from?

My mother is having a problem with anxiety and the family is trying to encourage her to see a counsellor and her medical doctor to get some meds and therapy so she can deal with it better. It affects her mood, her sleep cycles, appetite and especially her blood pressure which sky-rockets any time she has to go somewhere. It's to the point she hates to leave her house (but she is fine if someone comes to her) and especially if she drives. She is refusing to renew her driver license next year (she is 74) partially because of this anxiety problem. The B/P makes her dizzy and hyperventilate into a full blown panic attack.

 

[indra]

Here is a thread on anxiety attacks earlier this year. Maybe reading through that can help.

 

[Doozer61]

Thanks indra. I thought I had seen a thread before but was too lazy to search.

It's not panic attacks with her, it is a constant feeling of anxiousness. Like it's debilitating. She has a job and works but seems constantly stressed out and isolates when she is feeling anxious. Sometimes she will back out of things and say she is feeling anxious but more and more it is happening and today when she snapped at church, I was just done. My patience was gone and I felt bad but it's getting to the point where we can't joke with her or anything.

 

[VintagePunk]

Doozer, it sounds like she has Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Here is some information about it: Generalized anxiety disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

As well, there are tons of other sites you can google.

Do you know the background of the therapist she's seeing? Studies have shown cognitive behavioural therapy to be the most effective kind of talk therapy to treat GAD. It's usually used in conjunction with anti-anxiety meds. The prognosis for this type of disorder is very, very good, although it can be complicated by occurring simultaneously with other conditions like depression, panic attacks and other mood disorders.

In some cases, there are also physical illnesses that can cause/mimic GAD. I'm sure her doctor has checked her out for those, though.

 

[Purplereign]

^ agree with all comments posted
It can be really tricky living with someone when they are dealing with anxiety and panic attacks that are so disruptive - if your friend is getting the right treatment (and is willing to tackle it head on) then things should start to settle down soonish

In regards to physical illnesses mimicking panic attack / anxiety disorder - has your friend had their thyroid checked? An over or underactive thyroid often mimics some of the symptoms common to panic attacks

Good luck to all of you

 

[Kiki]

I don't know much about anxiety, but what I do know from dealing with my husband who has it, it's not a fun thing to be around.

He's not had an "anxiety attack" in several years, but he's had the whole bipolar/mania thing along with the depression. Last Monday-Friday morning was horrible. Tuesday night he finally put his finger on it, he was dealing with the anxiety. Pacing, snapping at me left and right, if I even breathed the wrong way he got mad. He was shaking, everything. He got this book a few weeks ago called "Bipolar Disorder for Dummies" and it has a whole section in it about anxiety and the definition and what the person is dealing with.

Its not pleasant. If they aren't on the right medication for anxiety or what ever other problem they may have, or on meds at all....there's really nothing that can be done.

It's hard to say "Don't give up on your friend", but.......there's been many times I've thought if he and I were only dating or only friends......I don't know how I'd really deal with all this either.

It's hard. It sucks. BIG TIME. I guess what I keep remembering is that, no matter how bad it seems to me, it's gotta be that much worse for them to be going through it. It hurts us to, especially when they are so self absorbed. If you can try to think about whether or not the good times out weigh the bad times with your friend, you may have a better or clearer answer as to what to do.

That's basically what it is for me. I take it day by day and if he's not in a mood that he can deal with, I try to give him his space. But I also think of all the good times we have and how they really do outnumber the bad times, by a long shot, and I think that's what's kept me here this long.

I'm praying for you guys and your friend. Again, I know how frustrating and crappy this is.

 

[VintagePunk]

He's not had an "anxiety attack" in several years, but he's had the whole bipolar/mania thing along with the depression. Last Monday-Friday morning was horrible. Tuesday night he finally put his finger on it, he was dealing with the anxiety. Pacing, snapping at me left and right, if I even breathed the wrong way he got mad. He was shaking, everything. He got this book a few weeks ago called "Bipolar Disorder for Dummies" and it has a whole section in it about anxiety and the definition and what the person is dealing with.

Its not pleasant. If they aren't on the right medication for anxiety or what ever other problem they may have, or on meds at all....there's really nothing that can be done.

My clinical psych advisor, who also still maintains clinical hours as well as teaching, has told me that during the rapid cycling phases of BPD, the person can exhibit extreme physical symptoms that make it seem as if the person is trying desperately to crawl out of their own skin. He said it's very uncomfortable for a person to stand back and witness, so it must be incredibly awful for the BPD sufferer to actually experience it.

 

[TranceEnding]

I hope your friend will be ok .. has she been suffering with anxiety for a long period of time? As frustrating as it must be, support her as best you can .. I'm sure she is doing the best she can I've had a tough time lately myself since being diagnosed with panic disorder earlier on this year, but I've made a huge improvement from what I was initially.

Good luck!

 

[UberBeaver]

It's sort of an overwhelming sense of panic that you know is irrational, but for whatever reason you cannot find any comfort in knowing it's unnecessary. My best friend developed it as he got older. It was weird cause he was very laid back, and at first we thought it was funny....then after a little while, not so funny anymore.

I can relate with the feeling to a point, but I'm usually able to snap myself back to reality with some conscious effort. I try to not think of events that make me nervous before hand, which works for me, but when I get there - if I'm presenting something for example - I have nothing to say. So my technique has it's pros (no attacks) and cons (look like a complete idiot). I've tried to share this approach with my friend, but apparently the con just makes things worse for him.

It's an awful thing to have to deal with. And you sometimes jsut want to shake them and tell them it's all in their head and to snap out of it......but it's not that easy.

 

[Sicy]

My friend gets anxiety and panic attacks due to high blood pressure and low potassium.. how is her health?

 

[Kiki]

My clinical psych advisor, who also still maintains clinical hours as well as teaching, has told me that during the rapid cycling phases of BPD, the person can exhibit extreme physical symptoms that make it seem as if the person is trying desperately to crawl out of their own skin. He said it's very uncomfortable for a person to stand back and witness, so it must be incredibly awful for the BPD sufferer to actually experience it.

I never thought if it that way, the entire crawling out of your own skin. That's exactly what it seemed like.

ugh.....it gives me the shivers!

 

[Carek1230]

I was just with my mother and she has panic and anxiety attacks where she describes it feeling as if she is crawling out of her own skin. She has high B/P and we wonder if that has something to do with it. When she has the attacks her B/P goes really high. Her doctors want her to take meds to help keep her calm but she doesn't like the way the medications make her feel. I am so frustrated with my mother, she is so stubborn and bull headed and hard to deal with. When our parents get older they turn into little spoiled children again, it's role reversal.

 

[VintagePunk]

My friend gets anxiety and panic attacks due to high blood pressure and low potassium.. how is her health?

I've never heard of anxiety being caused by high blood pressure, although certainly, anxiety can cause blood pressure to rise, especially during a panic attack, as it will during pretty much any stressful situation. However, anxiety IS linked with low potassium levels, and some blood pressure medications can lower potassium. So, it's all connected, but HBP doesn't cause it, per se. Anyone I know of who was on blood pressure medication was told to either eat a banana or drink a glass of pure orange juice daily, as it helps to keep potassium levels more normal.

I never thought if it that way, the entire crawling out of your own skin. That's exactly what it seemed like.

ugh.....it gives me the shivers!

How awful.

He also mentioned that he'd only seen it in a hospital setting, that anyone who is that bad generally has to be hospitalized.