Help, I'm dating a chronic cuddler!

[Ralphie]

Help, help! I'm having a strange relationship issue, which sounds like nothing but is really getting to me. I seem to be dating a chronic cuddler!

Let me explain...it's not that I'm some cold ice queen that doesn't allow for any affection. I do however, like my personal space. I'm not necessarily comfortable with being touched all of the time. And with this guys it's like...if I'm hanging out with my friends, at Starbucks, just want to veg out and watch the Simpsons...we always have to be holding hands or snuggled up, whether I want to or not. And I feel like if this was really an effort to be sweet to me, then he would also respect it when I pull away or signal that I want some space...instead he usually ignores this.

Am I being weird or aloof, do you think? Again, it's not that I don't like him and I'm brushing him off. I just prefer more personal space and I'm not really into PDAs. How do you tell a guy 'stop snuggling with me all the time, for crying out loud!' without it sounding like a rejection? Please help, fellow U2 fans! (Hmmm, surely there's a song about this somewhere...)

 

[Devlin]

Uhm..use barbed wire? No, wait, that's what I would do, because I am an ice cold queen.:grin:

Seriously, though, I'd be blunt with him. Just tell him what you told us. It's not an unreasonable request to tell someone to unhand you. It's annoying to be forced to endure that which you cannot stand.

 

[Ralphie]

Seriously, though, I'd be blunt with him. Just tell him what you told us. It's not an unreasonable request to tell someone to unhand you.

That's good to hear. I thought maybe I was being unreasonable...doesn't common lore say that all girls are supposed to love cuddling or something? Apparently I missed out on that gene.

Barbed wire!

 

[redkat]

I'm the same way actually, I need space. You should be upfront with him.



Some people need it some don't. If he's a very affectionate person it may be a problem.

 

[Bonochick]

Be honest with him. He should respect how you feel.

 

[Chizip]

dont shower until he gets the hint

ps - you sound like the perfect girl

 

[starsgoblue]

 

[Devlin]

I think they whole 'affectionate=hugging' thing has gotten WAY out of hand. A person can be very affectionate without always having to hug or cuddle or any of that crap. I mean, my brother and I snipe at each other all the time. We literally have this litany of insults we fling at each other. Do we mean any of it? Nope. We just have rules as to what's off limits, and what isn't.
I once had a guy tell me he was going to teach me how to be affectionate. Now, because I like him, I merely said, I /am/ affectionate - I didn't hit you in the eye." He'd tried to hug me and I'd swatted him in the chest. I've also bitten him - gently, mind.
I dunno why affection always has to be a certain way.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Just be honest and tell him how you feel. Im an affectionate person but my bf isn't really big on it. But when he does do it than it's in private and Im content that he does it then. Like others have stated some enjoy it and others don't. If your guy is this affectionate than Im sure he will be understanding to your feelings. Just break it gently,lol.

 

[Total U2 Nut]

...it's not that I'm some cold ice queen that doesn't allow for any affection.

.... Nah, only joking You sound pretty normal to me, just tell him to back off a tad.

 

[Liesje]

I hear ya, Ralphie. The closest I can come to PDA without feeling rediculous is holding onto Phil's arm. I HATE couples who wander around the mall giggling and sucking face. Get a room already! I don't mind snuggling/spooning while watching a movie or just hanging out at home, but I feel like a dork being all touchy-feely in public. I'm a very independent, introspective person and I need a lot of personal space!

 

[WildHoneyAlways]

I've actually gotten up and slept on the couch to avoid cuddling.

I actually have been called "ice princess".

 

[BonosBaby12]

Awwwww WildHoney Everyone has their own comfort limits

 

[U2Man]

Awwwww WildHoney Everyone has their own comfort limits

She just told you she doesn't like it. Look, she's already heading for the couch.

 

[Sicy]

I hear ya, Ralphie. The closest I can come to PDA without feeling rediculous is holding onto Phil's arm. I HATE couples who wander around the mall giggling and sucking face. Get a room already! I don't mind snuggling/spooning while watching a movie or just hanging out at home, but I feel like a dork being all touchy-feely in public. I'm a very independent, introspective person and I need a lot of personal space!

I am the same way.

 

[u2bonogirl]

I'm a chronic cuddler but thankfully I have a chronic cuddler to be disgusting with me

I think its going to be a little tough for the two of you to hang out if you're always trying to get your space and he always wants to be touching. As one of the guilty ones I know that I automatically go in for a snuggle and don't even realize it.
But definitely tell him, don't just yank away every time you're feeling smothered. I think that will lead to more hurt feelings.

Either that or bathe in chile powder before you hang out

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I've actually gotten up and slept on the couch to avoid cuddling.

I actually have been called "ice princess".

Also guilty as charged.

Not that I loathe it, I just don't have to be touched 24/7....

When I feel like it, though, watch the hell out.

 

[BonosBaby12]

She just told you she doesn't like it. Look, she's already heading for the couch.

It's only a virtual hug and ummm Im not her guy,lol.

I agree with Tara said too with not just yanking away. Know that a couple of times in public my guy has done that when I go to hold his hand sometimes. It's just a reaction with him but it's still hurtful when he does it.

 

[Carek1230]

The key to happiness in life is balance. It goes for just about everything, including the subject of cuddling vs personal space. Communicate what your boundaries are and balance that with some cuddling time and some personal space time.

 

[Ralphie]

Good advice guys.

And nice to know there are other 'ice princesses' out there...I'm in good company! Also, nice to hear from the 'cuddlers' that pulling away is not the way to go. From my POV that seemed nicer than actually saying something about it, but apparently not.

 

[BonosBaby12]

Think with this situation voicing how you feel is the best way to go. Better to get something out in the open than to keep it bottled up.

 

[youtooellen]

I had a really big problem with an 'excessively cuddly boyfriend' thing before. I didn't know what to do either because no matter where we were he wanted to snuggle up. Even in front of his parents... and that I felt too awkward.

I basically told him upfront once on the couch "sorry I need some space right now" but I did it in a really nice tone and laughed a little afterwards. I also told him it's not him but I just have this space thing, but I still loved how he was being affectionate. He said he understood and stopped, but he eventually went back to his ways.

so I guess being upfront would be the best advice in my opinion. good luck

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

My thoughts exactly.

Cuddling rocks.

 

[Ralphie]

My thoughts exactly.

Cuddling rocks.

Yeah, ok, I admit...there are worse problems to have in a relationship... Still...when you're really not into touchy-feely relationships, it's a bigger stumbling block than you would think. I know, it sounds cold, but really, I've very sweet when I'm not punting small dogs and whatnot...