Having girl problems... need help!!!

[Zooropa man]

I know that I might sound lame. I just need some imput(specially girls). About 5 yrs ago I had met someone(let's call her "M"). I was with her for about 4-5yrs., on and off. About two yrs or so ago, I met someone else(let's call her "cla"). I really hit it off with cla like no one I had ever met. Thru out most of the first yr or so I was confused about both. A short after meeting cla & broke up with M. There was something about cla that wouldn't let me let go of her. We did a whole lot. The whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing except, I made it clear that we were just friends. right... It was more then that but I was in denial so I find out now. Now, the relationship that I had with M was one of... just wanting to know how she was, how the dogs are, you know. Casual. Now, cla knew about M but M didn't know about cla. I guess I somewhere in me thought that things would work themselves out and I would end up with the right person. Cla has put up with a lot from me these past two years. From having our relationship being called "just friends", to keeping it pretty much under wraps. I was her first, yes, her first. Cla's that is. In some ways it felt like it was my first. The past year I've come to realize that... things between M & I were not going to work. But still, I left things the way they were. Thinking that it was ok. But I guess I was wrong. A month ago, U2 played Vegas(night II). Cla & I went together. It was the most memorable moment that I've had. Being there with the one you love & care about and watching your favorite band perform. The weekend had very special moments... I think you guys know. Anyways, coming back from the trip felt good. Like I was going to pop the question sort of speak. Not propose or anything, just tell her to lets take things further. Actually, I should have done that in Vegas(stupid of me... ) A week later, things started to fall apart. We got into a stupid argument that led to her telling me that she didn't want to be in this anymore. She was tired of waiting around to see if I would make a move or not. She said that she wanted to see what was out there. Test the waters sort of speak. I've made all kinds of efforts, showings, flowers etc. you name it. Now, I feel that I might loose her forever. I've realized my mistakes. As for M, well, I was finally honest with her about everything. I regret not telling her about cla in the first place. She said that she has moved on and is seeing someone herself. She also admitted that she is still in love with me. But would not want to be with me if I don't love her. I love her but not in that way. funny, that's what cla told me too. She said that slowly her feeling had been fading due to me actions. I asked her then why go with me to Vegas if she was feeling like that. She said she didn't want to ruin it, because she knew that I was having fun. By the way, cla & I met Edge & Adam at the start of the tour. She was their with me. Man, I feel so stupid. I had so many chances to make things right with cla. And at the same time with M, to let her move on. I know that this is long but if any of you girls have any advice.... it would help. Thanks...

 

[Zooropa man]

Where did my post get moved to, why?

 

[Zooropa man]

oh, ok... thx...

 

[MooMoo!]

well it would be unfair to M if you went out with her and you didnt love her. and if theres no convincing cla that you love her and want to be with her, then the best thing to do is to move on. dont keep hanging around if you know that it wont work out.
there may be a chance that she goes off to "test the water" and then realizes she should have stuck with you all along. if this happens, dont let youself be used.

and 1 arguement is nothing, if you both expect to get along all peachy with no arguments then forget it. if you didnt argue then that'd be weird.

good luck, i know none of that probably helped.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

The only thing I can think of to say is that most often things don't work themselves out, you have to work them out. You also have to remember that it's tough when feelings are involved, and things about that person that you might have no idea about-her past, her family life and upbringing, etc. It's complicated and there aren't easy answers. The best you can do in my opinion is to do your best to be tender to and considerate of the feelings of each girl, and don't hurt them even more by ignoring them or treating them in a way that is less than they deserve. I'm not saying you are doing that or would ever do that, it's just something I'd say from my experience. Don't be afraid to talk honestly and openly, but always keep in mind to also be kind and sensitive.

 

[Zooropa man]

Well, I know that she is confused(cla). This girl loved me to death. I know that I did some stupid things & regret it. Everything just happened within a blink of an eye. We had the best time in Vegas and then, it all started crumbling down. I hope that I can pick up the pieces...

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Maybe you should try to just give her some time and see how it goes She is probably hurt but I know how I feel, that if a guy admits he has made mistakes and regrets them, that goes a long way in helping me to feel better about the situation-it's not the only thing necessary but it is so important. Have you told her directly that you regret things you did?

 

[Zooropa man]

The only thing I can think of to say is that most often things don't work themselves out, you have to work them out. You also have to remember that it's tough when feelings are involved, and...

Her past is well known by me. Meaning she has no baggage or anything like that. I had some baggage. And in some ways that led me to not be as open in letting her know how she made me feel or how I truly felt for her. Even though once in a while I would tell her, not enough I guess. I just feel so dumb. To think that I had everything now... I'm all alone. This blows!

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I don't think you should be so tough on yourself, people make mistakes. You are human and that's how it goes. At this point I think the best thing to do is to try to give her some time then try to talk to her about what you are feeling and why. You seem like you have been honest about yourself here so I think you could certainly try to be just as honest and open with her. For me there's nothing more attractive and nice than a man who can be humble, be honest about himself, be honest about his flaws and mistakes, and about matters of the heart. Sensitivity and vulnerability are very appealing qualities. Just try not to let things go and ignore her in order to avoid the situation, that is hurtful.. for me it is I would think maybe for many women it is. It changes my opinion of a guy if he does that, to be honest with you.

 

[Zooropa man]

I don't think you should be so tough on yourself, people make mistakes. You are human and that's how it goes. At this point I think the best thing to do is to try to give her some time then try to talk to her about what you are feeling and why. You seem like...

No, Im not avoiding the situation at all. I want to work things out. She want to talk to me like friends. But it's just not the same. I tend to bring the past and she get upset. I know that I have to suck it up because in some ways the tables have turned. I truly have learned a lot from this relationship. I want to make changes, but with her. Not someone else.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

It's great that you have learned, that is very positive. I understand how much it hurts, I do-but if she really just wants to be friends with you you can't force anything else. I know you know that and I also know how much that hurts to have to face. Of course that doesn't mean it can't be more than that one day. I am certainly no expert, I am just giving you my humble opinions.

 

[Zooropa man]

Thank you.

 

[For Honor]

I truly have learned a lot from this relationship.

Never stop, and you will forever be moving closer to what you seek.

 

[Zooropa man]

anyone else who has or is reading this have any other thoughts or suggestions?