drownoutheworld
Babyface
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2006
- Messages
- 13
So everyone, I’m sitting here alone on a Friday night, I’ve had a real shitty week. I called in “sick” to work today. I’ve been at my job almost three years and have only called in sick about fours times, this is not like me. I used to be so depressed in high school and at times in college; since I’ve “grown up” I’ve been so much better. I’ve been able to deal with things and not feel like to world was closing in on me. I feel like I could burst into tears at any minute, I’ve got a so much tension inside right now, I feel like I could literally explode. I really want to call a friend and say that I’m not okay. I can’t do that. I don’t want to be that person. I’ve taken so much pride in being the strong one now, I’m independent, and I like it this way. I used to be so fucking needy.
The worst part is I know exactly what will make this go away, for a little while at least. I could take a razor to my arm and all these bad feelings would seep away. I’ve been so good; it’s been like two years since I last did that. I don’t want to start again. If I let myself do it “just once” I fear the ceiling would be broken and the next time would be that much easier and than the time after that, soon I’d be right back where I used to be.
I’m trying to hard. I’ve got my favorite U2 playlist on; I’m just waiting to feel better. If it doesn’t happen soon, I might go for a drive to get out of my house and away from temptations. It’s late and I’d rather not go out, but it might be worth it.
I’m too old to be dealing this crap like this. I might try and get into see a doctor on Monday if I can’t shake there feelings soon. I’m not going back to where I was a few years ago.
So that’s my confession. I’m not asking anyone to try and save or fix me. Just wanted to get it out there, that I’m having a shitty time right now. If anyone has any words of wisdom, I’m listening.
The worst part is I know exactly what will make this go away, for a little while at least. I could take a razor to my arm and all these bad feelings would seep away. I’ve been so good; it’s been like two years since I last did that. I don’t want to start again. If I let myself do it “just once” I fear the ceiling would be broken and the next time would be that much easier and than the time after that, soon I’d be right back where I used to be.
I’m trying to hard. I’ve got my favorite U2 playlist on; I’m just waiting to feel better. If it doesn’t happen soon, I might go for a drive to get out of my house and away from temptations. It’s late and I’d rather not go out, but it might be worth it.
I’m too old to be dealing this crap like this. I might try and get into see a doctor on Monday if I can’t shake there feelings soon. I’m not going back to where I was a few years ago.
So that’s my confession. I’m not asking anyone to try and save or fix me. Just wanted to get it out there, that I’m having a shitty time right now. If anyone has any words of wisdom, I’m listening.