Have you ever contemplated suicide???

[Justin24]

Looking back over my life I may have tried but never have 4 times. No pill popping, more of the knife to chest actually. When I was younger I had to take special education classes. I would be called dumb by my teachers (especially in the Special ed classes)

I have asked god many time why I was born stupid and why not take my life. At times I would go into my closet and cry wishing for a quick death. I have never told this to my mom, because I don't want her to ever worry. To this day, although I don't dare try and kill my self, I do get into a depressive state when I see others who are better educated than me and do better than me and ask god why I am cursed. Is this a game he plays on me.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Yes I have, more than once

You were not born stupid Justin, that's not true and you shouldn't say things like that about yourself. You are not cursed and God does not do that. But it truly helps to talk to people and not keep all of that in.

I find that instead of being negative about yourself, it helps to always try to keep in mind what's unique and special about you. When you do that, somehow your potential is always unlimited. I know though that it is so much easier to say that than it is to do it.

But depression is a medical issue that there is help for

 

[Bonochick]

You really should talk to somebody...and I don't just mean people on a message board. While that's helpful, you need people who are physically close to you. I was very close to being successful with a suicide attempt. Thank God I wasn't because life is amazing now. After years of darkness, I'm one of the happiest people I know, and I'm so glad I'm still around. I hope someday you discover that feeling too, because it's pretty awesome. I used to be ashamed to talk about the way I used to be, but I don't feel the need to hide it anymore. It's important for people feeling desperate to know that there really is hope.

 

[Justin24]

I am afraid thatif I talk to a therapist about this, it will go into my medical records

 

[Bonochick]

I am afraid thatif I talk to a therapist about this, it will go into my medical records

So what if it does? There is nothing to be ashamed of. You wouldn't be the first person, and you most certainly won't be the last.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I am afraid thatif I talk to a therapist about this, it will go into my medical records

Are you afraid that will affect your future in some way? Because what is worse in the long run, isn't feeling the way that you feel much worse?

 

[Justin24]

Yes it is. Do you have any links to organiztions I can talk to. I don't want to talk to a family member. Cause if I do it will spread like wild fire.

 

[Bonochick]

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide

 

[ewings]

Justin--

If it is depression, there are wonderful medications out there now. I have never felt like suicide, but I have been deeply depressed. After being on an anti-depressant, I feel 100% better. It's amazing! Don't be ashamed to get help.

 

[Justin24]

Thank You everyone. I will talk to someone about this. I am feeling a little lighter now. But I must take another step to get over this.

 

[Liesje]

Justin, even if it does go into medical records, the ONLY people that can access those are you and the doctor. There are laws and legislation that protect you for this very reason - so people won't feel ashamed or exposed for getting help with certain things.

Please don't think you are stupid. I assume you're referring to your learning disabilities (saw it in another thread)? If so, does your school have programs that help? Like, at my school there's an entire department of staff devoted to helping students with learning disabilities and figuring out what works best for them. I don't think it's fair for your school to threaten to kick you out if you have a documented problem and they don't offer any help.

Like others have said, you deserve someone to talk to and deserve help with school.

 

[Justin24]

I think they do. When I go to school starting in 2 weeks I will see if they have a program I can join.

 

[Liesje]

I think it's worth checking out. My fiance has a lot of trouble reading and they helped him get some books on tape so he wouldn't get behind. They also help with things like getting note outlines from the professor (for people who have a hard time organizing a lecture into their notes) and making sure you get extra time on tests.

 

[Justin24]

Thank You.

 

[cell]

justin, we have something in common. when i was younger, i was made fun of by students and teachers because everyone thought i was "slow" too.

your not alone. i thought about suicide, alot. but there are so many reasons why i keep going. mainly my family and friends.

please talk to someone. be safe.

 

[Dismantled]

Looking back over my life I may have tried but never have 4 times. No pill popping, more of the knife to chest actually. When I was younger I had to take special education classes. I would be called dumb by my teachers (especially in the Special ed classes)

I have asked god many time why I was born stupid and why not take my life. At times I would go into my closet and cry wishing for a quick death. I have never told this to my mom, because I don't want her to ever worry. To this day, although I don't dare try and kill my self, I do get into a depressive state when I see others who are better educated than me and do better than me and ask god why I am cursed. Is this a game he plays on me.

OMG the special ed teachers would call you dumb! Thats the most awful thing I have ever heard of....I work in that department at the local highschool (I hate the term special ed) and it makes me really sad to think someone did that too you. You are by NO means dumb! Its really awful and I am disgusted by your former teachers.

 

[kafrun]

Re: Re: Have you ever contemplated suicide???

You are by NO means dumb! Its really awful and I am disgusted by your former teachers.

Ditto Some people.. Why exactly do they become teachers??

 

[Thora]

I'm sorry your teachers weren't understanding, Justin. That's gotta be awful. I hope you'll seek out the help you need. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's a sign of strength that you recognize that, and are courageous enough to seek help. Good for you!

I seriously contemplated suicide many times when I was a teenager, but never went through with it. I did seek professional help, and it made such a difference in my life.

Good luck!

 

[Carek1230]

Justin. I agree with everyone here. Get some help. Talk to someone. Reach out nd don't be afraid that it is going to go into a record or be found out somehow. There are so many organizations and professionals out there waiting to talk to you and to help you through this. I know, I've been "there" and contemplated this myself. I am happy I instead got help and have continued to have a support system in my life for when I don't feel so mentally strong. We all have our ups and downs, our good and bad days. Take it one day at a time and reach out.
Good luck to you.

 

[HeartlandGirl]

I have found it incredibly useful to talk to therapists when things got too much to handle in my life. Also, for those who might like an alternative to antidepressant drugs, I would strongly recommend yoga. It can really help you to deal with your emotions and learn to accept life as it comes to you instead of fighting it or even deciding to check out altogether. Not to mention, a little exercise and moving around can really improve your mood and ability to relax. Good luck to you, Justin. One day at a time.

 

[starsgoblue]

Justin, I really can't say anything more than what has already been said. You ARE valuable and you ARE NOT dumb. I think everyone has has a dark period in thier life where nothing seems to make any sense and it seems like that is how it always will be but that's not true. It is always most dark before the dawn. I have certainly been in very dark periods in my life before, but I am so thankful for the way my life has turned out & there are almost times where I bless the pain that pushed me through in a sense. Please be sure to follow everyone's advice here and don't be too self conscious to ask for help...we'd all never allow ourselves the oppurtunity to stretch and grow if we were too afraid of change to ask for it.

 

[BVS]

You weren't born stupid, you aren't stupid.

Have I contemplated it? Yes, more than contemplated, but that was a long time ago.

I hate to sound like one of those people who quote U2 songs on a U2 message board, but Bono actually has some good insight in Stuck in a Moment...

That's really what it is, if you think about it...

If you look at people who have, the majority wouldn't go through with it if they had just half an hour of hindsight...

 

[Lemon Grrrrrl]

First of all, Justin . And Bonochick is right - you need real people help, not just a message board, though this is a great way to make you not feel so alone. You can email me anytime if you'd like to talk. Yes, I've contemplated suicide on more than one occasion, and probably attempted it at least 2 or 3 times.

I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on

 

[Justin24]

Thank You. I will contact one of the organizations on the list from the link provided earlier.

 

[Muggsy]

Justin

I've been suffering of depression my whole life and now I'm looking for professional help, because it is affecting me not only emotionaly but physically too. I really understand how you feel and I know that sometimes is hard to admit that there good things in each one of us, and that we can go through the bad times, with a little help.

Lore.

 

[briarrose]

Justin, I hope you will go talk to someone. It's extremely important. My husband, then fiance, attempted suicide and it was horrible. This hurt me and his family more than anything has ever hurt. He went on Paxil for awhile and asked God to heal him and God did. He's so much better now and doesn't struggle as much with depression.

I thought about suicide too, before it was attempted by my husband. I had a horrible home life and thought I was going crazy. God healed me. He can heal you too!

 

[preciousstone]

Justin,
Judging by the fact that you are on an internet forum, and judging by your use of spelling, punctuation, and grammar...you are not, by ALL means, dumb.
You sound like a perfectly intelligent person, and with an extreme sensitivity.
Tell your teachers that it is their fault if they think you are dumb because it is their job to teach you, so the failure lies within their abilities, NOT YOURS.
"Dear teacher, if you think I am dumb, you are the failure. You were and are supposed to teach me. I will submit my complaint with the school board if deemed necessary to end your cruel and unprofessional comments, and your job will more likely be taken by a professional that will take teaching to its expectations and not label me by my incapabilities, yet assist me with what I need. Thank you very much, Justin."

I agree with the others about the suicide deal, that is really a serious, serious issue and should not be taken lightly and really should be looked after by a professional. Call your local psychological hospital. Good luck, taking that step is a major one but still very vital.

 

[Angela Harlem]

Justin,
Judging by the fact that you are on an internet forum, and judging by your use of spelling, punctuation, and grammar...you are not, by ALL means, dumb.
You sound like a perfectly intelligent person, and with an extreme sensitivity.
Tell your teachers that it is their fault if they think you are dumb because it is their job to teach you, so the failure lies within their abilities, NOT YOURS.
"Dear teacher, if you think I am dumb, you are the failure. You were and are supposed to teach me. I will submit my complaint with the school board if deemed necessary to end your cruel and unprofessional comments, and your job will more likely be taken by a professional that will take teaching to its expectations and not label me by my incapabilities, yet assist me with what I need. Thank you very much, Justin."

I agree with the others about the suicide deal, that is really a serious, serious issue and should not be taken lightly and really should be looked after by a professional. Call your local psychological hospital. Good luck, taking that step is a major one but still very vital.

Nice work.

Ditto on everyone else, Justin. Dont let this ruin your esteem.

 

[Laura M]

Justin, I hope you will go talk to someone. It's extremely important. My husband, then fiance, attempted suicide and it was horrible. This hurt me and his family more than anything has ever hurt.

I also hope that you can go and talk to someone, Justin.

Yesterday I got a call from home and I was told that someone we knew had just died. He tried to end his life but was found and taken to hospital where he suffered for a few days.

I am really devasted. He was such a wonderful person, I can't understand why he took his life in the way he did. I also hate that he had to suffer so badly in the end. I don't know if he knew how many people will really miss him.

You seem like a very bright, kind and funny guy from what I see in your posts on the forum. There is nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it.

 

[Justin24]

I e-mailed The Samaritan group to see if they can help me.